Rattle the bedframe!! (and other jokes)

Forgive me if you have heard this one before:

A virile, young Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his
favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young
blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his
apartment
and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled
her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you
finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time
she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally
ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to
him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, Guido
reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages
it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the
bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to
turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You
finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No,
I Norwegian."

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yeah...

:lol: Damien puts it best.

i liked it... could be cuz i've got 3 shots of cuervo in me... but i liked it, lol

I got it, but I thought it was more arousing than it was funny.












:uhoh:

It didnt do much for me.

hmm I didn't get it..

i laughed, i liked it.

heres another joke since were sharing them

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.

However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...

As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. "You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said.

"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"

:lol: Damien puts it best.
+1...

lol, that one is funny.

heres another one that made me kinda laugh

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.

Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

I feel bad that the guy doesnt about his wife's breasts...

so a guy rolled a stop and a cop saw it, pulled him over and proceeded to write him a ticket.

the guy, thinking he's smart, tells the cop "If you can give me a good reason why i should stop at a stop sign instead of just slowing down when nobody's there I'll never roll a stop again"

so the cop pulled out his billy club and started beating him "Now, do you want me to slow down or to stop?"

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

how about just starting a joke thread, or renaming this one "Joke thread"

Or we could move it to the "joke" section. :/

Or we could move it to the "joke" section. :/or like beef said, we could just rename this one. :grinyes:

EDIT: this could be the COT joke thread.

why? 'cause it is a joke???














hahahahahHaHaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

hm, sorry.

EDIT: this could be the COT joke thread.Let's just make a sticky for everytopic on A.F this way well never have to worry about where shit goes!

Let's just make a sticky for everytopic on A.F this way well never have to worry about where shit goes!lol I never said anything about making a sticky for it. I was just saying that because another person had mentioned changing the title to this particualr thread thats all. :)

well, everytime a joke thread comes up, we just end up posting like a thousand jokes in it. the it dies...cause people start posting jokes that have been posted on here earlier.

Title changed.

3 guys walk into a bar, the 4th one ducks.

3 guys walk into a bar, the 4th one ducks.
you suck

For the first joke...it furst struck me as :confused:


but then, it struck me as http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v320/chinster20/Smilies/uglyhammer.gif derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

First one was funny..

The designated decoy was hilarious though.

heres a couple

These three friends went on vacation together. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I just watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," He said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."


and the other

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."

ha!

thank you ebaumsworld.com lol

Exactly, lol.

thank you ebaumsworld.com lolyeah I'm not trying to say that these jokes are mine or that I made them up.

i know, just teasing cause i had read them like 5 minutes before lol.

i have an illustration of that first joke. n00b.

i have an illustration of that first joke. n00b.good for you bro :thumbsup:

"No, I Norwegian."
OOOH
Iget it now

:lol:

two and a half months later...