Need help with life...

Well... you see the problem is this: I have grown to hate my life... I dont mean this in an emo way, and i have hopes of changing this.

The reasons i hate the way my life has become: Im 18, never had girlfriend, and screwed up the closest ive gotten on the first date. I have bad nervous problems in public, getting better tho but in highschool for whatever reason i would get too nervous to talk to teachers. And the last big reason is that i am overweight a bit... 210 pounds at about 6 foot tall... but have been working on that alot as well(lost 30 pounds since two months ago)

OK, so now that you know the background history of the situation, heres where i could use your help:

My free time is from 7-whenevery(mon,tue,thur,fri) 4-whenever(sat) and morning till 6(sun)

SO...?? the whole point of this is that i need help in knowing what to do in my free time to attempt to improve my life(shouldnt be too hard, i dont have one now)..., I need something that is really easy to meet new people(when im most nervous)

I guess i should start with friday night..., i need someone to tell me what to do.(i dont drink), o and im not rich either...

If you were bored enough to actually read all that and maybe even attempt to help me out THANKS MUCH!!!

O... and no laughing pls... ive put up with enough of that kind of thing...

What do you like doing?

6ft and 210 isn't fat man. You can burn that off in no time. I have a few friends that were around that, well fluctuate b/c they work out hard and lose it then go back to drinking all the time and slacking on the work out. Just hop on the tread mill and bike. Push yourself but not right away. But don't push yourself to the extreme. If you start getting dizzy stop, get water and sit down.

Don't know what to tell you about being publicly nervous, or talking to teachers. You just have to do it. I'm a pretty shy person myself, but sometimes you just have to bit the bullet and do things you don't want to.

im thinking do the few confidence builder things i know about. workout, do your hobby stuff. mine is cars, so i work on my cougar. girls... pssh they are easy just be your self. adults dont talk up to them if they talk down to you. every one here is human.

pretty much what im saying is get your self in a comfortable state of mind. leaders are those that keep thier heads when all those around them have lost thiers. basically if you are uncomfortable do something that comforts you, write, read, strike up a conversation. sitting back not dealing with your discomfort will show, others do notice it.

if girls are an iminent thing in your life where you simply must have a girlfriend, i took my gym teachers advice and attempted the dancing unit (im granted im a sr in a jr gym class) and god damnit i could barely remember whos name went to which number. im not saying you do the same but they say learning to dance... weightlifting, and learning (if you are smart people tend to turn to you if they have a problem) all builds confidence.

well thats my shot at it take it as you will. best of luck to you.

well the weight thing is something i will be constantly working on but its not my highest priority right now...

The question about what i like doing, well i havnt really done much public stuff so i really dont know what i would like to do. I did goto a bar with a few local bands one night and it was alright and all but i got nervous and stood like a security guard the whole night...

And my nervous problems have gotten well better then having problems with talking with teachers, but i would have problems going up to a random girl in public and attempting to start a conversation....

One thing that i can get real comfortable around is cars(like many others here im sure), and i have an 02 z28 so i can strike up a conversation with something like that, maybe a carshow or dragstrip... but i cant go places like that alone or i would just sit their doing nothing...

Thanks for the replies...

Well if you like working out, work out a public gym or something. If nothing else it gets you out.

You can take your Z28 to car shows like you said, and really, just force yourself to talk to people. Being nervous about talking with people you don't know, and especially chicks, is something I've always found you just have to punch through. No easy way around it, just got to do it.

My suggestion if you are looking for confidence, a place to work out and meet people is join a martial arts school. Boxing, Judo, Karate, whatever.

Yeah, since when is 6 ft 210 fat? Im around 6 ft and 205. Im not fat by any means. Im kinda shy myself but once you get used to talking to new people its really easy to overcome.

I was like that through most of high school. It changed really fast and easily for me when I got a job in retail. It forces you to talk to many different types of people, you'll find new friends, all while you're making money...hell I go to work to socialize now.

Im around 5 ft and 305. Im fat by many means. Im kinda shy myself

Yet he has a very nice truck, is dating a model now at the moment, and made Ron Jeremy cry at the urinal.

You don't see him crying or anything. Nope, he charges at life head on. All of us can learn a lot from this guy right here.

Start skydiving. That's the cure for everything.

you could always join the military...........no bias intended. you need something to do..that will give you plenty.

