Am I wrong?

Well ive been with my girlfriend for about 2 years. (im 19 she is 18) we get along and we do love each other. But the problem is that I am set about NOT having kids. So, in my mind, the way to go about that is not do 'it' (anymore). As you can imagine, she is upset about this, and in turn, I am too. But I am a 'boring' person, and she is the opposite. Ive already told her that I just want her to be safe, etc. She doesnt realize the risk. Am I being too harsh about it or should I just lighten up? Im just very cautious about things and I feel that she just doesnt see the other side of the coin. I know there is 'protection' and such but I have heard about too many mistakes, accidents, etc. We are young, I think she is trying to grow up too fast. I think she is going to end up leaving me because of this.

Im in the same boat my friend Im 19 and my woman is 18, we are young my man plenty of time yet

Vasectomy.

Well I honestly think you should lighten up and continue having sex, just be safe about it. Yes accidents do happen, but see if you can get her to take the pill. If she doesnt, or she wants to have kids, then you should honestly break up since you want different things and she can also sadly get pregnant without you wanting her to anyway..

Goodluck, man.

Vasectomy.

I also agree with this.. they are reversable too, so nothing to be worried about.

Vasectomy.

:1:

If you are 100%, no going back, I'm set on this, I won't change, about having kids then this is the way to go.

You should know though that this isn't even safe. There is a very, very, very, very, very small chance your tubes could grow back together and allow you to get a girl knocked up. This rarely happens though and you'd be pretty safe.

If you don't want to do this though, try to get your girl on the pill, wear a condom, and withdraw every single time. That's about the safest way I could see going about things beside the vasectomy or just not doing it at all.

if she will break up over you wanting to be safe and do stuff other than full on sex....there is a problem and you dont really have love bro.

Love isnt sex.

its true, love istn' sex. but sex, from a psychological standpoint, is something that is still VERY important in a relationship. its a physical act of emotion that shows intimacy with one another, and just giving up on that may seem logical for your given situation, but its not reasonable, imo. There are other ways you can approach this. Wear a condom, get her on the pill, surgery, Day After pill.

Lighten up bro, i can see she's upset. if you two really love eachother, than talk out why you two are not ready for children, but don't take drastic measures such as abstinance. sex, no matter how superficial some may make it to be, is a necessity in an intimate relationship.

Sounds like you need to talk about it. Does she want kids now? Will she go on the pill/shot/IUD? Will she use condoms?

You gotta talk about it. Just telling someone you've been going out with for 2 years that you're not going to have sex anymore....

If she leaves you, good. You don't need her anyways. Unless she's an awesome cook...

If she leaves you, good. You don't need her anyways. Unless she's an awesome cook...

I like how you insert cooking into all of these relationship questions.


Well played.

my guy did the SAME thing to me. (he's 20 i'm 18 in a month) and i can see why she is so frustrated. at least for me, i took it personally like he didn't find me attractive enough anymore or he was getting it from someone else and just didn't feel like it with me. if you love each other as much as it seems like you do, sit down and sincerly talk over all your options. talk about getting the pill, condoms, w/e works out best for the two of you. you can have sex without having kids, you just need to think smart and be prepared.

you can always hope your fish dont swim upstream

its true, love istn' sex. but sex, from a psychological standpoint, is something that is still VERY important in a relationship. its a physical act of emotion that shows intimacy with one another, and just giving up on that may seem logical for your given situation, but its not reasonable, imo. There are other ways you can approach this. Wear a condom, get her on the pill, surgery, Day After pill.

Lighten up bro, i can see she's upset. if you two really love eachother, than talk out why you two are not ready for children, but don't take drastic measures such as abstinance. sex, no matter how superficial some may make it to be, is a necessity in an intimate relationship.


I disagree. There are many couples who have great relationships without sex. So, sex isn't necessary.

you can always hope your fish dont swim upstream

True, but there always seems to be that one little fish that's able to go up waterfalls, run over rocks, and have more strength than the other fish. It always seems to be that one little guy.

