My life is about to take a messed up turn...

Ok, some of you know me and some of you don't. I'm sorry for the randomness of this thread and I'm sorry for any language that may offend anyone but I need to do this. I have nobody around here anymore to talk to about this stuff and I honestly feel like I'm gonna spaz out... :frown:

I have had enough of the shit that goes on in my homelife. I've stayed here and endured it for as long as I can... All my friends tell me I'm stupid and that I don't realize how good I have it. What they don't know is that parents put up the biggest front in the world. Our family is so fake its not even funny... This morning was the last straw... This morning my dad woke me up at 8am to "shovel snow at the church." He stood there yelling at me to get up and get my ass moving... Keep in mind that church doesn't start till 10:30... I look outside and there is barely a dusting of snow but I go anyways. I get all the way there and as I get closer I see less and less snow. Get there, no fucking snow... I was pissed. So I came home and told him there was no snow there and I was going back to bed. He starts lecturing me about sleeping... He was complaining how he didn't get sleep so why do I need it. I was like, uh hello, I waited up till 3am for my little brother to get home so I could go to bed. Then he proceeds to tell me thats not his fault... When the hell did I say it was his fault? Anyways, I know he was in there snoring away not even knowing who was home for the night and who wasn't... So I told him fine I wouldn't wait up for my brother the next time. I come up to my room and the next thing I know I had my father in my face screaming at me. Because I'm 21 and I need to fucking grow up... Wanna know why he said it? Cause I'm not working 3+ jobs like he was at my age... I told him to calm down I'm trying to get a better job and then he starts choking me and shaking me... I'm like WTF get off me! He's sittin there screaming at me tell me that I'm not trying and that I fuckin wasted my time and money in college and that I'm gonna throw it all away. The reason, because I can't find a job anywhere around here and all the jobs elsewhere require either 2 years of experience or a bachelors degree... All I have is an associates degree and no experience. ITT fucking Tech is the worst school ever. DO NOT ever waste your money on those bastards. They said career services will help you to find a job and they do individual searchs for those who excel in their class blah blah blah... Went they asked me where I was willing to go when I gradauted I told them anywhere in the US... They looked at me kind of wierd but said ok. Wanna know what I've gotten since September? 1 damn phonecall for a job that wasn't even in my field... I got in contact with EVERYBODY that I graduated with, nobody has gotten a job yet. So this big old 'fuck you' goes out to ITT Tech and all its cock suckin employees that helped bend me over! But anyways, due to that I'm forced to work half assed jobs that barely pay my bills while living at home. Also the very reason I haven't moved out yet... Anyways, I finally get him off me and he stands there and keeps screaming about mindless bullshit. I'm like holy shit chill out... He storms out of my room and comes back and throws the paper at me and he told me to get a real job... I'm like wtf, he so just contradicted himself. First he is telling me that I wasted my time in college and blah blah blah and then he turns around and throws the paper at me which contains the shit jobs. (No offense to anyone working a shit job, ya gotta do what ya gotta do to survive.) So he starts yelling, AGAIN, and I get up and start grabbing my car keys and stuff and he jumps my ass about where I thought I was going like I was 16 again or something... I told him I was going outside to get the (imaginary) "snow" off my car... He just walked away from me then... I can't take it anymore though guys... He crossed the line when he started choking me... I am at this very moment trying to decide what things to pack up in my car and leave. The dilema, I am broke as fuck. I have like 130 dollars in my wallet and only a few hundred in the bank. I definetly can't move out on that... So, as much as I hate to, it looks like I have to sell all my shit to get out of here... Thoughts? Opinions? I would really love to hear them... :frown:

not sure where your located but you could try applying to internships at a company called ppl. I work there it's in allentown, PA but... internship pay starts around 15 an hour. They hire to see experience. It's all IT work, and mostly not related to the degree you carry. Most of the experience you need is taught on job. Paid holiday's no other benefits as an intern though but good place none the less. It's a great job with a very stable company.

There is also a consulting company that hires people all over the place called accenture. They hire you and place you in the area you live or will relocate you. They pay really well supposedly and it's not to bad to work for.

