this could mean birth control for some.....
ragt20
07-24-2002, 05:47 PM
For those who already have children past this age, this is good.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. :eek:
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas.
Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... Holy sh-t! A talking pig!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
My sister used to teach kids with learning difficulties. One day near christmas she was creating a seasonal collage on the wall of the classroom.
The kids were helping and she was explaining to them what she was doing as she went along. When it came time for her to add the postman to the scene to said to the children:
"Now why don't you all watch while I mount the postman"
The other two teachers in the room were nearly in need of medical attention!!
Sorry if anyone has seen it before, I can't remember them being posted here...
:rolleyes: :D :D
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. :eek:
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas.
Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... Holy sh-t! A talking pig!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
My sister used to teach kids with learning difficulties. One day near christmas she was creating a seasonal collage on the wall of the classroom.
The kids were helping and she was explaining to them what she was doing as she went along. When it came time for her to add the postman to the scene to said to the children:
"Now why don't you all watch while I mount the postman"
The other two teachers in the room were nearly in need of medical attention!!
Sorry if anyone has seen it before, I can't remember them being posted here...
:rolleyes: :D :D
Spec2 Girl
07-24-2002, 05:57 PM
rotflmao! :hehehe: I'm sure plenty of people on here will be able to relate to some of those! :p
YogsVR4
07-24-2002, 05:58 PM
Excuse me for a moment as I forward this on to the new wife..... :D
taranaki
07-24-2002, 07:47 PM
Been there done that.
Deakins
07-24-2002, 08:09 PM
lmao!
Number 8, 12 and 19 sounds familiar.
Number 8, 12 and 19 sounds familiar.
speediva
07-25-2002, 02:03 AM
*lol*
I can promise you that numbers 3 and 18 are VERY true! :eek:
I can promise you that numbers 3 and 18 are VERY true! :eek:
Damien
07-25-2002, 11:00 AM
I've must have done more than half that stuff!!! :lol2::lol2::lol2:
Pikachoo
07-25-2002, 11:53 AM
lololololol That's good stuff:hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe:
taranaki
07-25-2002, 06:22 PM
Originally posted by ragt20
For those who already have children past this age, this is good.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
:rolleyes: :D :D
Aaaaaargh!! Flashback!! Still start heaving when I think about this day....:apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke:
:uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh:
http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=19559&highlight=harpoon
:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:
For those who already have children past this age, this is good.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
:rolleyes: :D :D
Aaaaaargh!! Flashback!! Still start heaving when I think about this day....:apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke: :apuke:
:uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh:
http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=19559&highlight=harpoon
:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:
darkness
07-25-2002, 06:27 PM
Hence why I will not be having kids.
Damien
07-25-2002, 06:50 PM
I feel sorry for you Mr. T! :(
I'm with Darkness!
I'm with Darkness!
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