year 2029 headlines

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR:
2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Repost/out there/depressing.

although

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. made me chuckle, along with the Castro one.

eh sorry bout that havent seen it on here had it on my work comp for awhile and just rediscovered it

:lol2:

New to me!!! Good stuff.

bad bad part is that all of that is in the near future

Very nice.. they all made me laugh especially this one..

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Very nice.. they all made me laugh especially this one..

damn you! got it before me

SECOND BEST
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

i doubt it's gonna happen since there are still a lot of health freaks or people that keep active but we're getting pretty damn close

Micheal Jackson is arrested for sexually assualting pregnant women in hopes of "starting while they're young"

Micheal Jackson is arrested for sexually assualting pregnant women in hopes of "starting while they're young"

You fail at teh funny.

Micheal Jackson is arrested for sexually assualting pregnant women in hopes of "starting while they're young"
That is messed up on so many levels. I love it... to bad it will be true...:naughty:

You fail at teh funny.

Aww man, I put that solely to make you laugh so you'd be my friend. Im might kill myself now. STFU

Aww man, I put that solely to make you laugh so you'd be my friend. Im might kill myself now. STFU

you fail at sarcasm too. i'd reccomend a noose, or pills depending on which of the two your prefer.

you fail at sarcasm too. i'd reccomend a noose, or pills depending on which of the two your prefer.

Edited: I realized it was immature to leave a comment in retaliation and have the mod tell him not to post anything so I deleted my comment leaving just the following:

I realize this has gotten off topic and no one wants to sit here and read us argue so I will not be coming back into this thread anymore.

I realize this has gotten off topic and no one wants to sit here and read us argue so I will not be coming back into this thread anymore.

Good move. Chris, don't retaliate either.

Good move. Chris, don't retaliate either.

uh... just ruin all my fun why don't you...

whores...

man, those are so unbelievably old...like, back when dave was toskin! :lol:

loved the MJ one though. clever and wrong...perfection :thumbsup: go n00b! :grinno:

whores...

man, those are so unbelievably old...like, back when dave was toskin! :lol:

loved the MJ one though. clever and wrong...perfection :thumbsup: go n00b! :grinno:

Whos a n00b?

I liked the MJ one too. Sorry 2.2