And i'm sure this goes for not just me but everyone else here too if we can help you in any way just ask.


with the itt tech "degree" (is it a certificate or an associates?) you might be better off trying internships. That way they realize with your schooling your still well set to work in the corporate enviornment.

is that yur real dad ? chocking and beating is not a rite thing to do, do you have a closer friend r any relate to move into ? good luck man.

I went to a tech college & couldn't find a job afterwords. Started sling'n pussy at the local Black Angus, untill I realised I hated my job 9 months later. If you have any personality and the ability to talk to anyone about anything; try selling cars! Worked great for me. It's amazing just how little you really work, how much $$ you make, and how much fun it is. I've been doing it for 4 years now.. Started off at 21, almost exactly in the same situation as you, without my old man trying to kill me, but with a 3 year old little girls & a EX from hell.. So, yeah, I know what drama feels like...

This is about the perfect time to get a job in the car business. Its the end of Winter, going into spring.. Things are begining to pick up; You get a Demo, $2500-$3000 garentee for the first 3 months while they train you.. It's just mentaly chananging. That fist time your Sales manager hands you $1000 cash of a weekend spiff + $350 bonus for a 3 car weekend + $500 to $2000 for the commision on the cars you you just sold.. You'll thank me!

I'm sorry for the way that your dads treating you, I'm not sure what you can do about it but just start saving your pennys man and move out. I use to have a step mom that I now call my evil ex step mother, she was like a puppetier, she got off on controlling people. If she didn't have control then she would do everything in here power to have it. My dad use to be an over the road truck driver and we had here as a step mother from when I was 12 till I was 16 and it was hell. I haven't spoke to her in over 2 years and NEVER plan on talking to her, I think if I was to talk to her I would kill her. She even fucked my dad over, she forged his name on a loan for $7000 and never told him about it and now he has to pay on it until it's paid off. We use to live in a house that was quite expensive, and we weren't rich but she wanted the house and she talked my dad into getting the loan well since my dad was an over the road truck driver she would be the one to write the checks to pay the bills. Well guess what she never paid the mortgage. So we lost the house the same year we got it and my dads credit was fucked. The irony of the whole thing is that my dad made more that year then he ever did yet we lost the house? She was so wasteful and you know when she left, she bought a new Trailer and is still living there to this day, she bought it with some of the loan and with money that she was putting away in a savings account my dad didn't know about. Stupid bitch.:disappoin

I drop out college to take nail school, I saw my little girl grow up every day, it mean I need to support her more, and Im only 20, life getting harder when u have kid and yur ex wanted your money.

Not cool, time to bail. Get out and don't deal with the shit.

I don't know much about ITT or what you're qualified for, so I can't help you much there. My best advice is to get qualified in an area that has need, where they'll search you out rather than the other way around. Nursing and some other historically chick jobs are good for that. For now I'd take one of those shit jobs you're dissing or be an intern. Also peep Forbes' 100 best companies to work for.

I know this is heretical to say on the ETL forum, but don't put money into your car for the moment. Priorities need to be set. Good luck.

kids add a completely diffrent emotional priority into your life..

kids add a completely diffrent emotional priority into your life..

Yes they do!!! My daughter will be 8 March 1st!!! :cheers:

My oldest daughter turned 8 on the 15th of Fubuary & my youngest will be 7 on July 21st.

Yeah I'm definetly not putting anymore money into the Talon... I'm gonna finish putting the things together that I do have for it so it'll run and drive it for a while... I hate the thought of selling if when I have so many plans for it. Its just not reliable though and thats the only thing I hate about these cars... Right now I am waiting to hear back from the Hospital. I went for an interview last week making 10 bucks an hour to sweep, mop, and buff floors... Oh well, not a dream job but its a lot better than minimum wage flipping burgers or something. There is no way I could sell cars though, I'm just not social enough around people I don't know. If it wasn't for that I could do a lot of things... Oh and yes he is my real father... I'm the spitting image of him and I hate it. I will never treat my kids the way he treats us. He puts up this wonderful front and has everyone within a 50 miles radius fooled. Everyone thinks we're just the most perfect happy little family and we are so far from that... I mean, he has done well in his life and has more than enough money to buy whatever he wants and he has worked hard for it all. I'm glad to see he went from nothing to what he is now, but he should have put a little more thought into raising kids. He was always there for us financially and as a person to call dad, but he was never really there for us if you know what I mean... Like, physically, mentally... I donno... He just isn't the type of person I ever want to become.

I was talking to my girlfriend though and her mom just bought a new house and said she would rent the old house to us for 400 a month and we get to keep a ton of her old furniture... I'm really considering going that route because I know between me and my girlfriend we could come up with 400 a month with no problem at all. I pretty much have everything I need to move out except for the current cash to pay for my tranny and put the car back together... It sucks... I've grown so attached to that car too...

Man I feel like such a loser right now... :(

my life just got fucked up too man,my girlfriend was living here while going to school at harvard she is new to the country cuz she is from brazil the first year i helped her with everything rides everywhere many things 2 years we are together we had many futer plans but the other night i come home no fight or anything and she tells me she dont love me no more and was leaving the next day that was saturday.i was with her for 2 years now im kinda lost she wont explain or answer my calls or nothing.my life just went wham! now i dont know what to do,thanks for reading later

Yeah I'm definetly not putting anymore money into the Talon... I'm gonna finish putting the things together that I do have for it so it'll run and drive it for a while... I hate the thought of selling if when I have so many plans for it. Its just not reliable though and thats the only thing I hate about these cars... Right now I am waiting to hear back from the Hospital. I went for an interview last week making 10 bucks an hour to sweep, mop, and buff floors... Oh well, not a dream job but its a lot better than minimum wage flipping burgers or something. There is no way I could sell cars though, I'm just not social enough around people I don't know. If it wasn't for that I could do a lot of things... Oh and yes he is my real father... I'm the spitting image of him and I hate it. I will never treat my kids the way he treats us. He puts up this wonderful front and has everyone within a 50 miles radius fooled. Everyone thinks we're just the most perfect happy little family and we are so far from that... I mean, he has done well in his life and has more than enough money to buy whatever he wants and he has worked hard for it all. I'm glad to see he went from nothing to what he is now, but he should have put a little more thought into raising kids. He was always there for us financially and as a person to call dad, but he was never really there for us if you know what I mean... Like, physically, mentally... I donno... He just isn't the type of person I ever want to become.

I was talking to my girlfriend though and her mom just bought a new house and said she would rent the old house to us for 400 a month and we get to keep a ton of her old furniture... I'm really considering going that route because I know between me and my girlfriend we could come up with 400 a month with no problem at all. I pretty much have everything I need to move out except for the current cash to pay for my tranny and put the car back together... It sucks... I've grown so attached to that car too...

Man I feel like such a loser right now... :(



That sounds like a wise idea. I moved out of my fathers house at 17 and never looked back.

You can move in with your girlfriend and give it a try. It's hard at first but once you adjust it's not bad at all.

Or if you ever need, there's always a place in San Diego for you to stay!


my life just got fucked up too man,my girlfriend was living here while going to school at harvard she is new to the country cuz she is from brazil the first year i helped her with everything rides everywhere many things 2 years we are together we had many futer plans but the other night i come home no fight or anything and she tells me she dont love me no more and was leaving the next day that was saturday.i was with her for 2 years now im kinda lost she wont explain or answer my calls or nothing.my life just went wham! now i dont know what to do,thanks for reading later

Ahh man, you can only do one thing. Just move on and continue with you life.

Things like this happened. And it's unfortunate but I would just keep on keepin on.

Calm down fella. Play the game man. Stay, pretend to be exactly what the guy wants you to be, save your money and then go. You can save so much money so much faster when you live at home with no bills. He will regret treating you like that later on....or hit him with a fucking brick next time he lays hands on you. Don't kill him or anything, but let him know you were there. Lots of guys go through the whole alpha male crap with their dad, you can deal with it like an adult and save your relationship with your father, or you can waylay his ass while he is sleeping and you guys can be really disfunctional for the rest of your lives.

Well, I would say move in with a friend to split rent or something. I move out when I was 17 with about 500$ in my account working around 30 hours a week + school and Ive managed to save around 2500 to this day. Just budget as best as you can and youll be ok.

thing is im not ugly im avarege if that but she was beautiful and i will never meet someone like that ever again,i know i have to move on but 2 years is a long time for me,its hard the first couple days your right but man,i learned some portuguese i went to brazil and met her family now that brazilian part of my life is gone.but i will move on soon enough cuz if she really loved me she will be back and im good knowing that.i need to move out also i will look for roomates in boston here and see what i can do,later guys

You can always move down here Brian :grinyes: . im sorry man i know exactly what u mean when i was 14 my dad hit me and told me he hated me and wished i was never born....but i gota over it and me and my dad are really close now....

My best advice is to stand up to your dad. You are 21 years old. Maybe all he needs is to see that you are a man now and by standing up to him you will show him that. The more fear you show the more he will see you as immature and weak and that will piss him even more. I am about your age, a little older but still, if my dad ever tried to grab me violently or especially choke me, I would defintely show him I am not a kid anymore and these things don't work anymore. You have to earn the respect, not wait for it and run away. Show him you are sick of it and you are who you are and that's it. You can't just sit and watch him and say "WTF" like you are scared. Unless you are 5 feet tall and weigh 100 pounds I don't see why you can't stand up to someone who is grabbing you to choke you. You are 21, officially a man. Worst case, he will say 'move out of my house' but you are already working on that so what do you have to lose?

Yeah, I am like 5'9" and I only weigh like 125lbs... No way I could win a fight. lol

You don't necessarily have to fist fight with him but don't just stand there and take his shit, if you are sick of his shit this much to share it with all of us then when you are face to face with him, don't be affraid to stand your ground. He may be able to beat your ass but he might respect you for your courage or your willing to defend yourself. Also if you really wanna piss him off more laugh at him...not such a good idea but hey what I say is just text anyways. Good Luck dude.

Damn man. Is your dad bigger than you? Stronger. I would just stand and look him in the face as hes giving you shit and if he touches you, lay him out. I wouldnt put up with that shit, especially from someone that supposed to care for me. I can see that staying at home would be cheaper, but shit, I would go with the girl friend. Good luck man.

PS, I would buy an old ass Honda or something and park the DSM ;).

i would say look for a job at a warehouse or something like that. Where i work starting pay is 15 an hour and you arfe gaurenteed to be at around 20 and hr a year and a half after starting as long as you perform to standards. It aint great but it beats 10 bux to sweep and mop, and y9ou dont really need any expierence. About moving out with your girl just remember that the rent might only be 400 a month but you still got phone electric gas sewer, water garbage pick up food insurance and alot of other things that drive the cost up real quick so take that into account before you make a decision. Oh and if i were you i'd stnad up to your old man if he's actually gonna get physical. granted i evetually got bigger than my dad I remeber the first time he realized he could no longer hurt me more than i could hurt him physially he handled disipline and treated me and my brothers alot differently. and its even more different now that i have lived on my own for almost three years. i wouldnt go out of my way to ruin the relationship though, you never know when you might want it back. I know my dad and I are like best friends practically and do tons together, and wouldn't want to miss out on that.

Damn, I feel ya man. I'm not in that bad of a situation but, I live with my mom and step dad. My step dad likes to feel improtant alot so he will yell at me for stupid random stuff. I am 18 and he will yell at me if I dont have a shower by 11pm on weekdays. I really think he just wants to feel important and in control. For about 14-15 years I have sucked it up. "Yes sir, Sorry sir." I would just suck it up and say sorry or w/e I had to say. Don't get me wrong he can be a nice guy sometimes but, most the time he is a dick. The other day when he yelled at me because my girlfriend fell while walking up the stairs(lmao) he comes to the stairs and goes "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Me not really thinking says "Nothing... don't worry about it." Apparently this isn't what he wanted to hear so he starts bitching. I tell him that he needs to grow up and walk away. Later in the day he tells me that if I ever talk to him again like that he will rip me right out of my shoes. I just smile at him and say "Yeah way to be mature!" I'm really getting fed up with this whole alpha male and all. Luckily my mom is behind me all the way and said if he keeps being a dick she will take care of it. I know blah blah blah. But, thats my life story. I've been through some shit in my short life time so far. A few things including a kidney stone at 14 and my dad dieing when I was only 16. But, after all this you know what? I sit here knowing that I love how my life is and wouldn't change a thing. I am also a Christian and after turning my life over I am truely living life but, I will not go on preaching haha. Basically, life has its hard spots... you have to go with the flow and know that things will get better. Just hang on man and keep it together, something will turn up.

