damn women

k so I have a problem. I went to a boarding school for my high school year. my last year there (this past year) I became pretty close to this one girl. we spent most of our spares together and when i had free time (which wasn't often) i was usually talking to her on msn. we'd talk every meal, etc etc.

so, everyone at school was saying we should go out and me, being the pussy that i am, i didn't ask her out. so summer comes around, i go on a week-long mission trip and come back to work. she works alot during the week and we've only been able to see eachother once so far.

here comes my problem, this past monday or tuesday i see she has a guy in her display pic, i ask who he is, she sais it's her boyfriend. like wtf. so that got me right pissed off, didn't tell her obviously cause i don't want to make things all awkward. Right now i'm just wondering if she actually likes me or if she just wants to be friends. i don't know if she went out with him because she doesn't have feelings for me or because i didn't ask her first. a little advice would be helpfull.

right now i'm just going to wait until it's over, until then just try to keep in touch and hang out and shit. once it's over, wait for a while for her to get over it then ask her out.

so advice/comments

You've known this girl for about a year already?? Congratulations!!! You're officially a FRIEND!!!! There's little hope for a relationship now unfortunately. You're one last chance might be after she breaks up with the new guy and you move in. But chances are slim to none at this point. Sorry. :frown:

:iagree:

Totally in the friend zone! If you actually want to have ANY chance at all to get her to be your girlfriend or.. anything else you have to stop talking to her whenever she wants you to, you have to be as if you're not touchable.

There's always hope, I dated my friend after knowing him for 3 years. He's no longer a friend or a boyfriend but it's no big loss. It really depends on how long you're willing to wait for her.

I agree that it depends on how long you're willing to wait for her. You shouldn't have wasted your chance before, but there's always hope.

On a side note, I always thought I was going to marry my best friend, we've been friends for 6 years. We went through phases of liking and not liking each other, but we both had terrible timing. Now we're just friends and incredibly happy nothing ever happened between us.

Yeah guy. You're officially in the Friend Zone :uhoh: The worst place known to man. Its possible to break free of this but its risky. I've entered the dreaded friend zone before. But before you attempt to break free you must be absolutely sure that this girl actually likes you. Now that she's "taken" you may want to wait, but if she truly has feelings for you, then she'd ditch the other guy. Again risky. But the only way to break out of the zone is to be aggressive. Only passive types like my former self fall into the friend zone. You gotta let her know your intentions or they'll never come to pass. Maybe (either consciously or not) she's dating this guy as a wake up call to you as in WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR? But if you value your friendship more than you'd value her as a girlfriend, then maybe the risk is too much for you.:2cents:

Well, you pretty much said it yourself (please note, I'm not calling you a pussy.): being the pussy that i am, i didn't ask her out.

I really don't see anyone you should be pissed at besides yourself, honestly. You knew about her, you had the connection to her, you had the opportunities (I'm guessing) but you just didn't follow through. Sorry mate, but inaction usually results in no action.

Yep. You're in the friend zone. I've been there before and on many occasions. Happens more than you think to more guys than you can imagine so don't feel like "damn, I failed, girls must not like me like that," because that's not the case at all. You've just got to accept it my friend. There are times when you can get out of the friend zone, but not too often, especially with a lot of high school girls (note, that comment is based on what I saw and experienced in high school)


On the other issue, I wouldn't dwell on this too much. You're young yet and this is just another stepping stone in life. EVERYONE has a crush on someone in high school. Trust me, there are plenty of women out there and there is no point in beating yourself up over the one you didn't get:smile:. If she's really amazing and you can't see yourself without at least one date then wait all you like. Otherwise, don't worry.

My advice would be to just stay friends with her. If it just so happens that in the future things between you change and she becomes interested in becoming more than friends, take the chance, but don't worry about it right now. It's summer! Scope the hotties:thumbsup:.

thanks all for the advice. i'm probably just going to stay friends with her, if she seems to like me "that way" after this guy i might go for it. I really don't want to ruin our friendship but i'd like at least one date to find out. ill probably just take her out as a friend, then go from there.

u should just come straight out with it, but dont sound desperate. just say i have a crush on you, and see how she reacts....

u should just come straight out with it, but dont sound desperate. just say i have a crush on you, and see how she reacts....

I dunno. I agree that you should come out with it but I'd avoid the word "crush" in particular. It reeks of 5th grade recess passing the "Do You Like Me? - Yes, No, Maybe" notes. Maybe to teenagers it doesn't sound as cheesy but I know if I said that, I'd get laughed at :cwm27:

Now we're just friends and incredibly happy nothing ever happened between us.

Nope!! Not a possibility if he's a straight man. He still wants to have sex with you.

You're in the friend zone for life buddy. You couldn't gather up the balls to ask her out and some other guy could - and you got angry?

WTF?

My advice - learn from it. And when you're after a woman, make your intentions clear from the start.

^or, if like me, you never had intentions to begin with, and half a year passes by and you find yourself falling for her, sieze the day, man... never wait on things like that, w/e the reason.

sry to hear that, bro, happened to me a while back in high school, you can only learn from it.

Could she cook?

Yeah she cooks really well, she also cleans and babysits because she's from russia and until she gets her greencard (or whatever the canadian equivalent is) she can't get a paycheck.

