more jokes from Ragt20....:hehehe:

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to
get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of
my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from
blushing so much."

Well, the woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the
same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By
the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?" asked the pharmacist.

"YES!", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."

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From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand:
'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.'

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From The Times:
'A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster.
A coast-guard spokesman commented: -This sort of thing is all too common these days.

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From The Gloucester Citizen:
'A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards.
After dialing an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled Hear Me Moan the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house.
Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, He got what he deserved .'

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From The Guardian:
'After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist B*st*rds .
The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. *******s has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name.'

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From The Manchester Evening News:
'Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail ticket.'

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'Hackers, managed to break into the telephone system of Weight Watchers in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to Hello, you fat b*stard '

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From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:
'Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled For The Sick , is for monetary donations only.

[b]From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand:
'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.'


that wasn't u by any chance MR.T......remembers that Mr T has been on sick leave :rolleyes: :lol2:

Originally posted by ragt20

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From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:
'Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled For The Sick , is for monetary donations only.

The Panda thinks this was Mr T after the cake!!!

:hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe: :hehe: :hehehe:

Originally posted by ragt20



"No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."



"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."





oih my god those r soo funny man haha i was hiding in her garden lol
and i pushed up the bottom lol im kidding whoa nice jokes man

Hehehe. The tomatoes one was :eek:

:hehehe: :p :D

Very good...keep them coming !!! :p :p

The tomotoe one was good :p