I'm 20. Due to "recent events" I got to be home at 12:30. These recent events consist of sending a text message when I was at my grannys house for christmas, and then going out 4 nights in a row. I respect a curfew, it was always at like 2:30 or something before.

There's been a couple times when they tell me to come home early, and I've come home and 11, and have gotten yelled at for not being early enough. They never say what time, so I figure 11 is early enough. They're stupid.

I've been trying to move out with my g/f. It costs alot to live on your own and that's why I've been trying to find some better jobs. Granted I do make more than my brother, who's 24 and still living at home, but I need more. I can't stand my parents at times. They hate how I spend all my time with my g/f, but then complain when I don't have one. They also complain that they don't know her, but won't take the time to get to know her.

We all have our problems with our family. Some worse than others, but you deal with it or move on.

Its just real shitty... My dad is trying to run my life the way he wants it to be or something. He thinks because he has been working since he was 8 or whatever that I need to do the same thing... Apparently if you don't make a ton of money they you are a failure at life from the way he presents it to me. He doesn't understand that I don't need so much money that I can buy anything. As long as I have the necessities and am not on my deathbed I will be perfectly happy. I know everyone has rough spots in their lives but geez this one was just horrible and its not getting any better. Tonight he made me eat dinner with the family even though I wasn't hungry and while we were sitting there my mom asked me how my nap was. (I fell asleep on my floor because I only got like 3 hours of sleep last night.) Dad completely flips out yelling at me for falling asleep. He said "If I knew you were up there asleep I would woke your ass up and made you do work." I told him I was tired because I didn't sleep good last night. "I don't care, if I don't get to take a nap then you shouldn't either." I'm like wtf is this shit? How can he even justify that shit? If he don't sleep then neither do I? Ok, way to be dad of the fucking year... :disappoin

Why do people get off on power trips like that? Its so fucking stupid... I swear I will never do the same shit to my kids when I have them.

I told you before and I am telling you again, STAND UP TO HIM AND BE A 21 YEAR OLD MAN! He will treat you like a child until you show him you are a man and deserve to be treated like a man. It's pointless to even talk about this if you are not ready to do something about it and just complain here to us but at the same time answer to him with "I am sorry sir, I was just tired, I am extremely sorry, please don't yell at me again". This doesn't work obviously and if I had a 21 year old son who couldn't stand on his ground I would be forced to toughen him up. You do what you gotta do. Show him who you are and if you really are a man. So many people have the same problem and it's only up to you what you want to do and how you want to handle it. You just have to make some changes if you don't want things to keep going this way. I don't think there is a point to this thread continuing until you actually do something about this yourself. We can't solve your problems. Many people here have already told you to stand up and you are yet again complaining how he is forcing you to eat when you are not hungry. He might as well put a leash on you and you will obey him like a dog. Are you 21 or 10 years old? Do what a 21 year old MAN would do.

look man chill the fuck out......hes here for advice not demands.

edit- i re-read what u said. and you know what YOU need to grow the fuck up. how the fuck are u gana sit here and tell him hes not a man because he don't wana stand up to his dad. its his fucking choice to do what he wonts. like everyone on here has agreed before we are like a family on here and mabey he wonted to share his fucking problems with us

look man chill the fuck out......hes here for advice not demands.

Well obviously advices don't work here. I am just trying to make a point here. It takes more than complaining on a message board to make a major difference in life. We all gave an advice and obviously that doesnt' work. Well it's not my life so all I can do is give you my point of view. If you want to be treated like that keep doing what you have been doing until now. If you want to make a difference you can either move out or just MAKE it happen. It's up to you.

well mabey if your not gana give good advice, or mabey even something that will make him feel better. then stay out of it, keep your mouth SHUT if you don't have something good to say!!!!!!!!

Dude... GSTNewb, your a fuck... Sorry we can't all be a badass like you and stand up to him my punching him or whatever the fuck you think I should do. I'm sure that would truly fuck me over even worse as it is wintertime and I'm broke as fuck and I don't need kicked out of here immediately. You think I'm just sittin here complaining and not doing anything? Maybe you should get your ass over here and live in my fucking shoes for a day. Maybe then you would see why I don't punch him or stand up to him and tell him to fuck off or whatever. I think you truly do not understand how fucking scary it is when your life could be ended at any moment for no reason at all. Seriously... I don't wanna hear shit from a badass who has no idea what he is talking about.

Hey, i am just giving you my advice. If the current situation suites you then no one is forcing you to do anything. I just don't see the point of this whole thing, that's all. I am not telling you to fight him physically. Try to get to him emotionally. When he gets mean with you throw in something deep that might get to his heart such as "what the hell did I ever do you to you? It's not my fault I was born and if your goal is to make me feel sorry I was born every day you are doing a really good job.". That's what I am talking about mostly. Don't just sit there and not make him think about his actions. Just try to act like you are not happy with your life and make him see that you are on the edge. If he is still not getting it just throw in something like "maybe you will be happier if I am not around anymore and I can do something about that". Try to sound cuicidal if you will, whatever it gets him to think about what he is doing to you. If you can't do this I don't know what else I can tell you. It will take some actions to make him change. Sorry if I offended you, just try to understand that these things are not easy and require a lot of guts but once you do it you will really feel like a man. I have been in your shoes and that's why I am so passionate about this. My father has beaten me with a hammer on my hands when I was 10. How about that?? Should I keep going with other "nice" experiences I have been through with my father? I know what I am talking about. It's up to you what you want to do.

I told you before and I am telling you again, STAND UP TO HIM AND BE A 21 YEAR OLD MAN! He will treat you like a child until you show him you are a man and deserve to be treated like a man. It's pointless to even talk about this if you are not ready to do something about it and just complain here to us but at the same time answer to him with "I am sorry sir, I was just tired, I am extremely sorry, please don't yell at me again". This doesn't work obviously and if I had a 21 year old son who couldn't stand on his ground I would be forced to toughen him up. You do what you gotta do. Show him who you are and if you really are a man. So many people have the same problem and it's only up to you what you want to do and how you want to handle it. You just have to make some changes if you don't want things to keep going this way. I don't think there is a point to this thread continuing until you actually do something about this yourself. We can't solve your problems. Many people here have already told you to stand up and you are yet again complaining how he is forcing you to eat when you are not hungry. He might as well put a leash on you and you will obey him like a dog. Are you 21 or 10 years old? Do what a 21 year old MAN would do.


that dont sound like you know what your talking about sounds like ur trying to say try to beat his ass that will show him. when thats teh last fucking thing you need to do in a situation like this. how would u like to be kicked out of your house with no money an nowhere to go????? doesnt sound to fuckin good does it.

How about I have been doing the unhappy bullshit for the last mmmm 20 years? Yeah... He don't give a shit if I'm happy or not... He just has uncontrolable rage that I don't care to see anymore.

Oh yeah, and the whole point to this thread is so I can get good advice so I DON'T do something stupid. Maybe if you had been around a little longer before jumping in here saying there is no point to this you would see that we often have threads concerning our personal lives. To you it might not have a point, but once your around long enough you will see that this is a place that we can always turn to for advice and support no matter the situation... I get better support here than I do from my parents... Thats it though, I'm not gonna sit here and argue with YOU about the purpose of this thread. I know its purpose, and everyone who has been in my exact shoes knows its purpose... Its one of the few things I have left to turn to...

Ok. I respect that. I wish you good luck with your life and hopefully everything changes for the better.

Thank you for understanding...

I graduated with a bachelors degree. I couldn't find anything for over a year. I was living in Cleveland then. Ohio job market sucks. You have to move else where. Start applying for jobs in your field else where. also try OUTSIDE your feild.

I have a bachleors in Graphic Design. But i'm a very high up manager at a Grocery store. Did i waste my degree? I got hired because i had A degree, it didn't matter what it was. I had experince as a grocery clerk and moved up.

I moved to Erie, PA because the cost of living is a LOT less than where i was in cleveland. I split $400 rent with my girl. and its a very nice 2 bedroom duplex. very very cheap to live here.

my point is don't just limit youself to any jobm apply to everything. I was 21 living at home just like you! and i got out. i was working as a grocery clerk for $8/hr in cleveland. i started applying in Erie. i got a job offer for $25k as a low level manager of a grocery store. i got the job after looking in Erie for like 2 months. I've been there 2 years now and make double what i used to.

