Thought it was funny
MasterChief1724
02-22-2006, 01:07 AM
I just got this from a friend. Don't know if any of it is a repost.
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
11. Only in America......can u be born a poor blak man and grow up to be a rich white woman.
EVER WONDER????
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? ( I've ALWAYS wondered this lol )
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? ( ok Yeah I just thought about this, And I thought I was afraid of flying before LOL )
~~~~
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your
hands or genitals."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
11. Only in America......can u be born a poor blak man and grow up to be a rich white woman.
EVER WONDER????
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? ( I've ALWAYS wondered this lol )
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? ( ok Yeah I just thought about this, And I thought I was afraid of flying before LOL )
~~~~
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your
hands or genitals."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
clawhammer
02-22-2006, 01:10 AM
:repost:
imtheoneandonlyD
02-22-2006, 01:12 AM
:repost:
:iagree:
:iagree:
FlippiN.af
02-22-2006, 10:54 AM
Funny list. :lol: Hadn't seen it before.
ci5ic
02-22-2006, 11:39 AM
I thought it was funny too...
... 6 years ago. :p
... 6 years ago. :p
drewh4386
02-22-2006, 11:41 PM
They were all nice :lol:
:nono: back then :nono:
about 6,000 threads ago.
:nono: back then :nono:
about 6,000 threads ago.
GForce957
02-22-2006, 11:49 PM
wow, so you dont need a delorean to go back in time....
haha, just messin with you. A valiant effort sir! :thumbsup:
haha, just messin with you. A valiant effort sir! :thumbsup:
79Bandit
02-22-2006, 11:56 PM
welp i had a good laugh...that kid video scares the shit out of me...
79Bandit
02-22-2006, 11:58 PM
[QUOTE=drewh4386]They were all nice :lol:
hey sorry of topic but i am planning on going into the army reserves on my 18th birthday this year in october i am just asumming your boot camp has something to do with the army soo i hope to stay in touch and hear about it....
hey sorry of topic but i am planning on going into the army reserves on my 18th birthday this year in october i am just asumming your boot camp has something to do with the army soo i hope to stay in touch and hear about it....
Raz_Kaz
02-23-2006, 12:12 AM
HAHAHAH, I always laugh at the Swedish chainsaw.
Crazy fucking sweedes
Crazy fucking sweedes
D[X]P
02-23-2006, 12:49 AM
rofl
drewh4386
02-23-2006, 12:55 AM
No im going to where the thread starters name would be my boss until I earned a higher rank.
TerminalVelocity
02-23-2006, 01:44 AM
oh man, that was good stuff!
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