Chuck Norris Replies LOL

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1

Now thats pretty funny

i dont see the humor??

i dont see the humor??

The funny part is that he replied to them, as many people dont.

I will say that it's pretty funny that he was cool with it.

Yeah, it was Chuck Norris being his usual humble self. Humor?

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.

Chuck Norris does not fade away. By all rights he should have, by now. "Walker, Texas Ranger," his butt-kicking law-and-order TV series, finished its run on CBS in May 2001, after eight years and 203 episodes. And that should have been that for the great Stoneface, outside of the endless cable reruns, the Total Gym infomercials and the occasional late-night rebroadcast of one of his '80s-era chop-socky movies ("Lone Wolf McQuade," "Missing in Action," etc.).

But Chuck Norris, or maybe just Chuck Mania, endures.

The 65-year-old martial-arts master is the object of a kind of sardonic cult veneration. Conan O'Brien, on his late-night show, has been airing vintage "Walker" clips for months. Collegehumor.com, a Web site popular among the dorm set, regularly links to all things Norris on the Internet (recent entry: a rare photo of Norris sans beard). Norris popped up in a cameo in "Dodgeball" two summers ago, and in a two-hour "Walker" movie in October, which drew respectable ratings.

Most intriguing, and certainly most amusing, has been the grass-fire spread of Chuck Norris "facts," a series of Paul Bunyanesque exaggerations riffing on (and amplifying) the Legend of Chuck. Such as:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Why him and not others?

Why does Norris (once described by a critic as the stiffest guy on TV since Ed Sullivan) rate this sort of exaltation, this David Hasselhoff-ization? Why not fellow aging B-pic martial-arts action stars such as Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme? Why a guy who never uttered more than three consecutive lines of dialogue and tended to solve contentious military and law-enforcement issues by, um, kicking people in the head?

Chuck Norris does not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

While hardly an unbiased source, Jeff Duclos, who has been Norris' publicist since the last season of "Walker," chalks up Chuck Mania to Norris' "consistent persona."

"There are very few people who have projected that kind of image, that kind of mythical heroism," he says.

A steady repertoire

Norris certainly has been consistent during his 30-plus-year movie-and-TV career. Through scores of "Walker" episodes and nearly two-dozen movies, he played pretty much the same guy: the square-jawed embodiment of law and order, who would do What Was Right, even if right involved beating up people. As latter-day Texas Ranger Cordell Walker, Norris and his sidekicks were the white hats out to get rid of drug-dealin', kidnappin', gun-runnin', no-good scum. Every week, justice prevailed. And it prevailed with great guest stars, including Frank Stallone, Joan Jett, Erik Estrada, Ann Jillian, Tom Bosley and Barbara Mandrell.

Another possible explanation for Norris adulation is a demographic one: Young adults, who grew up watching "Walker" on Saturday nights, are reliving a fond bit of their childhood, just as earlier generations elevated "The Brady Bunch" and "The Dukes of Hazzard" to iconic camp status. In any case, young people seem to be the driving force behind Norris nostalgia. The most frequent visitors to the Chuck Norris Fact Generator (www.4q.cc/chuck/), a daily offering of Chuck "facts," are college students and military personnel, according to Ian Spector, the site's co-founder.

Spector, 17, a Brown University freshman from Long Island, started a "fact" site for the actor Vin Diesel in April and joined forces with another Web designer, Mike Lelli, to launch the Norris site a month later. The Norris generator got 18 million of its 28.7 million hits in the past month, Spector reports. He has now collected some 8,000 Norris "facts" from visitors and plans to produce a book and a calendar.

Why the passion for Chuck? Spector has a few thoughts: "I guess he's well-enough known that people know what he's done," he says. "And he's been out of the culture long enough so that people can go wherever they want with the 'facts.' Beyond that, it's really hard to say."

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Norris was on vacation with his family and unavailable for comment, according to Duclos. The publicist adds, however, that Norris doesn't mind making a little fun of his persona. He appeared on O'Brien's show last year, in a skit in which Norris stopped O'Brien from showing another "Walker" clip by shooting his hand away from a clip-generating lever.

"He's a good sport," Duclos says. "He's a serious guy, but I don't think he takes himself too seriously."

As for the Internet "facts," Norris hasn't seen those yet, says Duclos.

Probably just as well. You wouldn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris once ate his weight in Pizza.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually was "his" way.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk'd. Only in his version, he would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

Chuck Norris doesn't teabag, he potato sacks.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris pissed in his pants on a dare. The resulting chemical reaction changed the molecular structure of the denem creating a fabric now known as Kevlar.

Chuck Norris' girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't ____ with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck.

Chuck Norris once bowled a 400 game.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does.

Chuck Norris doesn't bleed red, because red is the color of communism.

Unlike Mr. T, Chuck Norris doesn't pity the fool. He roundhouse kicks him.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is the most venemous creature on Earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: Fever, Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris carved Mt. Rushmore by himself with his teeth. It took him thirty seconds.

Watching a Chuck Norris movie will make your testicles grow 12%.

Chuck Norris knows exactly where Wally is on every page. Even the pirate one.

Chuck Norris hates midgets and is developing a special lower version of his roundhouse kick just for them.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a chimney scrubber and bleach.

Chuck Norris once killed a man by simply showing him how to love.

Chuck Norris's chest hair is used as an aphrodisiac in some small Asian countries.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by it's technical term: Jupiter.

Chuck Norris NEVER pulls out.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." As you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse-kicks you in the face.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law and Order" are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, just another fist.

In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse-kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later gave him Parkinson's disease.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the ____ down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ________

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris refers to himself in the 4th person.

If Chuck Norris looks you in the eye, you will explode.

God never makes an appearence on earth because Chuck Norris won't let him.

Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "What would Chuck Norris do?"

Every Chuck Norris film ever made was a documentary film about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did

Chuck Norris is the greatest baseball player of all. But because he hits homeruns with roundhouse kicks, he is not allowed to play at a professional level.

Christopher Reeve is the only known person to survive a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.

After a night of heavy drinking, Chuck Norris took a piss in a back alley. Inadvertently, his urine hit a sleeping bum, who immediately died of alcohol poisoning. Chuck didn't even get a hangover.

Chuck Norris shaves his beard every nite at midnight and grows another by 5 a.m. in the morning because of his extreme manliness. His beard clippings are woven into bulletproof clothing for the Navy S.E.A.L.'s.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

A masked man once stabbed Chuck Norris in the alley behind a children's hospital. The knife bled to death.

chuck norris is the reason why waldo is hiding

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris abolished slavery then blinded Stevey Wonder.

You give a man a fish, he eats for a day. You teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. If you ever, ever try to teach Chuck Norris about fishing then he will use your testicles as bait

Chuck Norris can survive fatalities on Mortal Kombat.

Chuck Norris eats pirates and _____ ninjas.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. For Chuck Norris, it's Richard Simmons

Chuck Norris didn't vote for Pedro. He deported him. And by deported Chuck means he roundhouse kicked him back to Mexico.

Chuck Norris does not ____. He excretes weakness.

Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a seagull after the seagull stole his ice cream.

Chuck Norris then grabbed the seagull, bit him in half and spit the seagull's remains into a sleeping baby's face.

Chuck Norris' favourite colour is pain.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris masturbates with a belt sander.

While attempting to grow a vagina one Thursday night in September, Chuck Norris accidently grew a third penis out of his fifth ball. At this point, he drank a beer.

When Chuck Norris faces North, baby seals club themselves.

Plugging Chuck Norris into any equation makes the outcome equal to pain.

When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.

When Chuck Norris has a bad day, people die. When Chuck Norris has a good day... twice as many people die and a few things explode.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris once saw a "DO NOT WALK ON THE GRASS" sign. He stared at the grass until it burst into flames then said, "Chuck Norris walks where he wants."

Chuck Norris was the original Danny Tanner on the hit family sitcom, "Full House". He was replaced by Bob Saget after an unfortunate incident with one of the Olsen triplets.

Chuck Norris enjoys long walks on the beach and staring into the sun while eating thumb tacks.

Chuck Norris covers his Slip 'n' Slide with gravel.

Chuck Norris was once a member of the Justice League, but was kicked out after eating more hot dogs then Superman in a contest.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

The character Superman is loosely based on Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris isn't affected by Kryptonite.

When Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, his masculine side hot her pregnant.

When you play Scrabble with Chuck Norris, every turn Chuck spells PAIN, using all seven letters on his rack.

Chuck Norris's blood holds the cure to AIDS. Too bad Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick is the only thing strong enough to draw it.

99% of Chuck Norris is kick ass. The remaining 1% is pure pain. The other 10% also kicks ass. Chuck Norris always gives 110%.

Chuck Norris always eats his vegetables. Even the wheelchairs.

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Chuck Norris and forgot to pay him back.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun. Chuck won.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

Chuck Norris has had some interesting bowel movements over the years, some of which include: Mr. T, and the contintent Australia.

6 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

-Chuck Norris doesn't do laundry. He flexes for 5 minutes while wearing every article of clothing he owns. They are always spotlessly clean.

-When asked if he could "break a 20," Chuck Norris misunderstood and broke in half a 20-year old body builder. With a roundhouse kick. And Chuck Norris didn't really misunderstand; he wanted to.

-When Chuck Norris packs to go on vacation, he opens a suitcase and gives all necessary items exactly 10 seconds to pack themselves before roundhouse kicks start. He's always packed in 3 seconds.

-On every fighting game, there is a secret unlockable Chuck Norris character, who always wins, and every button is a roundhouse kick.

-Chuck Norris once killed a bear. By grinding it down to nothing with his beard.

-Approximately 80% of children born every day have a 20% chance to be offspring of Chuck Norris.

-The legendary ninja developed their stealth techniques as a way to avoid Chuck Norris. It didn't work.

-Chuck Norris is why the dinosaurs are extinct.

-Chuck Norris never loses a sock in the laundry. Once, a dryer tried to steal one, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it so hard, the entire brand of dryers fell apart.