A lot of my friends say "i wasted my degree" then i tell them how much i make and they shit their pants. My father gave me tons of shit when i was at home. he always made a ton of money. Now i make more. and my cost of living is nothing.

a key is spliting rent, in a cheaper area. not having any debt, and keeping your head up. don't listen to peoples shit. when i was at home, all i got was "have you found a job yet?"

keep your head up. try to get into anything associated with your major for some experience. lie on your resume if you have to, hell i did it all the time.. lol

Yeah, I am like 5'9" and I only weigh like 125lbs... No way I could win a fight. lol

you're not a child anymore. if you touches you, its assult. pure and simple

Well guys, him and I just got into it about an hour ago and this time I just got pushed around a bit and then I finally got him away from me and I started screaming in his face. It was quite interesting I made it loud and clear how fucked up it was that he was treating me like this. I told him that I'm not him and I'm never gonna be, I'm my own person. We got into a little bit of a screaming match and then he gave me the good ol' I was raised just like this. I asked him if he hated it when that happened to him and he kind of looked shocked and then he was like no, thats just how life was. I told him if he had been through the same thing then he would understand how scared I was and how much it was fucking up my life... He kind of calmed down then and I could see the wheels turning and thats when it hit him. I told him whenever I have kids I'll never do this type of shit to them... So, now I'm wondering if this is something that is genetically or mentally passed through the generations? Cause if he dad did the same to him and he is doing the same to me, how many generations has it been happening? So now I'm scared that I'm gonna end up doing it to my own kids someday even though I say I won't... I'm very strong in my thought process all the time, but could it overcome my own mind when the time comes?... Anyways, he actually calmed down and sat there and everything was spilled out this morning for the last hour... I threw out there all the point like, its my life not his let me do my own things, don't get in my face like i'm 10, don't completely spaz out over stupid shit like that. All those good things... I think it worked though... For the moment at least... Hopefully it made him realize how much abuse this was to my mentallity too...

**EDIT**
It felt good to put him in his place finally, but despite everything he's done to me I still feel bad for how much I hurt him when I made him realize how bad he was treating me. He actually said he was sorry that he wasn't a good father... When he said that it hit me kinda hard and then I felt like shit...

There's a lot of good advice in this thread. That's cool.

Questioning if we're doomed/blessed to follow our parents footsteps is something we all do sooner or later. I've promised myself I won't fall in their footsteps, but also vowed to continue with my kids what they did right. They're neither all bad nor all good. Being a crap parent probably isn't genetic, but it certainly is passed down from generation to generation. Abuse victims often question whether or not it's ethical or wise for them to have kids for this reason. It's hard to break the cycle. Personally, my dad was a little too violent, and I know I've been in more fights than the average person. Tough stuff to think about. Good luck.

Notes:
I agree that standing up for yourself was necessary. Don't say things to be spiteful, but don't take no shit neither. Not just as a son, but as a human being, you have the right to be heard.

I thought I had it rough growing up. Then I found out my ex-gf was raped by her parents over a period of years. Someone always has it worse, but everyone has some. It's not how big the issues are but whether or not they're addressed IMO. Reconcilling years down the road, if not tomorrow ;), isn't all that uncommon. In my case, moving out was one of the best choices I've ever made, and I don't mind having a hard time making bills meet.

You're assuming your gf will pay half if you move in together, but women and men don't operate under the same logic. That's another growing up too fast experience that I wasn't ready for then, and I'm still not ready for.

I'm a fan of religion, too.

Good luck with whatever you do, homie.

