Chuck norris facts
nissan_240sx
01-09-2006, 11:01 PM
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fû¢k down.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fû¢k down.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Scope240
01-09-2006, 11:13 PM
lol, wasnt half bad, even though you double posted somet things, in which i hate you for, but overall you have too much time, but that was good.
nissan_240sx
01-09-2006, 11:21 PM
lol I got this from a local forum, decided to share. yeah I saw the doubles. too lazy to take them out.
Skylindrftr
01-10-2006, 12:00 AM
they have like the exact same thing for vin diesel too but its not as funny cuz i hate that guy (cuz of f and f haha)
orestes
01-10-2006, 12:18 AM
i thought the vin diesel one was funnier. mainly because one of my friends looks a lot like him. between Vin Diesel and Mr. Clean.
The movie "Angels in the Outfield" was loosely based on the colonoscopy that Vin Diesel underwent as a child.
Vin Diesel can communicate with fruit, he says apples scream the loudest
The actions that Vin Diesel's body performs are not directed by a normal human mind. Instead, they are the long-term policies of a vast empire of more than a billion microscopic beings who all live inside Vin's head, where time flows at a faster rate. A thousand generations of those beings live and die in the time he takes to sneeze.
The movie "Angels in the Outfield" was loosely based on the colonoscopy that Vin Diesel underwent as a child.
Vin Diesel can communicate with fruit, he says apples scream the loudest
The actions that Vin Diesel's body performs are not directed by a normal human mind. Instead, they are the long-term policies of a vast empire of more than a billion microscopic beings who all live inside Vin's head, where time flows at a faster rate. A thousand generations of those beings live and die in the time he takes to sneeze.
240sxAddict
01-10-2006, 01:20 AM
lol this is kool
orestes
01-10-2006, 04:16 AM
i'm all over this thread...
Vin Diesel hates Apple so much that he bit off part of their logo.
Vin Diesel rejected Facebook friend requests from Ghandi, Confucius and Jesus. He said those just weren't the type of people he wanted to be associated with
Fact: Vin Diesel's not really bald, he merely wears his foreskin as a hat.
Vin Diesel thinks in italics.
think about that...
Vin Diesel hates Apple so much that he bit off part of their logo.
Vin Diesel rejected Facebook friend requests from Ghandi, Confucius and Jesus. He said those just weren't the type of people he wanted to be associated with
Fact: Vin Diesel's not really bald, he merely wears his foreskin as a hat.
Vin Diesel thinks in italics.
think about that...
TRUBO_89
01-10-2006, 05:09 PM
i think this was already in the off topic forums here
oh well still funny as hell :thumbsup:
oh well still funny as hell :thumbsup:
J SPEC SilEighty
01-10-2006, 10:41 PM
Vin diesel can divide by zero.
J SPEC SilEighty
01-10-2006, 10:43 PM
and here's the random chuck fact generator http://www.4q.cc/chuck/
"If Chuck Norris was an animal, he would be a Chuck Norris."
"If Chuck Norris was an animal, he would be a Chuck Norris."
J SPEC SilEighty
01-10-2006, 10:44 PM
Hellen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris
nissan_240sx
01-10-2006, 10:51 PM
you just made my day jspec lol
FatAlbert85
01-11-2006, 11:20 PM
When Chuck Norris sneezes, his pal Jesus quickly replies with "Chuck Norris bless you"
Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument who had a better beard, Jesus, or Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him having sex with my wife, it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw
Chuck Norris' beard can sharpen a knife
Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour
Scientists from 50 different countries tried to measure the speed of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. They will be missed.
Chuck Norris does not move, the earth rotates to where he wants to go.
The titanic didn't sink, but it in fact ran into Chuck Norris while practicing his underwater roundhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross.Just never his own.
Chuck Norris once went back in time to the pre historic era, to exact revenge on a T-Rex that ate an ancestor. On seeing how perfect and round his roundhouse kick was, the cave men were inspired to invent the wheel.
Once, Chuck Norris got in a fight with a man in bar, and proceeded to roundhouse kick him in the shoulder so hard that he severed his arm. Norris then used the man's own hand to rip out his still beating heart, which Norris squeezed dry, and used the blood as ketchup on his 64 oz. official "Chuck Norris" Burger from Lone Star.
For every time the phrase "roundhouse kick" appears on this website, Chuck Norris will bomb an African village.
Wonder Woman once left her panties in Chuck Norris's hamper.
Originally, the universe was two dimensional. A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris knocked a guy into the third dimension, dragging everything else with it from the force of the blow.
Chuck Norris doesn't get AIDS. AIDS gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the entire Department of Transportation because one of their signs told him to "Stop".
On August 17, 1993, Nolan Ryan introduced himself to Chuck Norris as "Ryan: Texas Ranger". On August 17, 2008, Nolan Ryan will die. If Chuck Norris respects you, he'll give you fifteen more years.
Chuck Norris once gave blood. The blood then went on to win the WWF (now known as the WWE) championship under the moniker of "The Ultimate Warrior". When Chuck learned of this he showed an indiscernible facial expression that could have been pride. Or disgust. We'll never know...
The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.
After watching the Karate Kid, Chuck Norris challenged Mr. Miyagi to a Fight 'Til The Death. When Miyagi declined because "karate is not used to harm others," Chuck gave him a roundhouse kick to the temple, smashed the picture of his dead wife to prove a point and replied, "It is now, bitch."
Chuck Norris created pi in order to keep humans confused. While scientists and mathematicians attempt to terminate pi, Chuck Norris plots to terminate them.
When asked by a reporter what his only weakness was Chuck Norris replied, "I sometimes love too much." He then ripped out the reporters spine and beat him to death with it.
The lead role for The Pacifier was chosen all depending on a game of Counter-Strike between Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris. Vin Diesel won the game, but only because he was camping. In an angered state of rage, Chuck Norris notified God and got Vin Diesel banned from Earth. That took him down a peg.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris was going to fucking kill it.
Mark Magwire tested positive for Chuck Norris testosterone, the strongest steroid in the history of time.
The Chuck Norris total Gym is actually designed to act as a religious relic where mere mortals can pray and strive to be more like the one true God Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Chuck Norris problem.
If looks can kill, Chuck Norris is one hell of a looker.
Chuck Norris was raised to respect the views and opinions of others, with a swift kick to the face.
.................Oh my shit. I sharted. :uhoh:
Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument who had a better beard, Jesus, or Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him having sex with my wife, it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw
Chuck Norris' beard can sharpen a knife
Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour
Scientists from 50 different countries tried to measure the speed of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. They will be missed.
Chuck Norris does not move, the earth rotates to where he wants to go.
The titanic didn't sink, but it in fact ran into Chuck Norris while practicing his underwater roundhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross.Just never his own.
Chuck Norris once went back in time to the pre historic era, to exact revenge on a T-Rex that ate an ancestor. On seeing how perfect and round his roundhouse kick was, the cave men were inspired to invent the wheel.
Once, Chuck Norris got in a fight with a man in bar, and proceeded to roundhouse kick him in the shoulder so hard that he severed his arm. Norris then used the man's own hand to rip out his still beating heart, which Norris squeezed dry, and used the blood as ketchup on his 64 oz. official "Chuck Norris" Burger from Lone Star.
For every time the phrase "roundhouse kick" appears on this website, Chuck Norris will bomb an African village.
Wonder Woman once left her panties in Chuck Norris's hamper.
Originally, the universe was two dimensional. A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris knocked a guy into the third dimension, dragging everything else with it from the force of the blow.
Chuck Norris doesn't get AIDS. AIDS gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the entire Department of Transportation because one of their signs told him to "Stop".
On August 17, 1993, Nolan Ryan introduced himself to Chuck Norris as "Ryan: Texas Ranger". On August 17, 2008, Nolan Ryan will die. If Chuck Norris respects you, he'll give you fifteen more years.
Chuck Norris once gave blood. The blood then went on to win the WWF (now known as the WWE) championship under the moniker of "The Ultimate Warrior". When Chuck learned of this he showed an indiscernible facial expression that could have been pride. Or disgust. We'll never know...
The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.
After watching the Karate Kid, Chuck Norris challenged Mr. Miyagi to a Fight 'Til The Death. When Miyagi declined because "karate is not used to harm others," Chuck gave him a roundhouse kick to the temple, smashed the picture of his dead wife to prove a point and replied, "It is now, bitch."
Chuck Norris created pi in order to keep humans confused. While scientists and mathematicians attempt to terminate pi, Chuck Norris plots to terminate them.
When asked by a reporter what his only weakness was Chuck Norris replied, "I sometimes love too much." He then ripped out the reporters spine and beat him to death with it.
The lead role for The Pacifier was chosen all depending on a game of Counter-Strike between Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris. Vin Diesel won the game, but only because he was camping. In an angered state of rage, Chuck Norris notified God and got Vin Diesel banned from Earth. That took him down a peg.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris was going to fucking kill it.
Mark Magwire tested positive for Chuck Norris testosterone, the strongest steroid in the history of time.
The Chuck Norris total Gym is actually designed to act as a religious relic where mere mortals can pray and strive to be more like the one true God Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Chuck Norris problem.
If looks can kill, Chuck Norris is one hell of a looker.
Chuck Norris was raised to respect the views and opinions of others, with a swift kick to the face.
.................Oh my shit. I sharted. :uhoh:
nissan_240sx
01-12-2006, 12:00 AM
haha
TRUBO_89
01-12-2006, 03:45 PM
The lead role for The Pacifier was chosen all depending on a game of Counter-Strike between Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris. Vin Diesel won the game, but only because he was camping. In an angered state of rage, Chuck Norris notified God and got Vin Diesel banned from Earth. That took him down a peg.
earth moderator? lol :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
earth moderator? lol :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
orestes
01-23-2006, 11:33 PM
Vin Diesel once invaded Poland, claiming "What's popular isn't always Reich."
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