Why am I here?

Recently this has been plauging me as I see little to no reason for my existance more and more. I have spent the begining years of my life simply existing, fighting, being in the wrong croud doing things which gave me a dark perspective on life. Well I later made a true friend who showed me there was alot more to life and ever sence then I cleaned up. (i'm 19 bty, 20 in less than 3 months, i've had ALOT happen in that time) Ive spent my last 3 years helping people, and never asking or recieving anything in return. It made me feel good to help. Well, more and more so, I cant seem to help people, but one day when I needed help a very beautiful kind girl helped me out, who i feel in love with. Its been close to a year now she and I have been together, and more and more so she acts like i'm not worth the attention, and when i'm at my worst, she dosent try to help me much. One who I considered my best friend, the one who helped me clean up is now dug deep into alot of what I used to do...and I cant help her see otherwise. Another good friend simply cant seem to get a break, nomater how hard he trys, and deserves it and I do what I can to help him, but more and more he becomes bitter and looses his charm and kind spirt I used to admire so. I do my best working at my job, but never get anykind of recognition, and never will as it looks. My parents/family/friends never really gave me praise in my life, if I did wrong, they always come down on me, but nomater how much good I do, its just less than expected. If I can never meet any expectation, I cant help anymore to anyone, I cant advance in my job, I cant have true love, and I cant hold onto anything good, why do I exist? No, i'm not thinking of simply ending it, I know I cant, but I dont see a point to my existance. Ah well, probally me rambling, but I figured I would see what others say anyhow.

Hmmm, I've asked myself this question many a times and I've only been able to come up with one answer(well, one since I've started being a bit more hopeful). And thats that we're all here for one purpose, to have as much fun and squeeze as much goddamn enjoyment out of these sacks of carbon we call bodies.

If your not enjoying yourself theres no point. Now I'm saying if your not enjoying yourself you should end it, but that you should change things. I look at things that most others think of as huge and complicated on a somewhat simplistic scale. If your not enjoying yourself, your goal shold be to change that. Since our situations never change for us(at least not for the better) very often, then that means we have to change them our selves. It doesn't have to be anything major(although it can be). I'll use the same example a mate of mine used on me long ago. Go rent American Beauty(unabashed plug:AWESOME MOVIE!!!). That has a good example of what i mean. Kevin Spacey plays a guy who absoluelty hates his life, goes on living for 40 years and never does a thing about it. Then one day he just decides to change, and everything changes with him.(note: please don't take the end of the movie as a reason not to take my advice...I'd say more but i don't want to ruin it.)

Bottom line, if you aren't happy wth your current situation you aren't going to be. You need to change something, whether be something as simple as working out in your garage or something major like moving and making a completely fresh start. Just try something different and if it doesn't work, try soemthign else :)

My .02.

You're going to go through life facing a lot of tests. If want, you can view this whole scenario that you just explained as different tests.

In one scenario, you have a person who helped you get out of the bad things that you were involved with. He helped you to see things in a different light. The test is now the reverse of the original scenario in that now he's going that route. For now, just keep this in mind, ponder on it later.

Next you have a femal friend whom you've grown attached to. You two have probably shared a lot and things, well with time, lose their luster. The thing you have to realize is that sooner or later you were going to cross this bridge. My advice to you is, sit down, talk to her and see what it is that is needed. Both from you and her. Analyze the information that you guys exchange and see what is the next step. Should you part ways, so be it. You shouldn't look at this as a loss though, more like a new chapter in your life is about to be created. However, should things come out that maybe you guys just need a little space or what have you, honor that and try to make things work between you two.

In the third scenario, you're feeling sympathy for someone who can't really get a break. It's unfortunate that things like this happen, but they are a part of life. There is no real sound advice that I can offer to him other than, not to give up. Move on and see other things through. If you fail at one thing, you might succeed in another.

To get back to the first one. This person brought you out of trouble. I honestly believe that you should not give up on him/her and that no matter how bleek it may seem, you have to show your support. Or you can just turn your back and let it be. But I'm sure if this person is truely a genuine friend, you wouldn't even consider the last option I mentioned.

As for you TV, the only thing I can say to you is, don't get discouraged. Everyone has something to do in this life. It's the choices and decisions we make, that make life worthwhile. You may not see a point until later on. Then you realize the good you have done. Don't always look for the immediate reward. Sometimes we have to wait to see the good we do. Yeah people come down hard on you sometimes, but the only thing you need to do is show that it doesn't bother you. Life does not get any easier as you get older and if you begin to ponder things like this now, what's left for your future. Listen to me with what I'm going to say to you. Always look straight ahead. Don't look back and don't look to the sides, they will only discourage you. In the end, you will look back and say, I've helped many, and saved a few.

Life is just a series of changes, otherwise it would be boring as hell!

All you can do it try your best and do what pleases you. You shouldn't be someone you're not, if others don't like you the way you are, so what!

After serving 4 years in the USAF, I moved here to California from Hawaii to start a new life and meet new people. I already had some friends here that I had met in the service but managed to meet many new friends. Although divorce was a downer, it is just one step in my life and look forward to the next step and new friends.

Keep the chin up, you have a lot of living left to do, and it does get better if you let it.

At this point all I do is work on my car. It is in a form my way of American Beauty. With my friend, I do what I always do, try to no avail. With love, I let it go how it is, I did all I could, and I still try with her, but if she wont listen, then i wont make the mistake so many others have. I am somewhat happy, and have no real complaints, and I thank you all for your comments and oppinions. For now I just take it as life gives it and wait till theres a good point for me to jump back into life.

My life is my cars and being an internet junkie! I've the pleasure of communicating with people from other parts of the country and the world. Hell, I took a week off from work last week to do minor repairs on 3 of my cars. It wasn't like going out but I enjoyed it. My girlfriend is working all kinds of overtime to help pay for her house improvements so working on my cars was ideal.

it defentally makes a day seem good :D

I was put on this world to raise hell and have a good time. I TOO am an internet junkie, and 100% car fan. I'm lucky i'm in a technical High school instead of a regular High school learning auto repair. Sometimes I wondered why i was born. At times I really hate my life, but then I remember my friends, and that I have a car waiting to be cleaned and taken care of outside :D So I figure as long as you live life in the fast lane and not have anyone tell you what to think about in life, life itself will be a hell of a lot more fun than it can be.