Dude...enjoy your life. Pursue your dreams and in the process you'll stumble across many, many amazing girls and then women as you become established in life. Then you'll find one who fits you better than you fit yourself. Until then, let this one go. Learn from the relationship, in 7-10, you'll be such a different person and you may even look back and think, "Thank God we never got together!" Other times you'll say, "Even though it's over, I'm a better man because of the time we spent together."

so i thought i'd give an update.

Last night i was talking to her and she asks me if i'm pissed off at her. so i told her no then eventually she tells me someone told her i got pissed at her because she got a boyfriend (which isn't true i was angry at myself) so i'm just thinking "fuck, why the hell would she tell her" so we got to talking and turns out she was just waiting for me to ask her out lol. she's like "i wasn't going to wait forever".

so yeah, that kinda sucks becuase she's got a boyrfriend n shit. oh well, i'll just have to wait until that's over.

Been there and done that...you're growing and changing. She's growing and changing. You can wait, but probably in vain. Sometimes the wanting is better than the actual having. You might be surprised at how much happier you'll be living your life instead.

I hate when that happens. Thats almost as bad as the friend zone, if not worse.

dude your still in, if he she told you that she couldnt wait forever for you Tell her this.

Tell her you really care about her and want to be with her. tell her your sorry for being such a pussy and not being more straigh forward with asking her out. Also tell her it hurts you to much to see her with another man, and that you want to be with her bad. Tell her if shes not with you, its going to be to hard for you to stay friends with her and watch some other guy be the guy you want to be.

Just throw it all the table, chances are she will coming running.

trust me, if you stick around and try to wait for her to break up with her boyfriend, it will only further push you into the friends zone. Because now your going to be the one she comes to to complain about her boyfriend, just like you were her best friend. And say after a 6month year long relationship, shes gonna loose feelings for you because shes giving those feelings to someone else. But for you, shes gonna gain those friendship feelings and always remember how you were there to help her out, and you will put yourself into the friend zone for LIFE!!!!

if you really want this girl you need to tell her and tell her now. I GUARANTEE 100% you will never be with her if you wait for her to leave her BF. That just makes you look like even more of a pussy because you didnt try to steal her away. Every girl already has a pussy, she doesnt want another one.

i did this one time to myself in high school, exact same situation. I totally screwed myself. What also happens is now she has a boyfriend she can fuck and be social with, and when she needs emotional support she will just come to you.

Is that what you want to be? Her after sex with another man emotional support? She just got done fucking her boyfriend 3 times and he didnt want to cuddle so he ran off with his buddies, so she calls to talk to you. But she wont tell you she just got done fucking, shes just calling to talk.

Trust me i know, if you dont tell her and try to get her NOW, you will never get her, EVER!

dude your still in, ...

Just throw it all the table, chances are she will coming running.

trust me, if you stick around and try to wait for her to break up with her boyfriend, it will only further push you into the friends zone.

i agree somewhat. what Jay's saying is true, but, don't expect her to come running. you should put it out there that you still have feelings for her, and that you're sorry for waiting, but don't expect her to just leave her bf, afterall, he is her bf so she must like him for something. if she doesn't just break up and come to you, atleast you'd have put it out there that you're still interested in her, and maybe it would sway her decision to leave her bf if ever it came to that.

like i said before, carpe diem.

Every girl already has a pussy, she doesnt want another one.

SIGGED

That's funny but 100% true.

Is that what you want to be? Her after sex with another man emotional support? She just got done fucking her boyfriend 3 times and he didnt want to cuddle so he ran off with his buddies, so she calls to talk to you. But she wont tell you she just got done fucking, shes just calling to talk.

Yeah I hate to think about this as I've been there too. It hurts, hurts like shit. Oh well, live and learn eh guys?

well when she gets back from north carolina (vacation with family) I'm gonna take her out for a drive and tell her. If she doesn't "come running" oh well, I'm not sure that i would want her to leave that guy for me because what if some other guy comes along, is she going to leave me for him? so she gets back in a week or so so ill set everything straight then.

For a drive? Do you want to make her uncomfortable? In my opinion, you should talk about it face to face where she can escape if she starts feeling uncomfortable, otherwise she might feel trapped. just my opinion.

good point, i didn't think about that, i was just thinking something where we're close, nobody's there to bud in or distract us, but i guess i should do it somewhere else. any suggestions? how about a restaurant or a park or something like that?

well i cant tell you if she really loves her bf or not, but my opinion about this..is well it wont last long at all and it also depends on how long you wanna wait for her...and you didnt lose your chance to get with her..you have eternity, so time isnt really the problem here..hopefully she,ll come running to you..she could also be lieing to make you jealous...never know

yeah, she's deffinitly not lying to me about what she said. i know her enough to tell you she wouldn't do shit like that. yeah, my thoughts are really trailling to other stuff so i can't really keep talking here. :smokin:

You could always go for a walk in a park or something, it's quiet but there's still people around and an exit.

well i cant tell you if she really loves her bf or not, but my opinion about this..is well it wont last long at all and it also depends on how long you wanna wait for her...and you didnt lose your chance to get with her..you have eternity, so time isnt really the problem here..hopefully she,ll come running to you..she could also be lieing to make you jealous...never know

dude you never have eternity with women. You must not get laid at all if you think you can just take your damn time with a woman. The more you wait, the more it pisses her off, you wait to long the woman loses interest in you and thinks you have no integrity. look at his situation, he waited to long, so she found some else.

that's a girl, man.