Sounds to me like your a pussy who dosn't like yourself
No offence or anything really
Im 6' 280, i got muscle, nobody really dosn't like me
Nobody really likes me either
You need to get out and talk to girls, one of my favorite things to do
Play games or something man, this really isn't something someone on a internet forum can help you with

Sounds to me like your a pussy who dosn't like yourself

let's try not to make comments without supportive evidence.

just because he's nervous means nothing.

you could always join the military...........no bias intended. you need something to do..that will give you plenty.

+ 3

I'm 6' 185lbs, I am not built by any means. I have broad shoulders but not alot of muscle on my bones. Just cuz he's tall doesn't mean he doesn't have a little something he's ashamed about. I was pretty much 185 from 5th grade till now but for awhile in college I went down to 165 then back up to 195 or so, It feels good but sometimes when you look at yourself you still see fat or something wrong.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I have the same problem. You go to a bar and you feel like a bouncer in the corner because you just don't know what to do, you look in the mirror and feel like you just don't look like you wish you did. Its low self confidence man. You just need to stop thinking like that.

You really just need to say "fuck it I can at least try, what do I have to lose". Most girls are more concerned with talking to you and that you are nice,and confident in yourself!!! and if they are not concerned with that then screw them you can do better. There are so friggen many its not even worth it to be concerned about getting shot down. Besides maybe being shot down will give you a chance another night. Its happened to me before, who knows what will happen. Anything you can think of to strike up a convo and keep it going will work usually.

I guess all I'm trying to say is your hesitation to talk and your low self confidence is all in your head. You really just need to come to terms with it and say screw it I can do this, and know you mean it.

Man when I was younger I could have gotten so many girls I wouldn't have known what to do with them but because of my low self confidence I never realized when they were actually into me or I said to myself " they couldn't possibly like me they are beautiful and look at me" But know after years of people and girls saying otherwise and I suppose just a more mature outlook on life I have found self confidence in my looks etc. You need to do the same.

give me a ring on AIM sometime. you sound alot like me when I was younger. Maybe I could have more advice for you if you want. Its Ht intgr8 on AIM.

Play games or something man, this really isn't something someone on a internet forum can help you with


The thing i need help with is what i can do, this isnt just about me being nervous or getting a girl... i just dont know what(places to go, things to do) i can do to get a life.

I already have a job at a dealership that i cant change, its the reason im going to school. But my english class starts wed, and it should help out a bit i think.

I never realized when they were actually into me or I said to myself " they couldn't possibly like me they are beautiful and look at me" But know after years of people and girls saying otherwise

that is exactly what happened to me and the only girl i went out with... people told me she was interested and i couldnt see it being possible...


What do normal people do on friday nights?

Thanks for all the help guys(and girl)

Hey man, it sounds like you have a nice car and a good job. If things are relatively normal in your financial and domestic situations then I'd say you are pretty lucky.

I just heard on the radio this morning that people get into relationships (good or bad) just to be in them or they latch onto people because they need to fill a void in their life, but chances are that the person they're with will never actually fill that void. In other words, don't go looking for love, dude. I had this problem for a very long time. I was convinced that the reason no girl wanted anything to do with me was because of my appearance. But now I think it had to do with the people I associated with. I'll admit that I'm a pretty shy person even though I'm quite an asshole sometimes. At work, I don't talk to anybody because I'm afraid I might say something out of place and don't want to jeopardize my livelihood. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to figure out what makes you happy personally. There are some good suggestions above. I don't think you want to go jump right into the military though. But you could take a karate class or something else you may be interested in. Who knows? You may even meet some decent people with similar interests or a girl. GL

I've learned to be very happy alone. You just have to find something that makes you happy. I like riding my bike and walking around downtown and stuff. I just find activities that I can do alone and not seem weird...

As far as what normal people do on Friday nights, the majority of the people around here either go to the movies, bowling, or out in the middle of the woods to get drunk. I don't do any of those. I sit at home on my computer and try to live vicariously through internet porn stars.

several options, but for onw, you need a close friend. I swear if you were my friend and I've had a few like you, no offense, but I took them out all the time and we chilled,talked to people, strangers, w/e. Since i live in Va Bch, it was the oceanfront every other night almost of the summer and he broke his shyness and nervousness, had a g/f and everything well before the summer was over.

