How to ....hmmmmm.....

Warning this post may induce :apuke:

MAKING COFFEE
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir...gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET
Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT
Putting up a tent, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'... slip in to the old bag.

WASHING A CAR
Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

BEING IN THERAPY
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.You... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

BEING IN A CRASH
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

GOING FISHING
Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

:bloated: :D :bloated:

:eek:



:hehehe:

ragt20.....where the f*ck did you get this from!?!

:hehehe:

LOL!! :lol2:

New to me, and quite funny :D

WORKING

Working is like making love. You spend a lot of time bored senseless and can be easily distracted. Then someone hollers a whole pile of irrational orders, have to suddenly make do without assistance from anyone else, are absolutely frantic to complete something by an unreasonable deadline that you weren't aware of... and inevitably you miss the deadline and spend the next month in the doghouse.

And when your performance review comes around, you're supposed to grin and bear it when you receive constructive feedback about your lack of performance...

sigh...

:lol2:

Being married is like making love to a beautiful woman...............



...............wait.





No actually,it isn't.:(


It was....:)


but now it isn't.:(



I'M GOING FOR A CRY NOW.:cry:




or maybe some porn:devil: http://students.washington.edu/leprakon/dtm-af/smilies/wackit.gif




I've said too much.I'll shut up now.




















NOT!:flipa:

Originally posted by taranaki




















NOT!:flipa:
How much is it going to cost???:rolleyes:

Originally posted by Moss1O6GTi

How much is it going to cost???:rolleyes:

more than you are worth:flipa:

I always thought a women was like a "Crock Pot"...takes forever to get going.
A man is a Microwave...ready to go in a minute :devil: :devil:

:apoke:

I though it was more like trying to get blood out of a stone........impossible.