Will I be allowe back after posting this...
Setanta
06-06-2002, 08:17 AM
Corny, but funny :)
Phone answering machine message
"...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong
currant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft,
it
sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Guy goes into the doctor's.
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside
"How's that?"
"Don't you start."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a
lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other, "Your round."
The other one says, "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two prostitutes standing on a street corner.
One says to the other, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the boobs!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the
other
was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Phone answering machine message
"...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong
currant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft,
it
sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Guy goes into the doctor's.
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside
"How's that?"
"Don't you start."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a
lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other, "Your round."
The other one says, "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Two prostitutes standing on a street corner.
One says to the other, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the boobs!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the
other
was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Spunkymonkey
06-06-2002, 08:34 AM
oh
perhaps we'll forgive u this one time :p
perhaps we'll forgive u this one time :p
incoming
06-06-2002, 08:37 AM
i stopped at the icecream man....
i heard sparq from OT got banned... u might be next!
i heard sparq from OT got banned... u might be next!
Integra-F20C
06-06-2002, 09:12 AM
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the
other
was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"
baahahaha..u suck..get outta here!:finger: :D
other
was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"
baahahaha..u suck..get outta here!:finger: :D
taranaki
06-06-2002, 08:49 PM
You must have been desperate to post this....and I must have been bored to read them all..:flipa:
And if people stuck to the member guidelines they wouldn't get banned!
Next thread:rolleyes:
And if people stuck to the member guidelines they wouldn't get banned!
Next thread:rolleyes:
Setanta
06-06-2002, 10:19 PM
There are guidelines in this forum? I thought it was more relaxed than the others ;)
evil_elmo
06-06-2002, 11:00 PM
hahahha i love it, they are corny but funny :D
Oz
06-07-2002, 03:59 AM
OUCH! That was horrible. Never again. *groan*
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