That's the biggest. While, i'm highly socialbe and can go out whenever, moving back here, most of my friends were gone so I really got into my photography, writing, and work. I needed money so I took every job i could and that became my social life really. I liked the people i worked with and you know. I gues sit's caus eof my personality it's easier for me, but that's what i did.

So you just want things to do with people? I have that same problem, none of my close friends like to do anything, but when we get togather to do shit its pretty cool

So you just want things to do with people? I have that same problem, none of my close friends like to do anything, but when we get togather to do shit its pretty cool

YES... that is exactly what i want... but the thing is that i dont have any friends. And about getting a girlfriend, that doesnt have to happen right away, but since it took me 18 years to get one date i would like to speed up the process...

There is a music festival with like 20 bands in it this saturday night, so i think i might try to find someone to go to that with, maybe my brother and his girlfriend. But i think getting used to big crowds could help...

I used to have a social life at work, it was where i met that one girl, i had to leave to goto the dealer, but came back on sunday nights, but now everyone is gone...

Keep the advice and criticism coming...

Thanks for your help...

Don't worry about a GF... I'm 22 and never had one either (don't want one!). Everyone always says to be yourself, and that is the truth. Things don't happen by just sitting around waiting for something worthwhile either. You can't change tomorrow if you don't change today! And remember you CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU PUT YOU'RE MIND TO IT. It's a big world, and what you want is out there. Go get it!

Don't sweat the girl thing. I'm 24 and only dated, never had an actual long term girlfriend. Why bother when I knew they were up to no good anyway? HAHA.

Not trying to call you out man, but do no really have many friends? Why aren't you hanging with them?

Thats what i meant... the girl thing really isnt that important..

and no i dont have any friends... i stil talk to two people from highschool at most once a week and its mainly car crap, and i was still friends with the girl but i think shes done with that...

Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...

...always look on the bright side of life!

Always look on the bright side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle -- that's the thing!
And... always look on the bright side of life...

Come on!

Always look on the bright side of life...

For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow!
Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow!

So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of sh*t,
When you look at it.

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

And always look on the bright side of life...

Always look on the bright side of life




I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself. When I think of something I'll make a productive post I promise.

Well, I used to be really shy, and I know you dont drink, but why should that stop you from going to parties? Thats probably the easiest place to meet people and get used to groups. Not everyone drinks at parties either.

Stop thinking of yourself as not normal. Everyone is different. The fact that you see others doing things that you wish you were doing doesn't make them any more "normal" than you. Heck, some of us take great pride in being different. There are plenty of people (even girls!) out there who like the same things you do. Don't hibernate whatever you do. Get out there and do stuff!

i'm sorry to hear that man, but i'll tell you what, the #1 first place to start is in your head, cuz let me tell you, confidence really shines thru. do what you can to change the way you think, you shouldn't be depressed like this. once you got that down, just take risks in your life, make it more interesting. try talking to a random person, just for the fun of it. see where conversation leads you. you might get a date, or you might get a slap in the face. go to some parties, introduce yourself to strangers, spark up conversation, just enjoy pple's company. you like music? Concerts are a great place to meat pple, too. Social life is very important to personal health, so do what you can to improve one, and it will improve the other, and visa-versa.
being overweight is tough, but as long as you're working on it, you shouldn't let it come in the way. don't even think about it. remember, confidence is key. hope you feel better, bro.

Well... you see the problem is this: I have grown to hate my life... I dont mean this in an emo way, and i have hopes of changing this.

The reasons i hate the way my life has become: Im 18, never had girlfriend, and screwed up the closest ive gotten on the first date. I have bad nervous problems in public, getting better tho but in highschool for whatever reason i would get too nervous to talk to teachers. And the last big reason is that i am overweight a bit... 210 pounds at about 6 foot tall... but have been working on that alot as well(lost 30 pounds since two months ago)

OK, so now that you know the background history of the situation, heres where i could use your help:

My free time is from 7-whenevery(mon,tue,thur,fri) 4-whenever(sat) and morning till 6(sun)

SO...?? the whole point of this is that i need help in knowing what to do in my free time to attempt to improve my life(shouldnt be too hard, i dont have one now)..., I need something that is really easy to meet new people(when im most nervous)

I guess i should start with friday night..., i need someone to tell me what to do.(i dont drink), o and im not rich either...

If you were bored enough to actually read all that and maybe even attempt to help me out THANKS MUCH!!!

O... and no laughing pls... ive put up with enough of that kind of thing...


What ever you do, don't soak it up in alcohol, or games like Warcraft.

The addiction is hard to kick.

Well back to warcraft! :grinyes:

Do you like to ride bikes? Have a bike? Can you take her offtrack?

Vinney's right, confidence does shine through.

The confidence thing will take a while... but i understand what your saying and ill have to start working on that.

By bikes do you mean bycicle, if so then yes, otherwise no

Thanks

yeah, like mountain bikes, or road bikes (BMX)!

I'm still working the confidence thing so I know what you're talking about, but a lesson we seem to never learn is to act.

Just say Hi, it's that simple.

Hey man, Im 18 as well, and im a "staggering" 215 lbs. I have the broad shoulders and no muscle to back it up (along with the "man boobs" and a lil gut). I'm the same way you are, I'm extremely shy (unless it deals with cars or music) and dont have the greatest number of friends either. but concerts are a hell of a way to meet people. up here in ny we have car sleep outs every so often in the summer (put on by percision mobile audio) and we all just chill out overnight around a bondifre in their parking lot and talk about cars and music and every other aspect of life. (since i began going to that kind of stuff, ive noticed that im more mellow now than i was 2 years ago)
For parties, only like 30% of the people around here actually drink, the rest of us will just chill and watch the drunkin idiots and laugh.
And bro, just for the fact that your willing to try to make the best of your situation in life, shows that you have what it takes. Confidence.... That is got the be the biggest pain in the a*s anyone ever seems to deal with. The best way to cure that, is to begin on small conversations with a person of the oppisate (sp?) sex. Maybe you have a sister that has friends, begin the talk there. Simple Hi's and Hello's can turn into a full fledged conversation. then you may not feel yourself being so overwhelmed in a "situation" with a member of the oppisate sex you dont know.
As far as ideas for what to do on the weekends or w/e. Do you play an instrument? Do you bowl? how about swim? Maybe going down to the local track or maybe a car show? What kind of music do you listen to? what is around were you live? maybe your near a beach of somekind, go there and swim, ad have small talk with people, even if its only a "hi/bye" ordeal. every little bit helps. Even the public gym could be a good start.
Bill

In florida there doesnt seem to be many activities like that, just tourist attractions. And in my physical condition i couldnt see me going to the beach(hour drive anyways), and probobly the gym too...

And the concert i was going to tonight has an age restriction of 21, so apparently im not going to that...

My sister doesnt live here anymore, And i dont play an instrument, i could bowl, and dont swim.

So... since my saturday night is free once again... can someone tell me what to do tonight...

since i began going to that kind of stuff, ive noticed that im more mellow now than i was 2 years ago
Sounds like thats exactly what i need, now i am apparently really strict and have no personality at all...

Thanks for the help!

In florida there doesnt seem to be many activities like that, just tourist attractions. And in my physical condition i couldnt see me going to the beach(hour drive anyways), and probobly the gym too...


Do you think all those guys tossing iron around in the gym were born benching 300 right out of the womb? No one is going to give you a hard time. None of the guys I work out with give the newbies a hard time; we respect the fact they're in the gym trying to improve themselves.

And the ones who do give the newbies a hard time are assholes and we don't give a rip what they think.

Shake it off, man, get a grip. Get righteously pissed and get your ass down to the gym. Hell, go out and start running around the damn block. Everybody (even Chuck Norris) had to start somewhere.

As much as I hate commercials, JUST DO IT.

get a couple of red bulls, play limp bizkit's "full nelson" and "break stuff" loud until the adrenaline's going then get to the gym. just bite the bullet. no point putting it off and never going.

Good point 03cav. Everybody has to start somewhere. I assist teaching a martial arts class at a local community college. We get people of all fitness levels and never look down on any of them. Why would we? They're actually DOING something to improve themselves. All of these people gain at least a little more self confidence, some a lot more.

Well i was wanting to join a gym before school started back up, but now i dont have that kind of money... spending 20-30 bucks a month on that is bordline not having enough money for car payment or gas... Or i would at least have to wait a few more weeks so i can figure out my money situation since school started back up.

And of course last night... another saturday wasted, all i did is talk on the phone. And my plan for today: have to help mom with construction, then work at 6... what fun...