The Ultimate Klunker Machine

The Ultimate Klunker Machine
from BMW*
*Which in this case stands for “Bad Motor Works”
Yugo? Audi 5000 Turbo? Which is worse, a lemon for a car or an arrogant carmaker? How about being stuck with both at the same time? Therein lies the sorry saga of my friend’s six-year struggle to get his BMW 535 running right.

It seems that some carmakers, such as Lexus/Toyota, clearly get that the key to runaway success is building quality cars and backing them with an unending commitment to customer care. Yet other carmakers seem to want to run away from their problematic cars and customers’ problems with them. My friend’s experience with BMW underscores how fast and how far they’ve fallen into that group of carmakers that just don’t get it.

Mind you, this experience is NOT mine, but I did make sure everything below is true.

My friend Victor Lin, when still fresh out of school, was one of the founders of a Taiwanese semiconductor company. After eight years of working long days and longer nights, he and his associates took the company public. Victor decided to celebrate this major accomplishment by buying himself a brand new 2000 BMW 535. (Because of various import restriction and taxes, the BMW he bought in Taiwan cost about $90,000 US, or about twice what it costs in the United States.) Victor was thrilled for a while - far too short a while.

Almost from day one, his BMW 535 exhibited vibration and hesitation from a cold start, especially if not driven for several days. His repeated visits to the dealer did not resolve this irritating problem. Despite two engine over-heating incidents (the first within a year of purchase), these vibrations were deemed “non-critical” by the dealer. Being a “go-along-to-get-along” Taiwanese, Victor soon (too soon) gave up on fixing this “non-critical” problem. By the way, the dealer blamed the over-heating on Taiwan’s summer heat, saying that the weather isn’t conducive to an eight-cylinder powerhouse like the 535 (now, if that’s so, I wonder why they sold the car to Victor in the first place). Finally, early this year, during a routine maintenance visit, the mechanics finally admitted that the six-year-old vibration not only exists, but that it has caused cracks in the cylinder walls, coolant leaks, and obviously, a required engine rebuild. This is where I came in to the picture.

After more than a month of unheeded complaints to the local BMW people, hopeless Victor came to my office, hoping that his VP of International Business could help him. Mind you, I was VERY skeptical that there was anything I could do. But the more I dug into it, the more I felt Victor should at least attempt to contact headquarters. Surely someone at a higher up level in BMW must have some sense of how important good customer relations is to a business, especially a carmaker’s business, where repeat sales mean so much to profitable success. Victor and I must have written about half dozen emails to the CEO and the Customer Relations Manager. We got nothing for our effort, other than the usual, near clichéd, “sorry, but there is nothing we can do.”

Now here’s the climax:

As a last resort, I actually rerouted my most recent business trip so that I could have three (not one, or two, but three!!!) days in Munich (BMW’s headquarters), thus allowing enough to assure that I could meet with their Customer Relations Manager. My repeated emails were ignored. I left Munich disappointed.

Let’s for the moment set aside whether my friend Victor has a legitimate grievance or not - I simply don’t understand BMW’s attitude. Hasn’t it learned from Audi’s fiasco that it actually doesn’t really matter in the end who is right? That it’s customer service and the customer’s wallet that decides the market share battle? For those of you who don’t recall the matter, there were a spat of “sudden acceleration” with certain Audi 5000 turbo cars in the late 1980s, some of which resulted in death. Audi’s insistence that the problem was “driver error” and its arrogance ultimately escalated into sensationalized reporting. Audi America subsequently lost most of it market share. It took Audi several world-class cars (Audi 90, Audi A4) and about ten years to recover what it lost in a single PR disaster. You would think that all carmakers, especially the German ones, would have learned what the Greeks taught us two thousand years ago: arrogance is the ultimate demise of mankind.

As to the Yugo analogy: it would be a gross exaggeration to put BMW in the same class as Yugo. (Some might think Victor’s BMW 535 comes close.) However, the 2006 Consumer Reports Annual Car issue clearly shows that BMW is also no Toyota or Honda, much less a Lexus. For this reason alone, it’s simply not good business for BMW to mishandle problems to the extent where a disgruntled customer would have to go the lengths that Victor and I have had to. What are they thinking about in that Bavarian headquarters of theirs?

