Finding a girlfriend...seroius or no?

So, I won't lie guys, it's been a year. yeah. u know for what... fucking crazy. Why, do u ask?

well, in college its so much easier meeting someone like me...just want to have fun. thing is, though (if you read the very first thread on this subforum), i wasn't liking that after a while. i felt i had all this emotion i was just kind of holding in unable to share it with someone... basically, i was looking for a serious relationship, not one that lasts for like a month and revolves around flirting and sex. you know, i'd like things like being part of her family, helping her through school, finances, etc.
So, after my last breakup, i'm like, alright, i'll take it easy, n just hope i fall into this with someone. well, i tried that, acted differently, and ended up in the "just friends" territory with two girls already that i'd seriously like be with. one of 'em already has a bf now. wow, does that make me jealous, but fuck that shit. thing is, its not working out, so now i'm out finding new people. thing is though, all these girls i'd like to see myself with, are out only for some fun, you know, nothing serious. I feel like i've grown passed that phase too quickly and i'm just stuck in some gray area. So yeah, i've tried to be my old self, and i've gotten far enough with random girls, but i haven't had sex with them, i feel like i don't want to anymore unless i'm going to be with them... I am one confused man... maybe this should be stress release instead cuz really, i think i just wrote this to get it off my chest.

i was trapped in that gray area myself for a year or so. but i realize now that alot of girls are just looking for fun, so why not show them a good time? most girls now a days seem to look for the assholes that dont want a relationship, so i guess u have to start there, or get lucky and find one that is a keeper, lookin for love. most of those girls at my age(27) seem to be taken by an asshole already tho...lol my advise, have fun and dont b searchiong for the "right" one. i believe she'll come when ur not expecting it. im the same way tho, always wanted someone to sleep next to, have fun with and share my life with. but ive reached the point where i gave up searchin and now im having a goodtime with this single shit. check my other post(4 girls 1 week)lol

give it a try, u might like it!

When I found my bf I was just looking for fun. I was like yeah I'll go out with him a few times but I don't want anything serious... after a month I realised that I did want him and we've been together for almost 9 months. The point is... after you spend enough time with someone who wants just fun, you start developing real feelings and suddenly you're in a relationship. There's someone out there.

It's true, a lot of girls these days, ESPECIALLY college aged girls are out for the thrill of life. It's the same thing with a lot of guys; they're in a new and unexplored part of life and the thought of being tied down to something-just the thought-makes them feel uncomfortable and threatens this new freedom they seem to have, you know?

Now, don't feel weird about wanting something more than just a fling, because believe it or not, there are more guys out there like you than you think. For example, take me. In high school (yes, reverting to high school) I did plenty of flirting, had plenty of flings and met tons of different people. But, for some reason, I had this feeling that I wanted more than just a fling or more than just the flirting and whatnot.

Then came college, and I must say, the girls were a-plenty. But, the one thing that I didn't do, which I think too many people do these days, was rush. I talked to several different girls, we hung out, we even were considered "items" but I didn't put a high priority on making any of them my girlfriend because I fgured, when it feels right for me (and that was key) I'll take that step. It was a few months later that I met Tania and we will have been together for 2 years come this October.

I guess the point of all that I'm saying is, be comfortable in your own skin and let things just happen, you know? There's no sense in rushing something or saying "well, I need a girlfriend so I'm going to find one" and then trying to get serious with the first or second girl you meet. Chances are, you're going to get blown off, and you're going to get put in the friend zone. It happens to all of us. But, when you get that girl that just blows you away, you'll wonder why you even bothered with those other girls at all, and why you were in such a hurry to find something. I'm not trying to imply that you're rushing, just kinda touching on the whole "seriousness" of finding a long-term girlfriend.

Anyway, I hope that made sense, because it's really hot out, I've been up all day, and I think I'm starting to see things.

been there...doing that. honestly, ive given up. my life is so much more important right now than finding someone else to add to it.

camera equipment, traveling, tuition, car expenses...not worth it. plus, there's no way for me to find a girl. at leats not where i am that meets anything i want and i dont want something short. as for sex, it's been...1yr 4 months 2weeks and 4 days and im fine. im out always having a good time with friends or working (coke or photography) and i hardly think about it.

just, find out what you wanna do, excluding girls. if that's what you need, then go to clubs, school things, or w/e and try and meet one. but for me, i started thinking about my life and what i wanted and right now a girl will just slow it up, way too much. im never home, so as it is, you can see i find something to do with my time. therefore, its filled and no room for girl. sure, if i happen to meet someone while doing all of this, i might stop and smell the roses. sometimes though, ya just gotta go with it.

Dude, don't stress over this. You're gonna give yourself a stroke stressin over something like this. Just go with the flow and you'll find one you can settle down with. Just give yourself time and patience and you'll be fine. Date around until you find one that's right for you. Just don't let something like this get to you. There are worse things to worry about. Like gas prices.

I echo what Jon said.

I am one of those people just like you that Jon mentioned looking for something more than somebody to screw around with. Thing is, even though I am looking for it, its not something you can look for. I feel the same emotions as you. You cant go looking for love, or looking for the one.

One problem I have noticed is that when you're in these states of emotion you're sort of blinded. I see a lot of girls that I think are gorgeous and start thinking about love, girls I have never met. Now thats something you really need to learn control. I have learned to control it so that Im just out to have fun. Im still looking for a serious relationship, but I am just hanging out getting to know people. Make any sense?

I feel that I will know when the right girl comes along. It may not be the instant I see her, or it might. I dont know. Nobody knows. All I can say is what Jon said about rushing into it, dont. You may want to go chasing it trying to find it. And you want it so bad that you build a false sense of emotion. I know that feeling with somebody that I thought I was in love with. I kept asking what if, and I truely believed there was something there. The thing was there wasnt. The emotions were not founded on real "facts". One of my friends I was talking to about it said "sometimes you can want something so much that you miss seeing it".

What does that mean? If you want love so much you begin to miss it if you have experienced it. You build up feelings that arent really true. Sometimes you just need to let it out.

Mate, I am in the same boat as you, and I'll tell you that this surely isnt a speed boat.

Date around until you find one that's right for you.

I have to disagree here. I havent dated in four years. I have had these feelings in those four years though. You dont need to date to find the right one. In fact thats an aimless way to go about it. If you keep dating just to find the one you'll be wasting your time. The right one will come at some point, and when you find her you will realize it. It might not make any sense now, but after time it will.

A guy has to eat.

Patience.

I found a girl I really wanted to be with, but she couldn't fit me on her plate due to work and school commitments, so we're just friends now. Shit happens. Someone will come along.

I was single for 2.5 years til she came along....

gtmike400, u have to date to see what you are looking for in a girl. if u wait to find love at first sight, u might trick urself into thinking shes the perfect girl for u. its good to have bad experiences so u know that thats not what u want...

the problem is, the right one isnt always that obvious. You will never find the right one if your just into one type of a girl. Before i met my GF i was the guy who only wanted super hot girls that were really skinny, pretty, and total bomb shells. After a while i started to realise that 95% of those girls were either total ditzs or just plain dumb. Then my current GF was hired at my job. Shes about 6 inches shorter than me, not fat at all, but just the shorter body type. Still very pretty, and a nice tight body. Shes a real nerd, actually likes going to school. 4.0 Student, just made the presidents list at her college.

Well at first i had no interest in her at my work, i knew she liked me, i could just tell by the way she always starred at me. But after a while of getting to know her, i found out shes just like me and that we get along really well. We can talk about anything or talk about nothing. Spending time with her is great. I can be the biggest dumbass in the world and say the dumbest things imagineable and she just laughs at me.

See what im saying? The girl you want and the girl you need are two differnt things. But once you find the girl you need, she becomes the girl you want. But the girl you want will never be the girl you need.

If your not finding what you need with the girls you have been trying with, try it with a different type of girl. You might actually be suprised. And just as a tip, the nerdy girls are usually the wildest girls in the sack. There isnt a thing i havent done with my GF and not a thing she wont try.

Good luck, and remember to have fun before you find a girl, cause your at your best when your having fun, dont try to start a serious relationship, have fun with a girl and one will come.

thanks everyone for the input. that is my problem, knowing i want a serious relationship after so long a time of nothing serious at all. I'll be taking it easy, having a little more fun, and hopefully we're right, and a small thing will turn into something more serious.

gtmike400, u have to date to see what you are looking for in a girl. if u wait to find love at first sight, u might trick urself into thinking shes the perfect girl for u. its good to have bad experiences so u know that thats not what u want...

I've done enough dating and messing around to know what I want. In the past four years I've been out with girls, but nothing serious by any stretch. Just not what I'm looking for. Even when you think a girl is the right one, she may not be and you could realize that later on. But then again, love is blind. We dream of the perfect girl, and often the girl we marry isnt anything like that.

very true, i had 2, 3 year relationships that didnt work out. year one, perfect..... year three, ready to kill each other!hahaha

The best thing about dating around is being set up. My friends kept trying to set me up with so many guys before the one I fell for and they were all terrible! but it was so much fun. I'd highly suggest letting your friends set you up with someone