-The recorded fastest-run mile is 3 minutes, 43.13 seconds. Chuck Norris can run it in 2 minutes. Flat.

-Chuck Norris does not cast a reflection in a mirror. He casts the most powerful shadow ever seen, however.

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse
kicks you in the face.

2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia
Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.

5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris
brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged
beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a
crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal,
breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck
giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who
have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick
related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "f***ing."

12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist.

14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who s***,
and Chuck Norris.

15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris'
Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it
back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked
Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's
disease.

16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and
meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and
Tequila.

17. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only
time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the
Holocaust.

18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left,
right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.

20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.

21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive
erection. There were no survivors.

23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris
could use to kill you, including the room itself.

24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
game of tennis.

26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's
Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was
the third girl he had slept with.

27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.

28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put
up with lactose's s***.

30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

31. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

32. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

33. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

34. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

35. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

36. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

37. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

38. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

39. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

40. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

41. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

42. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

43. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

44. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and ____ on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

45. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

46. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

47. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the ____ out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

48. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

49. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the ____ out of little kids.

50. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

51. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

52. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

53. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

54. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

55. Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk'd. Only in his version, he would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.

56. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

57. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

58. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

59. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

60. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

61. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

62. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

63. Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

64. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

65. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

66. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

67. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ____ing Indian.

68. They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.

69. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

70. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the ____ down.

71. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

72. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

73. Rocks learned from Chuck Norris how to be hard.

^Those are total :repost:.. we already had a thread about em..

Jesus, here we go again... LOL.


Funny thing about Chuck's "reply" is what a tool he is. Wasted no opportunity to hock his autobiography and his western novels. :rolleyes:

:lol: Those will still never get old..

"I'm very proud of these literary efforts."

:lol2: LOL!

I love how he concludes the reply with a straight-faced fact :lol2:

I bet the guy who started those little quotes about him is scared shitless because Chuck Norris can see all.

That's halarious - he posted a reply on his website; young people should read my books?!? What a goof!

EDIT: Man I never get sick of the Chuck Norris facts... LOL

Who cares about Chuck Norris? He's alright I guess but Bruce Lee kicked his ass.

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET


I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

God bless you, Chuck Norris.







What a dweeb :iceslolan

Who cares about Chuck Norris? He's alright I guess but Bruce Lee kicked his ass.

Well, nobody’s cared about him since the 80’s… Walker Texas Ranger was a lame show and those workout tapes he did were disgraceful.

But back in the day Chuck Norris was the man – when I was growing up it was him and Aaaaaaanold toe to toe; Stallone had nothin on Chuck.

Missing in Action 1-3
Invasion USA
Code of Silence (robot at the end looks gay now but was cool back then)
Delta Force (who could forget that)
Silent Rage (cool thriller about Chuck fighting a psycho that can’t die)

Hell where’s my brain… there’s a bunch of other martial arts flicks he did that were cool (NOT that Force of One movie with the kid).

But c’mon man – Chuck Norris INVENTED the kicking-through-the-windshield-of-a-moving-car-that’s-trying-to-run-you-over move! LOL


Now he’s just a flake…

Now he’s just a flake…


How dare you speak such words to the only person to successfully beat a brick wall in a game of tennis!

Ya, it seems nowadays he likely talked to the brick wall and asked it to read his books, then it fell over :p

(NOT that Force of One movie with the kid)

Sidekicks!? What was wrong with Chuck Norris in Sidekicks? Was one of his greatest works that is in the hall of fame.

Anyway, Chuck Norris maybe good, but as I said, Bruce Lee was better and kicked his ass. Yes, I own all five of Bruce Lee movies and watch them still to this day.

Sidekicks!? What was wrong with Chuck Norris in Sidekicks? Was one of his greatest works that is in the hall of fame.

Anyway, Chuck Norris maybe good, but as I said, Bruce Lee was better and kicked his ass. Yes, I own all five of Bruce Lee movies and watch them still to this day.

But you have to admit, bruce lees acting ability pales in comparison to chuck norris. I mean come on, he has that one character that he was in every one of his movies and in walker texas ranger down.

He named his book "Against All Odds"??? Why, because he's a short guy who can kick some ass?

This pic is great... :p
http://www.chucknorris.com/images/flagman.jpg

You cant forget his great and powerful role in Dodgeball lol

Who cares about Chuck Norris? He's alright I guess but Bruce Lee kicked his ass.


Yeah, but Bruce Lee was all business. Chuck brings the funny.

:lol: Those will still never get old..
Ever. :lol:

Sidekicks!?

No, I think it was called "Force of One"... movie about some little boy who like od's on drugs, then he kick boxes some dude in the ring... I dunno, I never liked it.

Sidekicks??? Never saw it but I figured it would be fruity. You're really obsessed with Bruce Lee huh? lol

Damn it you beat me too it!

I found this the other day but WoW prevented me from posting it.

:lol2: That's pretty funny how even he found out about all those facts.

Our grandchildren will one day read about this era in history books known as the Reign of Chuckdom.:lol: