Oral Etiquette

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)


1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
standard
practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 do not push on the top of my head. Last
I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" get it
through your head I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel
particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex
right now.

9. Extension to #8 "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my
Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't
tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get
blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we
will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot
easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be
thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gahron-tee
it'll be "sound asleep."

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

Originally posted by Pennzoil GT-R
[B]3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
standard practice to cum on someone's face.
Amen to that! :D

Can someone please post the Males Response to that....

Those are good man! :D

I sympathize for moondog :( :p

I'm with DaFoo..........where's the man's response to their ordeal?

I didn't think we complain that much??? :confused:

Well call me a boring old fart if you will...............but am I the last man on the planet who feels any sense of distaste at the whole sordid little act?Frankly,I'm not at all comfortable with oral sex.:( I'd rather be turned down flat and know that my partner has some self -respect than spend time with a girl who feels she should do it to please me,just like it pleased every other guy....and before anybody takes a shot,I have been offered on a few occasions and turned it down...largely because it's grubby,and also because I am spoken for!:silly2: :silly2:

Oh...and I don't care if you have seen Amercan Pie....keep it away from my beer,or else!:devil:

Originally posted by DaFoo
Can someone please post the Males Response to that....

half way down written in bold:A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

if you don't really like the girl then oral sex i can live with

if i really like her then she should not be a dirty slut since oral just seems like a dirty thing to do.........

very many exceptions

the 3 rules i believe in most strongly out of the list:

1)yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we
will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2)You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

3)If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

looks like a quick path to a slap around the ears:(

Originally posted by tazdev
looks like a quick path to a slap around the ears:(

of course you never speak of any of these rules when face to face with a woman!

:eek:

Shame shame shame. These are the rules that should never ever be spoken outloud to the member of the opposite sex. Its the only sure fire way to make sure you never get any

Originally posted by Damien
I sympathize for moondog :( :p
Somehow I don't think he's too cut up about it. :)

Originally posted by YogsVR4
Its the only sure fire way to make sure you never get any

I never get any anyway so makes no difference here.

Originally posted by darkness


I never get any anyway so makes no difference here.

quit bitching...at least you are still single.:(