Well guys, him and I just got into it about an hour ago and this time I just got pushed around a bit and then I finally got him away from me and I started screaming in his face. It was quite interesting I made it loud and clear how fucked up it was that he was treating me like this. I told him that I'm not him and I'm never gonna be, I'm my own person. We got into a little bit of a screaming match and then he gave me the good ol' I was raised just like this. I asked him if he hated it when that happened to him and he kind of looked shocked and then he was like no, thats just how life was. I told him if he had been through the same thing then he would understand how scared I was and how much it was fucking up my life... He kind of calmed down then and I could see the wheels turning and thats when it hit him. I told him whenever I have kids I'll never do this type of shit to them... So, now I'm wondering if this is something that is genetically or mentally passed through the generations? Cause if he dad did the same to him and he is doing the same to me, how many generations has it been happening? So now I'm scared that I'm gonna end up doing it to my own kids someday even though I say I won't... I'm very strong in my thought process all the time, but could it overcome my own mind when the time comes?... Anyways, he actually calmed down and sat there and everything was spilled out this morning for the last hour... I threw out there all the point like, its my life not his let me do my own things, don't get in my face like i'm 10, don't completely spaz out over stupid shit like that. All those good things... I think it worked though... For the moment at least... Hopefully it made him realize how much abuse this was to my mentallity too...

**EDIT**
It felt good to put him in his place finally, but despite everything he's done to me I still feel bad for how much I hurt him when I made him realize how bad he was treating me. He actually said he was sorry that he wasn't a good father... When he said that it hit me kinda hard and then I felt like shit...

This is exactly what I was talking about and I am glad you did it. Don't feel bad. You shouldn't feel bad about trying to have a better life and be treated nicely by your own father. Everything will go away. He is a grown man and grown men usually think about these things more than you can imagine. I really believe everything will be better from now on. Good job.

I understand how you feel. That is basically what I was trying to say in my earlier post. My step dad treats me like his slave mostly. I have to obey his rules or I get a good yelling and told how I need to follow rules that is why they are made. Also he constantly tells me how I dont pay for any bills so it is because of him that I am able to live here. Well after my father died I started recieving social security. I recieve about 800 dollars every month because my father(care giver) died. The funny thing is... I have to sign the check then give it to my mother, who cashes it, gives me 100, and puts the rest towards bills. So one day after he yells at me for having a light on when it apparently wasn't needed he tells me that I need to stop wasting electricity because I don't pay for it. So I replied with, "The hell I don't pay for it! Where does the extra 700 dollars go that I don't get!" Needless to say I don't get the "you dont contribute to the family" speach any more.

I also believe that standing up for youself is very important. Not necisarily by fighting but, by telling him how you feel or making him see what it does to you. I had the same situation, I asked him if his dad treated him this way and he said " Yes he did, and I followed his rules. You will follow my rules until you move out!" I think he is just taking his anger from his dad out on me. I recently started standing up against him and showing him that he is being immature and picking screaming fights over the smallest and most dumb things he can.

Good job for standing up for yourself. I hope everything works out for you.

EDIT* Btw I know how you feel about the physical thing. I myself am only 5'6'' 140. Needless to say my step dad is a bit bigger.

Yeah, after that whole thing this morning I was like drained from it. I'm not sure if it was the result of the adrenaline rush I had during it all or what. But I passed the fuck out until 1 30pm then. Wow, I woke up and at first it seemed like it all had been a dream but then I got on here and saw my post and was like sweet it really did happen. So I went downstairs and everything was so unbelievably different. A good different, and it was like that the whole time I was home and the I went and worked on my friends car until like 7pm and I came home and everything was still sweet. My dad and I talked like it didn't even happen and he seemed to be a lot different towards me... All in all, I was a lot happier than I had been in a long time. The whole thing came up about how I never do anything without being asked this morning and I donno but I did a few things I normally wouldn't do without being told to. I took out the garbage and did the dishes and nobody even saw me do it and I bet they are all puzzled as hell as to who did them. I wouldn't mind if things stayed this way. It was so sweet... With that, I'm celebrating by going to bed in a good mood. lol

I am so happy for you. I know the feeling and I am glad you are experiencing it. I told you things would get better if you did this, didn't I :) I am glad to hear everything is going so great. Put your effort in making things go smooth by doing things without being asked, show that you are a responsible person and that you indeed were treated wrong and didn't deserve it all this time. This will only make things better. I wish you good luck and hopefully things will only keep getting better.

It's really good to hear it all worked out. Maybe he just didn't see it your way and you made him realize how much it sucked. I doubt you will treat your kids that way especially because you are aware that it's not right. Before you said anything to your dad he thought "thats how things go, you have to harass your kids and make them feel bad" hopefully now he realizes things can (and should) be different.
BTW shouldn't this be moved to "Problem Diagnosis"? :wink: