Monday Funnie's
"Pandamonium"
06-23-2002, 08:50 PM
1. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
2. What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity
3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 kilos.
4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
6. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are
disabled.
7. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them
for life.
8. Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
9. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
10. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
11. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
12. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
13. What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
14. Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.
15. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in sixth grade. Who
has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
16. How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
17. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
Her navel.
18. What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A Bingo Machine.
19. Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex too.
20. What three two-letter words mean small?
"Is It In?"
21. If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what
do you have?
Divorce proceedings most likely.
22. Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
23. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
A speech impediment.
24. What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?
Men miss them all.
25. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Curious made the Panda post these!!!
:D :p :D :p :D
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
2. What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity
3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 kilos.
4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
6. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are
disabled.
7. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them
for life.
8. Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
9. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
10. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
11. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
12. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
13. What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
14. Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.
15. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in sixth grade. Who
has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
16. How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
17. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
Her navel.
18. What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A Bingo Machine.
19. Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex too.
20. What three two-letter words mean small?
"Is It In?"
21. If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what
do you have?
Divorce proceedings most likely.
22. Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
23. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
A speech impediment.
24. What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?
Men miss them all.
25. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Curious made the Panda post these!!!
:D :p :D :p :D
darkness
06-23-2002, 09:00 PM
Originally posted by "Pandamonium"
19. Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex too.
[/SIZE]
:D :p :D :p :D
A none truer word has been spoken
but they were good:D
19. Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex too.
[/SIZE]
:D :p :D :p :D
A none truer word has been spoken
but they were good:D
Spec2 Girl
06-23-2002, 09:26 PM
Now where have I heard them before??? :hehehe: :p :D
s7v7n
06-23-2002, 09:26 PM
Wow....those pretty funny...
But...
It ain't Monday. It's still Sunday....AHHHHHHHHH! I have to work tomarrow.... :(
But...
It ain't Monday. It's still Sunday....AHHHHHHHHH! I have to work tomarrow.... :(
Spec2 Girl
06-23-2002, 09:31 PM
Originally posted by s7v7n
Wow....those pretty funny...
But...
It ain't Monday. It's still Sunday....AHHHHHHHHH! I have to work tomarrow.... :( Monday over here and don’t you hate that feeling on Sunday evening when you know you’ve got to get up for work in only a few hours. :(
Wow....those pretty funny...
But...
It ain't Monday. It's still Sunday....AHHHHHHHHH! I have to work tomarrow.... :( Monday over here and don’t you hate that feeling on Sunday evening when you know you’ve got to get up for work in only a few hours. :(
Ando_Rules
06-23-2002, 11:02 PM
HAHA lol those r sooo funny Panda
curious
06-23-2002, 11:13 PM
****Disclaimer*****
I did not make Panda post those jokes. I deny all knowledge of said jokes - someone else must have sent them while I was away from my PC.........
hmmm..heh he.....I wonder what else I can get Panda to do?
Sit, roll over etc
I did not make Panda post those jokes. I deny all knowledge of said jokes - someone else must have sent them while I was away from my PC.........
hmmm..heh he.....I wonder what else I can get Panda to do?
Sit, roll over etc
darkness
06-23-2002, 11:16 PM
Originally posted by curious
hmmm..heh he.....I wonder what else I can get Panda to do?
Sit, roll over etc
You would be the first:D
hmmm..heh he.....I wonder what else I can get Panda to do?
Sit, roll over etc
You would be the first:D
Spec2 Girl
06-23-2002, 11:30 PM
Originally posted by curious
****Disclaimer*****
I did not make Panda post those jokes. I deny all knowledge of said jokes - someone else must have sent them while I was away from my PC.........
hmmm..heh he.....I wonder what else I can get Panda to do?
Sit, roll over etc Well, well, well. Ms Curious makes an appearance! Welcome curious one! :D :wave:
****Disclaimer*****
I did not make Panda post those jokes. I deny all knowledge of said jokes - someone else must have sent them while I was away from my PC.........
hmmm..heh he.....I wonder what else I can get Panda to do?
Sit, roll over etc Well, well, well. Ms Curious makes an appearance! Welcome curious one! :D :wave:
taranaki
06-24-2002, 12:24 AM
Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
Well, well, well. Ms Curious makes an appearance! Welcome curious one! :D :wave:
Any friend of Spec2's is welcome here!!!!!Greetings!:D :D :D :D :D
pssst....Andy,introduce me to the lady!!!!
Well, well, well. Ms Curious makes an appearance! Welcome curious one! :D :wave:
Any friend of Spec2's is welcome here!!!!!Greetings!:D :D :D :D :D
pssst....Andy,introduce me to the lady!!!!
Spec2 Girl
06-24-2002, 12:28 AM
Originally posted by taranaki
Any friend of Spec2's is welcome here!!!!!Greetings!:D :D :D :D :D
pssst....Andy,introduce me to the lady!!!! She’s a bit shy, but if we're all really nice to her, she may come out of hiding again. :D
Any friend of Spec2's is welcome here!!!!!Greetings!:D :D :D :D :D
pssst....Andy,introduce me to the lady!!!! She’s a bit shy, but if we're all really nice to her, she may come out of hiding again. :D
"Pandamonium"
06-24-2002, 12:30 AM
Originally posted by taranaki
Any friend of Spec2's is welcome here!!!!!Greetings!:D :D :D :D :D
pssst....Andy,introduce me to the lady!!!!
She's a friend of the Panda's.
And yes I can introduce you to her. :D :p :D
The Panda know's she can be a bad, bad girl!!! :devil: :angel: :devil:
Any friend of Spec2's is welcome here!!!!!Greetings!:D :D :D :D :D
pssst....Andy,introduce me to the lady!!!!
She's a friend of the Panda's.
And yes I can introduce you to her. :D :p :D
The Panda know's she can be a bad, bad girl!!! :devil: :angel: :devil:
Spec2 Girl
06-24-2002, 12:37 AM
Originally posted by "Pandamonium"
She's a friend of the Panda's.
She's not going to own up to that. It would be too shameful! :p :D :hehehe:
She's a friend of the Panda's.
She's not going to own up to that. It would be too shameful! :p :D :hehehe:
darkness
06-24-2002, 12:52 AM
You two are going to scare her away if you keep talking like that.
taranaki
06-24-2002, 12:54 AM
Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
She's not going to own up to that. It would be too shameful! :p :D :hehehe:
The plot thickens:cool: ....Ilook forward to meeting The Panda's curious friend....promise I will be good!:angel:
She's not going to own up to that. It would be too shameful! :p :D :hehehe:
The plot thickens:cool: ....Ilook forward to meeting The Panda's curious friend....promise I will be good!:angel:
"Pandamonium"
06-24-2002, 12:59 AM
Originally posted by darkness
You two are going to scare her away if you keep talking like that.
Ms Curious is tough. It'll take more then Spec2 to scare her off.
The Panda know's she can be a bad, bad girl!!! :devil: :angel: :evillaugh
You two are going to scare her away if you keep talking like that.
Ms Curious is tough. It'll take more then Spec2 to scare her off.
The Panda know's she can be a bad, bad girl!!! :devil: :angel: :evillaugh
tazdev
06-24-2002, 03:39 AM
Welcome Ms. Curious:wave:
The more Kiwis round here the better:D
The more Kiwis round here the better:D
Ssom
06-24-2002, 04:18 AM
Originally posted by tazdev
The more Kiwis round here the better:D
:silly2: :silly2: :silly2: :silly2: :silly2: More like the more Kiwi's around here the more backward-ness and confused Yanks :finger:
Welcome Ms Curious, I will try and work around the fact you are a friend of our furry friend, but no promises :finger:
The more Kiwis round here the better:D
:silly2: :silly2: :silly2: :silly2: :silly2: More like the more Kiwi's around here the more backward-ness and confused Yanks :finger:
Welcome Ms Curious, I will try and work around the fact you are a friend of our furry friend, but no promises :finger:
Nemesis
06-24-2002, 05:11 AM
Her's another:
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! You must have had one #### of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Struth! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife."
Antz
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! You must have had one #### of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Struth! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife."
Antz
Nemesis
06-24-2002, 05:12 AM
Nemesis
06-24-2002, 05:15 AM
Or this link here (http://www.winamp.com/news.jhtml;$sessionid$GRH3U0N0FGNWQ5YAAAARCZQ?arti cleid=9242)
Antz
Antz
ragt20
06-24-2002, 07:51 AM
The Panda is being funny :lol2: :hehe: nice
and welcome to your curious friend to :)
and welcome to your curious friend to :)
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