I disagree. There are many couples who have great relationships without sex. So, sex isn't necessary.

If they have been having sex thus far, and he is cutting it off, she's obviously going to be feeling that they will be further apart. having sex in a relationship shows intimacy, and it brings a couple closer. If it is taken away, a person in the relationship may feel further away than before. She's probably threatened by this, and wants to keep that previous level of intimacy.

I'm sure there are relationships that are working great without participating in sex, but once you do it, it becomes as necessary as talking to eachother about personal things. If there are couples out there that is forcibly living without sex, it is probably very hard for them, and they must be very intimate with eachother in other respects. but i still stand by what i said b4, sex is necessary in an intimate relationship

The main thing is I'm just really worried about having an unplanned pregnancy... This sounds pretty selfish, but I dont want to have kids because I just want to live my life and accomplish as much as I can without being burdened.

you're not being selfish at all. having children is THE biggest responsibility in life, period. If you are not ready to have children, don't try. However, unplanned pregnancy isn't always a bad thing. Its true you'd have to sacrifice a planned future, but you're doing it for the life of a child, and thats a beautiful thing.

Like i said earlier, you don't have to practice abstinence to avoid pregnancy. it is the only sure-fire way, but it's not really reasonable in the relationship. Use a condom with spermacide, get her on the pill, etc. there are many steps you can take.

I probably won't be well liked on this thread but here it goes anyway. You sound like one of the more mature people at your age than most. You hit it right on, the ONLY 100% sure way not to get her pregnent is abstainance. At your age you do not want children, that's understandable, but don't base a decision that will effect the rest of your life on what you think now, there is a very high chance you will change your mind down the road. A vascectimy is reversible, but the odds of it being succesful are quite low. Yes there are many options out there for birth control, but you sound like you have some morals. The day after pill is nothing more than an early abortion, not to mantion it is the womans choice to take it if she wants to, not yours. I know you said you love each other, but give yourself more time to build some wisdom and really learn what love is to you. If she really loves you, she will understand your decision, and love you for being the kind of man that can make that decission and stand by it no matter how hard it is. With all the easy outs we have now, far too many people look at sex as just another hobby. The fact is nobody ever died from a lack of sex. Yes sex is important in a relationship, but it is only important if it is a strong, lasting committed relationship. The problem is people hold no real value in sex anymore. The only value it holds to so many is just to get some, not the meaning or connection or RESPONSIBILITY. I give you alot of respect for thinking of this, it is people like you with this kind of thought and conviction that go far in life. So don't let anybody tell you it's not important and to just keep getting some. How much asex you get does not determin how good of a man you are, your values,honor, and respect given and earned are a real testimant as to being a man. Good luck and do what you feel is right.

Hey if you can stop having sex and shes cool with it then more power to you man. God knows I couldnt just stop, I would go insane. But thats me.

But really if you dont want kids just be safe about it. I had an unexpected pregnancy with my (now) wife 3 years ago and to be honest it has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I am not saying it's the best for everyone just me.

Just thought I would add my :2cents:

I don't want kids either. 6.5 billion on the planet, why add to it?
I've stopped going out with 3 women because I couldn't trust them to not get pregnant. Not the best solution, but I don't have any kids.
I got pretty burned by the last mess I was in, so I've been celebit for the last 8 years now, although I still get some offers.

With all the easy outs we have now, far too many people look at sex as just another hobby. The problem is people hold no real value in sex anymore. The only value it holds to so many is just to get some, not the meaning or connection or RESPONSIBILITY.


Totally agree. Some of the guys i used to hang out with were like that. They would screw any girl, anytime, and would do anything to get it. Honestly pathetic. One of them has a kid already and still does that kinda shit. One night he tried to tell ME that i had no morals because im 3 yrs older than my gf. Sorry but ill date anyone any age over having a kid at 21. When i have sex with someone i want it to mean something, not just about getting off. Thats what internet porn is for.

I probably won't be well liked on this thread but here it goes anyway. You sound like one of the more mature people at your age than most. You hit it right on, the ONLY 100% sure way not to get her pregnent is abstainance. At your age you do not want children, that's understandable, but don't base a decision that will effect the rest of your life on what you think now, there is a very high chance you will change your mind down the road. A vascectimy is reversible, but the odds of it being succesful are quite low. Yes there are many options out there for birth control, but you sound like you have some morals. The day after pill is nothing more than an early abortion, not to mantion it is the womans choice to take it if she wants to, not yours. I know you said you love each other, but give yourself more time to build some wisdom and really learn what love is to you. If she really loves you, she will understand your decision, and love you for being the kind of man that can make that decission and stand by it no matter how hard it is. With all the easy outs we have now, far too many people look at sex as just another hobby. The fact is nobody ever died from a lack of sex. Yes sex is important in a relationship, but it is only important if it is a strong, lasting committed relationship. The problem is people hold no real value in sex anymore. The only value it holds to so many is just to get some, not the meaning or connection or RESPONSIBILITY. I give you alot of respect for thinking of this, it is people like you with this kind of thought and conviction that go far in life. So don't let anybody tell you it's not important and to just keep getting some. How much asex you get does not determin how good of a man you are, your values,honor, and respect given and earned are a real testimant as to being a man. Good luck and do what you feel is right.
how very uninformed of you to say that. the morning after pill works by DELAYING ovulation or preventing any existing egg in the fallopian tubes from implanting. the morning after pill won't work if the egg is already fertilized, so it is NOT an abortion pill. <--so all you pro-life people just chill about it. i agree it shouldn't be used constantly as a regular form of birth control but should be there incase accidents happen. just thought i would clear that one up. it's perfectly safe too, like no side affects at least for the one time i took it.

you know how i know yuor gay?






you arent having sex w/ women anymore.

The problem is people hold no real value in sex anymore. The only value it holds to so many is just to get some, not the meaning or connection or RESPONSIBILITY.

When i have sex with someone i want it to mean something, not just about getting off. Thats what internet porn is for.

We got some guys ahead of the curve here.

We got some women here.



corrected

corrected



Are you calling me a woman?

If so why?

if she will break up over you wanting to be safe and do stuff other than full on sex....there is a problem and you dont really have love bro.

Love isnt sex.

Sex's a part of love, but not the most important part.

Totally agree. Some of the guys i used to hang out with were like that. They would screw any girl, anytime, and would do anything to get it. Honestly pathetic. One of them has a kid already and still does that kinda shit. One night he tried to tell ME that i had no morals because im 3 yrs older than my gf. Sorry but ill date anyone any age over having a kid at 21. When i have sex with someone i want it to mean something, not just about getting off. Thats what internet porn is for.

Im so with you

nahh she wont leave you for that..you said you were both in love..so she shoudlnt leave you..anwyayz youre allowed to have your opinion on this and she does too. its just that both your opinions are..diffrent, just explain to her that 18 might me a little young...you guys have eternity to be together, shes maybe curious about hows life with kids..maybe you should show her how it is..make her take care of a baby (maybe a relative has a baby that you gusy can babysit) show her the ups and downs..she might change her mind about it.

Sex is important in a relationship but to forgoe it is not the end of the world unless... you're married for a substantial number of years and all of a sudden a situation happens like what my wife went through. Her ex-husband found Jesus and stopped having sex with her for 5 years. Well, she got tired of it and now she's with me and is much happier...

Her ex-husband found Jesus and stopped having sex with her for 5 years.

I guess Charlie Church decided his arm needed a good workout...

I guess Charlie Church decided his arm needed a good workout...

Yeah, my wife busted him once when she saw a 1-900 number on the phone bill. LOL

Well, my wife had occupied herself in other ways, mainly eating and gaining weight. Then when the divorce was coming together, she lost all the weight then met me and the rest is history.

Yeah, my wife busted him once when she saw a 1-900 number on the phone bill. LOL

:spit: :rofl: :spit:

Wow...that's just...wow....

Phone sex over the real thing? Never would have thunk it.

I hate your girlfriend.