Marriage

So a girl I know was just proposed to and became engaged. I asked her how her father felt (he does not like this boy) and she said her parents didn't know.

Now when I proposed to my ex-fiance Laura, the first thing I did before I even considered asking her was to ask her father's permission. What's wrong with the world today?

What would you do?

I said yes, but that depends. If you are on good terms with the father and there is no doubt he will say no then I would. However if you both of you feel that you should get married, and you are not on good terms with the father then I wouldn't. If you did not only would he be mad because he doesn't like you, but you also went against his wishes.

Why should I?

What if the father says "no you can't"? Do I back down because her father told me I couldn't? Do I back down even though I know it's the girl I want to be with, her father won't be living with us, and even though it is his daughter she can make her own decesions?

I don't have a girlfriend, don't know any girls I want to marry, or plan to get married soon. When I feel the time is right though I'm going to ask the girl. Last time I checked it's her I'm wanting to marry, not her father.

Honestly, i won't place a vote cuz i'm no where near eady to pop the question, so depending on the relationship i'm in, and how things work out, i dunno, i'll have to wait and see. I'd vote the latter, just ask the girl, but i mean, haven't been in a very serious relationship where i'd need to think about it, so no clue. it's an interesting thought, though.

around here you don't tell them cos if rednecks get pissed, they're fuckin crazy

yes,

it is classier, and her family will like you more.

if he says no, i would just try to ask why and then try to better myself.
-i will do something to prove myself.

also, ex-fiance?
what was it? you found out she worked for the chinese government and was sent to seduce, then spy on you. but then she found you charming and actually fell in love with you, and told you the truth after her guilt overwhelmed her as the wedding day approched. then, for your wellfare, she broke up with you and went into hiding to escape the chinese government - who is hunting her for treason.

is that right?

:p I did'nt, he didn't like me anyway. Then what do you know he got pissed because I didn't ask. Like she was his property. It doesn't matter after the first grandchild is born anyway. :2cents:

ex-fiance?
what was it? you found out she worked for the chinese government and was sent to seduce, then spy on you. but then she found you charming and actually fell in love with you, and told you the truth after her guilt overwhelmed her as the wedding day approched. then, for your wellfare, she broke up with you and went into hiding to escape the chinese government - who is hunting her for treason.

is that right?

No, not really. While I was at college she got back into drugs and whatnot and found another guy.

I'd rather not talk too much about it.

Of course I would. His answer would not change my final course of action, but if he likes me, he'll be pleased I held him in high enough esteem to consider his opinion, and if he doesn't like me, at least I've stood up to him rather than sneak behind his back.

Of course I would. His answer would not change my final course of action, but if he likes me, he'll be pleased I held him in high enough esteem to consider his opinion, and if he doesn't like me, at least I've stood up to him rather than sneak behind his back.


:1:

I voted yes ask the father first. Even if your on good terms.

You better ask your girl if she minds you treating her like a possession. That's who should make the call to ask dad or not. Better to offend the future father in law than to piss your wife to be off. If she wants you to ask, then ask. It is an archaic, degrading tradition. I have been happily married for almost nine years, and I think she appreciated me not asking her father for her hand first. The father should be asked second, if at all.

I do indeed plan to ask her father before I ask her. Might be askin him in the next 18 months...

Whether he says yes or not won't discourage me, because I'll ask her either way, but to know his sentiments would sit well with me. Basically I'll know whether to invite him to the wedding or not :lol2:.

I say yes. Even if the father/mother or both weren't fond of me. If they say no, you still ask the girl anyways. But I don't see how parents could tell me no:smokin:

i said no but i think id depends on some things: like how large a role her parents play in her life, do the parents like you, etc. ive moved alot, but during the time i have had 3 girlfriends. and all 3 were different. the first one i only met the parents in passing and they were more or less indiferent to me so i dunno there. the second the parents fucking hated my guts < (putting it lightly) so odds are no, there. but my last girlfriend her dad was like a second father to me, we worked on his camaro, i ran groceries with the mom, i was included in alot of things. < in that situation then yes, i would. when i hear about how my dad proposed it pissed me off real bad at my grandparents. so that also makes me a little shy towards it.

it's really close, I'm surprised really... I thought most people would still believe in asking the father. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it as a "property" thing... I'm just old fashioned I guess. I believe in the older traditions and have a hard time facing the ones that are just now forming.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it as a "property" thing... I'm just old fashioned I guess.

i agree. it has nothing to do with treating your future wife as property. it's about showing your respect towards her family, her father in paticular.
i'm a believer in the saying that when you marry the girl, you marry the family too. i grew up in a strong family environment, including extended family too. that's something that's really important to me. that i like her family and they like me as well as she liking my family and they liking her. that's not going to be a deciding factor mind you, just something that's high up on the list.

yup yup

Also, you have to keep in mind that in most cases, the father sacrificed one hell of a lot of time and money to bring her to you as she is now...

That alone deserves respect.

agreed

Also, you have to keep in mind that in most cases, the father sacrificed one hell of a lot of time and money to bring her to you as she is now...

That alone deserves respect.

good point

I persionally think that it is stupid, but it would have to depend on the girls parents

It kinda depends on circumstances, but generally speaking, yea...I'd ask or mention it or something like that. I've always been really close to my girlfriends' parents anyway...

Just a quick question to those who answered yes to asking the father. WOuld you do it before or after you asked your wife to be...and why?

I asked my ex-fiance's father first. I did it out of respect to him, her, and their family. Though I did state it as a question, it wasn't really asking for permission, but allowing him to know my true intent. She turned out to be thrilled that I asked him first, and her whole family (who loved me all ready) because that much closer to me because of it.

Well...you'd ask first...lol. If you ask after, what's the point? "Oh yea...I asked your daughter to marry me yesterday. That ok?" lol

its not up to her parents, its her life, she should live it

its not up to her parents, its her life, she should live it

It's just a matter of respect, man. Even if I asked, I would probably do it anyway...I'd at LEAST consider doing it anyway.

no, you dont get it, I wasn't pointing fingers at you or anyone else, I just mean in a relationship - ANY RELATIONSHIP - its not up to anyones parents.

are we cool?

a real man would ask the dad first...not that what he will say will change your mind, but it is a respect thing. and having a sort of tradition in the event works well in the stories you tell afterwards.

its a good thing. it doesn't mean you week if you don't, it doesn't mean you cool if you do or don't. either way--it is kind of a respect thing.

My father passed away before I was even dating my husband. He asked my mom though :) And she and all our friends saw the ring before I did...sneaky bastage :)

I didn't. I think my mother-in-law is an idiot.

lol...spoon user? wtf?

i'm surprised that more girls haven't posted on this thread. i'd like to hear more of their opinions.

lol...spoon user? wtf?

i'm not gonna lie, i use spoons too

Isn't there a commandment on this? Ask or thou shalt be castrated?

i didnt ask anyone. i didnt tell anyone, i knew what i was doing and didnt ask for anyones opinion. i just did it.

before her dad found out, he didnt like me all that much, but since we are getting married and can see that im providing for her, he likes me a lot. i knew my parents wouldnt care, my mom loves her and they get along soo well.

I didn't. I think my mother-in-law is an idiot.

:lol2:

Isn't there a commandment on this? Ask or thou shalt be castrated?

i like that.... not sure if it is a commandment. but if i had a daughter, ild like to be asked.

Yeah, maybe that's it... maybe I feel this way cuz I would like the courtesy returned to me.


But the way the generations below me are going, I don't think the kids of my future will have enough brains to get married in the first place.

But the way the generations below me are going, I don't think the kids of my future will have enough brains to get married in the first place.

:lol2: So true.

Everything seems to operate on a "what's the point" basis nowadays.

Well what was the point of leaving the cave and discovering our world? ;)

Well what was the point of leaving the cave and discovering our world? ;)


to find out that it sucks and there was no point :lol: