lame ass jokes
tazdev
09-07-2002, 02:49 AM
hey its the kind of mood I'm in tonight.
- Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
- Why do ducks have big flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
- Why do elephants have big flat feet?
To stamp out flaming ducks.
- Three elephants fell off a cliff. Two fell on land. One fell in the water. Boom-boom-chhh!
- A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent, so they put it all on the duck's bill.
- This guy's walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night. There isn't another soul on the street. Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump...bump. He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him. Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run. He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer. Bump...bump...bump. The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man's horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk. He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP! He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps. He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath. Bump...bump...bump. There is a moment's silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe. Suddenly.... Bump...bump...bump...Bump...BUMP! BUMP! BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!! He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges. Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP! Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin -- a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp -- but the coffin keeps coming! BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down! His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!
The coffin stops.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
- Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
- Why do ducks have big flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
- Why do elephants have big flat feet?
To stamp out flaming ducks.
- Three elephants fell off a cliff. Two fell on land. One fell in the water. Boom-boom-chhh!
- A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent, so they put it all on the duck's bill.
- This guy's walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night. There isn't another soul on the street. Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump...bump. He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him. Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run. He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer. Bump...bump...bump. The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man's horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk. He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP! He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps. He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath. Bump...bump...bump. There is a moment's silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe. Suddenly.... Bump...bump...bump...Bump...BUMP! BUMP! BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!! He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges. Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP! Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin -- a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp -- but the coffin keeps coming! BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down! His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!
The coffin stops.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Oz
09-07-2002, 02:52 AM
Originally posted by tazdev
The coffin stops.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
...and thank Christ for that...
:mad: :rolleyes: :mad: :rolleyes: :mad:
The coffin stops.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
...and thank Christ for that...
:mad: :rolleyes: :mad: :rolleyes: :mad:
kicker1_solo
09-07-2002, 03:06 AM
I read all of them but the long one. :lol2:
Ssom
09-07-2002, 05:09 AM
you've got no shame, have ya Taz :rolleyes:
tazdev
09-07-2002, 07:43 AM
not when I'm bored:D
ragt20
09-07-2002, 07:48 AM
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: should have known after reading the heading....:uhoh:
tazdev
09-07-2002, 07:50 AM
add your own if you dare.
or do I have to do it all myself?
or do I have to do it all myself?
DVSNCYNIKL
09-07-2002, 08:18 AM
I wake up this morning, log on to AF. First thread I read, self explanatory, and keep reading. Now I'm depressed.
Thanks Taz:finger: :finger: :D :D :D
Thanks Taz:finger: :finger: :D :D :D
ragt20
09-07-2002, 08:28 AM
well U asked for it :uhoh:
Father: Well, son, how are your marks at school? Son: They are under-water! Father: What do you mean by under-water? Son:Below 'C' level!
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
A Japanese traveller wanted to visit India. He reached the airport & hailed a taxi. The taxt driver was from Calcutta. The Japanese said: Your taxi goes very slow. Japanese taxi goes very fast. Your buses are very slow. Japanese buses are very fast. 'What!!!!' yelled the Japanese at the end of the journey, 'your meter goes very fast!' 'Yes, sir', said the taxi driver, 'it is made in Japan!'
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?'' ''In 3 months.''
Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused? A: His Daddy was really a Mummy!
Father: Well, son, how are your marks at school? Son: They are under-water! Father: What do you mean by under-water? Son:Below 'C' level!
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
A Japanese traveller wanted to visit India. He reached the airport & hailed a taxi. The taxt driver was from Calcutta. The Japanese said: Your taxi goes very slow. Japanese taxi goes very fast. Your buses are very slow. Japanese buses are very fast. 'What!!!!' yelled the Japanese at the end of the journey, 'your meter goes very fast!' 'Yes, sir', said the taxi driver, 'it is made in Japan!'
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?'' ''In 3 months.''
Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused? A: His Daddy was really a Mummy!
JD@af
09-07-2002, 08:33 AM
Oh Geez!! Lighten up you guys. Maybe it's just that I'm dumb enough to find this stuff funny, but I'm chuckling, so THANK YOU, TAZDEV :D
Here, I'll tack on one that I've heard:
Ten out of ten constipated people didn't give a shit.
:silly2: :sun:
Oh and Ragt20: that second joke is absolutely money!!!
Here, I'll tack on one that I've heard:
Ten out of ten constipated people didn't give a shit.
:silly2: :sun:
Oh and Ragt20: that second joke is absolutely money!!!
ragt20
09-07-2002, 12:44 PM
:D wonders wether I should have posted them on a different thread...this one won't do em justice :hehehe::finger: :sun:
tazdev
09-07-2002, 02:48 PM
:p
kicker1_solo
09-07-2002, 03:13 PM
:lol2: corny but funny :)
Damien
09-07-2002, 06:13 PM
Originally posted by kicker1_solo
:lol2: corny but funny :)
Amen to that! I got one....
Why did the chicken cross the road? I'll post the answer later when someone gets it right!
:rolleyes:
:lol2: corny but funny :)
Amen to that! I got one....
Why did the chicken cross the road? I'll post the answer later when someone gets it right!
:rolleyes:
tazdev
09-08-2002, 04:23 AM
Originally posted by Damien
Why did the chicken cross the road? I'll post the answer later when someone gets it right!
:rolleyes:
great way to kill a thread there Damien:eek:
Why did the chicken cross the road? I'll post the answer later when someone gets it right!
:rolleyes:
great way to kill a thread there Damien:eek:
Damien
09-08-2002, 02:45 PM
Originally posted by tazdev
great way to kill a thread there Damien:eek:
Yeah, I'm substituting for ci5ic! :D
But you didn't get it right so it must be good! :p
:rollseyes:
great way to kill a thread there Damien:eek:
Yeah, I'm substituting for ci5ic! :D
But you didn't get it right so it must be good! :p
:rollseyes:
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