Searing Words of Update
DantesInferno
06-20-2002, 12:45 AM
After withholding information from an individual from my past for well over two months, he contacts me with the message, "Are you still alive?" After much deliberation and the attempt to put his message at the back of my mind, I replied, "Alive and well. How are you?"
He responds back with a short, summarized update on his life and love. And there is one sentence that seemed to sear my very core when I read it and it shouldn't, because I'm about to fly to Portland to meet my potential in-laws. Yes, there was an extremely strong attraction. And yes, months upon months ago he wanted me to stray from the relationship I was in, and I refused. And yes, there was a point when he would call me up just to say goodnight. He was my anchor in many senses. And then something happened and I turned him away, no longer wanting to play his games when he treated me horribly. No longer wanting to give him the opportunity to belittle me.
And now I'm in a perfectly wonderful relationship with a man who has expressed his intentions to marry me, who has an entire family who assaults him with questions about me as they are anxiously waiting to meet me, who wiped away every tear when we had to say goodbye when I moved back to California.
So why is the one sentence, "Kara and I are doing well" functioning like a knife?
Oh, bloody hell....:apuke:
He responds back with a short, summarized update on his life and love. And there is one sentence that seemed to sear my very core when I read it and it shouldn't, because I'm about to fly to Portland to meet my potential in-laws. Yes, there was an extremely strong attraction. And yes, months upon months ago he wanted me to stray from the relationship I was in, and I refused. And yes, there was a point when he would call me up just to say goodnight. He was my anchor in many senses. And then something happened and I turned him away, no longer wanting to play his games when he treated me horribly. No longer wanting to give him the opportunity to belittle me.
And now I'm in a perfectly wonderful relationship with a man who has expressed his intentions to marry me, who has an entire family who assaults him with questions about me as they are anxiously waiting to meet me, who wiped away every tear when we had to say goodbye when I moved back to California.
So why is the one sentence, "Kara and I are doing well" functioning like a knife?
Oh, bloody hell....:apuke:
Spec2 Girl
06-20-2002, 12:50 AM
Because part of you wants him to be miserable without you. You want him to feel crappy to make up for the way he treated you and made you feel. And hearing that he is doing fine without you and getting on with his life cuts you to the bone. It's a perfectly normal reaction. On some level we all want to think that our exes are crumbling without us.
speediva
06-20-2002, 01:03 AM
Ex's suck. They should suffer without us. Really, they should.
Just remember that you're still even better off than he is, and always will be just because you are the better person.
Just remember that you're still even better off than he is, and always will be just because you are the better person.
DantesInferno
06-20-2002, 01:13 AM
Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
Because part of you wants him to be miserable without you. You want him to feel crappy to make up for the way he treated you and made you feel. And hearing that he is doing fine without you and getting on with his life cuts you to the bone. It's a perfectly normal reaction. On some level we all want to think that our exes are crumbling without us.
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with you on that one. After further deliberation, I think that his line was so searing because he knows that that was the one thing, whether it be true or not, that would serve as completely underhanded, and strike where it hurt. He wasn't an ex, as much as he wanted to be involved with me, he turned into something that I have little respect for and he knew how to hold certain events over my head to induce my feelings of vulnerability and worthlessness. Damn him if he didn't find a weakness in my new found strength.
:mad:
Because part of you wants him to be miserable without you. You want him to feel crappy to make up for the way he treated you and made you feel. And hearing that he is doing fine without you and getting on with his life cuts you to the bone. It's a perfectly normal reaction. On some level we all want to think that our exes are crumbling without us.
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with you on that one. After further deliberation, I think that his line was so searing because he knows that that was the one thing, whether it be true or not, that would serve as completely underhanded, and strike where it hurt. He wasn't an ex, as much as he wanted to be involved with me, he turned into something that I have little respect for and he knew how to hold certain events over my head to induce my feelings of vulnerability and worthlessness. Damn him if he didn't find a weakness in my new found strength.
:mad:
tazdev
06-20-2002, 03:13 AM
Stay strong. Don't let him feel like he has won
DantesInferno
06-20-2002, 09:25 PM
Thank you to everyone for contributing their advice and support. I greatly appreciate it!
darkness
06-20-2002, 11:05 PM
I hope you are doing better.
It is a completely normal reaction. Just remember that it is the past, and that you have a really great future ahead of you. This is the way I have survived since I got hurt. Don't look at the past because you will dwell on it and it cannot be changed.
I was told once by a very wise person this.......
Everybody wants to make themselves happy. To feel happy most people like to feel right. To do this they must justify themselves. The easiest way to justify themselves is to make someone else feel bad or wrong.
Hence that seems to be why people say nasty things. They may not realise it at the time because it is a subconcious thing. But it does happen. Just know that you are happy now, look around you and what is happening now and smile. you'd be surprised how much it helps.
Anyway good luck with meeting the future in-laws.
It is a completely normal reaction. Just remember that it is the past, and that you have a really great future ahead of you. This is the way I have survived since I got hurt. Don't look at the past because you will dwell on it and it cannot be changed.
I was told once by a very wise person this.......
Everybody wants to make themselves happy. To feel happy most people like to feel right. To do this they must justify themselves. The easiest way to justify themselves is to make someone else feel bad or wrong.
Hence that seems to be why people say nasty things. They may not realise it at the time because it is a subconcious thing. But it does happen. Just know that you are happy now, look around you and what is happening now and smile. you'd be surprised how much it helps.
Anyway good luck with meeting the future in-laws.
HogieGT-R
06-27-2002, 04:38 PM
sounds like this dude is trying to regain control over you by sayin that....Taranaki was right when he said that...it's a manipulation tactic to try and keep you down while he tries to "get a better life" for all we know his "fiancee" could be his right hand with a blond wig. my friend don't give up....if anything you're the stronger being because you can fight his surly grips and rise above the occasion and say to yourself..you know what? i'm happy for you, but i have my own life to lead and not dwell on the past...dwelling on the past will get you nowhere and you know that (you can tell that i watch too much Oprah when....) but i mean girl BE STRONG!!! you gotta do that kinda thing in this world...you meet alot of jerks in the world, but one day you'll find people who are cool and treat you with the respect that you diserve..:)
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