In these Internet times, when bloggers can instantly reach millions of potential car buyers, BMW might want to reconsider its promotional strategy, spend less on meaningless (arrogant) “Ultimate Driving Machine” TV spots costing untold millions of dollars, and put more into earning grass roots support from its customers.

Charlie Cheng
VP of International Business

Reply to: [email protected]

BMW a lemon? Bull shit. My friend bought a 95 BMW 4 years ago at the time the car had 218 thousand miles. he drive over 100 miles a day this car now has well over 400 thousand no problems other than basic maintenance... That is far more that I can say for any japanese vehicle let alone an american made car. american made cars just suck plain and simple. for example my mom had a 97 dodge stratus the car had 88K miles on it. This car was owned by a couple of elderly people for its first 20K who took car or it and had the complete maintenance recods. we bought it and the oil was changed religiously every 3K along with every other reccomended thing in the back of the book. The engine died at 88K That is sad. we drive german vehicles now and only german vehicles... They last for one hell of a long time... longer than anything else.

One bad BMW out of the hundreds of thousands made are not bad odds. Im guessing the problems are most likely do to something with the country. Certain specifications or restrictions for Taiwan.

I have not known any BMW to be a lemon or piece of junk. I've seen several with 300k+ miles on them, and some havent even been rebuilt. They are amazing pieces of German engineering.

Before you go off screaming about how bad BMW is, you may want to do a little research next time. If anything it is the owner's fault for not pursuing the problems he was having.

are u serious? be4 my 01 i was driving a 1984 733i.....can u say 22 years of german perfection?....i can, bmw is one of the greatest car companies ever to manufacture a car. ask a mechanic, i kno my pop agrees and hes been working on cars for over 40 years

btw, the 92 525I I have has 206,000 miles, original everything well other than basic maintanence. no problems ever with that car...

Long winded rants are never worth reading. Forum moderator - are they worth posting?

Does anybody read the other threads? I love my bimmer but boy is it a pain in the ass.

Jim

I’ve always loved BMW, and one person’s horror story won’t sway me from buying one. My brother in law owns a 91 750 with over 190.000 miles and it purrs like a kitten. Never had a single problem beyond normal wear and tear

I owned (still own one of them) TWO BMW's so far in my life. My first was a 1994 318is 5-speed. Even after I crashed it and fixed it, I haven't had any problems with electrical, drivetrain, etc. sold it with 165K on the clock, never regreted owning that old girl.

My current is a 2002 530i 5-speed as well. I bought it in bay area, later learning it came from the east coast. Short after got an "EML" light (something with electrical) $350 at the dealer fixed the problem, never surfaced again.

Mind you, I actually abuse these machines, and no other cars have lived up to my driving other then BMW. Especially Lexus/Toyota for me was disapointing, even the IS300 (Altezza) after copying E36 mid-engine design (yes it's a mid-engine design, almost) still left my friend disapointed, after he drove my old '94 E36. He said my 15 year old BMW felt better then his 3 year old Lexus.

There is one more thing most poeple miss. Even when you own an e28 (that's an old BMW for those who dont know) you still look twice at it before going inside the house -- these cars always look great, regardless how old they are. Lexus's just get old too fast, blend in with the traffic, and I dont care how shiny your 20" chrome wheels are...

As owner of 2 BMW '97 E39 540i and 2002 E46 M3, i have a definite opinion. First, BMW are engineered like no other auto in the world. The ride can be sweet but this comes at a price. The E39 with V8 and less with V6 have a laundry list of problems that should be recalled or just plain defective. Ask anyone about the cooling system. Just check a bimmer board and you will see. I love to hate them but love them to much to hate. Driving one will tell you this was meant for the driver. The BMW of old may have been more reliable but in today's world, Plastic radiator parts are programmed to die 50K to 100K miles max. I am on my third. Yet I still keep the cars because the are incredible drive. I only have the E39, but the engineering of the M3 saved my life. I crawled out of the car after a rollover with the top down. My only injury fractured ankle. Hated to see it go but was total loss and I am alive. I am debating now with the E39 if I should invest money significant to keep it going since it does need alot of work. But, It is still a very good looking car and performance is excellent. Just my opinion.