Cyber-sex for idiots

WELLHUNG: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
SWEETHEART: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

WELLHUNG: I'm 6'3'' and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

SWEETHEART: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

WELLHUNG: OK

SWEETHEART: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

WELLHUNG: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

SWEETHEART: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing you're bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

WELLHUNG: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

SWEETHEART: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

WELLHUNG: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

SWEETHEART: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

WELLHUNG: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

SWEETHEART: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

WELLHUNG: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

SWEETHEART: What?

WELLHUNG: I'm so sorry; Really.

SWEETHEART: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

WELLHUNG: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

SWEETHEART: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

WELLHUNG: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

SWEETHEART: Why don't you take off your glasses?

WELLHUNG: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

SWEETHEART: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

WELLHUNG: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

SWEETHEART: Hurry back, lover.

WELLHUNG: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

SWEETHEART: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

WELLHUNG: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

SWEETHEART: What's the matter now?

WELLHUNG: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

SWEETHEART: Mmm, yes. Come on.

WELLHUNG: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

SWEETHEART: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

WELLHUNG: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

SWEETHEART: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

WELLHUNG: I'm flaccid.

SWEETHEART: What?

WELLHUNG: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

SWEETHEART: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

SWEETHEART: [logged off]

Failing on the internet are we Taranaki?:D :D

Originally posted by taranaki

WELLHUNG: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.



:spit: :lol2: :lol2:

ROTFLMFAO!

Truely a classic there!

Originally posted by HuMMerMan


:spit: :lol2: :lol2:

ROTFLMFAO!

Truely a classic there!

ROFL!!! :hehehe: I love that one too Hummerman :D :D It had me laughing my ass off in the middle of work when it's way to early for any one to be laughing that hard so I got funny looks :uhoh:

hahha that was cute! hahaha i like the guys attitude...hes so dorky!

Originally posted by L8dy_Integra
hahha that was cute! hahaha i like the guys attitude...hes so dorky!

Woohoo, I'm not alone any more :)

:eek: Mr T you promised that you wouldn’t post our conversations on here??!!!! :devil:





j/k :)

Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
:eek: Mr T you promised that you wouldn’t post our conversations on here??!!!! :devil:





j/k :)

:eek: You silver tongued devil you :D ;)

Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
:eek: Mr T you promised that you wouldn’t post our conversations on here??!!!! :devil:





j/k :) :cry: :cry: :cry: Not fair!!!!!:cry: :cry: :cry:

Anyway.....there's a little PM file called 'sent items'......I'm sure that I could find something MUCH better to post if I wanted to!:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

Originally posted by taranaki
:cry: :cry: :cry: Not fair!!!!!:cry: :cry: :cry:
I sorry. It was my evil twin! :devil:


:p

Your evil twin will get a good spanking on her sensible navy blue undies when I see her!

Originally posted by taranaki
Your evil twin will get a good spanking on her sensible navy blue undies when I see her! Bring it on! :devil: Evil twins don’t own sensible navy blue undies though. :p

Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
Bring it on! :devil: Evil twins don’t own sensible navy blue undies though. :p

Lies:devil: ! I know for a fact that 'evil twin has the full school uniform:licker:

And the nurse outfit...:cool:


Anr the sheep costume!:eek:

Originally posted by taranaki


Lies:devil: ! I know for a fact that 'evil twin has the full school uniform:licker:

And the nurse outfit...:cool:


Anr the sheep costume!:eek: I wouldn't know, she doesn't tell me what she owns! :angel: :D

Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
Evil twins don’t own sensible navy blue undies though. :p

your last post is contradicted by this one.:D

Bad Spec2 girl!

Taranaki can tell when you are telling fibs!

Now I will have to punish you...........................:p

Originally posted by taranaki


your last post is contradicted by this one.:D

Bad Spec2 girl!

Taranaki can tell when you are telling fibs!

Now I will have to punish you...........................:p Dammit! Sprung.

Oh well, let the punishment begin: http://www.theunholytrinity.org/cracks_smileys/contrib/tweetz/bootyshake.gif


:p

PMan sees this thread and tip toes out of it

Not until the video camera is set up.Ithink there's a lot of AF people who would love to own a copy......:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

Originally posted by primera man
PMan sees this thread and tip toes out of it

VHS OR DVD mate...your note doesn't specify....;)

Originally posted by taranaki


VHS OR DVD mate...your note doesn't specify....;)
I only own the poor mans VHS.
Can i hold the camera :devil: :devil:

Originally posted by taranaki
Not until the video camera is set up.Ithink there's a lot of AF people who would love to own a copy......:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh You know I’m camera shy! :right:

Don't worry,I wont be focussing on your face:devil: ....


....now where did I leave my rubber chicken?:D :D :D

Originally posted by taranaki
Don't worry,I wont be focussing on your face:devil: ....


....now where did I leave my rubber chicken?:D :D :D :eek2: :eek2: I’m outta here. Rubber chickens are where I draw the line!


:p

Originally posted by taranaki
Don't worry,I wont be focussing on your face:devil: ....


....now where did I leave my rubber chicken?:D :D :D

MY GOD......Now im really leaving :eek: :eek: :eek:

Well ,I guess I have made my point.I can be much scarier at cyber-sex than the guy in the joke:D :D :D :D :D :D

Originally posted by taranaki
Well ,I guess I have made my point.I can be much scarier at cyber-sex than the guy in the joke:D :D :D :D :D :D That you are! :uhoh:

:p

now watch me scare you spec2..



BOO

Originally posted by SkYLiNeFrEaK
now watch me scare you spec2..



BOO Oh, good effort! :finger: :rolleyes:

:hehehe:

:p

Moppie quitly reachs for phone:


ring, ring :Hello, this is Middlemore Hospital, how can I help you

ahhh, Hello, can you please transfer me to the psyhc ward

Hello, this is the psyhc ward, how can I help you

Oh thank god! look theres these two nuts on the internet, I need you to commit them both

Certianly sir, just tell me where they are and well send someone right away........





:devil:

Originally posted by Moppie
Moppie quitly reachs for phone:


ring, ring :Hello, this is Middlemore Hospital, how can I help you

ahhh, Hello, can you please transfer me to the psyhc ward

Hello, this is the psyhc ward, how can I help you

Oh thank god! look theres these two nuts on the internet, I need you to commit them both

Certianly sir, just tell me where they are and well send someone right away........
I know!!! P-man and Mr T really need some help! :angel: :D

Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
I know!!! P-man and Mr T really need some help! :angel: :D



Better make that 3 nuts on the internet then.

You could be Commited by your own Husband. :p

Originally posted by Moppie




Better make that 3 nuts on the internet then.



IN a word......yaya!

Make that 4:finger:

Originally posted by taranaki


IN a word......yaya!

Make that 4:finger: Oh what fun we’d have all committed together! :jump:

:hehehe: :D

Originally posted by taranaki


IN a word......yaya!




ah oh! :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh:

Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
Oh what fun we’d have all committed together! :jump:

:hehehe: :D

I'll sign myself in if you promise to come too!

Tell them about your evil twin,I'm sure they would be interested.:D

Do they by any chance take middle aged men who have imaginary Pandas at the psych ward by any chance?????? If so make that 5

errmmmm.........The Panda made me do it ...........??????:help:

Holden BARINA? ;) Make it 6!

Originally posted by taranaki
Holden BARINA? ;) Make it 6!



How are we all going to fit in the "special peoples" ambulance, especially since we have 'Naki and a guy in a Panda suit in there........:uhoh:

Most of the population of Auckland are crazy(How else can you explain Mayor John Banks?:finger: )The worst ones travel by bus,so Iguess we could all fit in one...

I am the true Mayor John Wanks is merely my puppet to get rid of all boy ricer competition :D




your car...... Stick a SOHC in it:flipa:

Now, now kiwis.... this is NO way to get tangie to come visit NZ!!!! :right:







That was quite possibly the most creative cybersex yet.... :bloated:

Originally posted by tazdev
I am the true Mayor John Wanks is merely my puppet to get rid of all boy ricer competition :D


Totally deluded....make that 7 for the bus......:D



And thankyou Tangie for that vote of confidence in my cyber-sexuality, but this is only the beta test version.Suggest you P.M. me as soon as possible if you want to be the first subscriber to the all-new, no sheep, Panda-free, DirtyOldManWithHisMindInTheGutter.co.nz forums.

We will need to do something to address the gender imbalance issues of course,so any lady who wishes to join should pm me with un-suitable pictures:licker: :licker: :licker: :devil:

am I the only one who thinks the Kiwi Krew should be renamed the funny-fam krew?????

Originally posted by Moss1O6GTi
am I the only one who thinks the Kiwi Krew should be renamed the funny-fam krew?????

nope U r not the only one....:p :D

Originally posted by saturntangerine
Now, now kiwis.... this is NO way to get tangie to come visit NZ!!!! :right:

That was quite possibly the most creative cybersex yet.... :bloated:

oh come on, Tangie, you know you want to come visit us:D

Originally posted by darkness


oh come on, Tangie, you know you want to come visit us:D

If I wanted nuts, I'd call Planter's ;) :eek: :uhoh:




















*runs and hides*

I shall ignore the comment about the renaming of the Kiwi-Krew :devil: :devil:

Good to see this thread is still going after the rubber chicken :p

What about Monkeyaya?? Can we make that 8 and have a psychiatrist commit himself?? :hehehe: :D

Originally posted by saturntangerine
*runs and hides*

that wouldn't do you any good.

Kiwis are good at hunting things down:D

Originally posted by saturntangerine


If I wanted nuts, I'd call Planter's ;)

Yeah, but do planters make the Moss flavour?????:cool: ;)

*bump*



one from the good old days!

Originally posted by taranaki
*bump*



one from the good old days!


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!








:(

*lol* hahaha... We've changed since then, haven't we???

Originally posted by saturntangerine
*lol* hahaha... We've changed since then, haven't we???


MAybe it was a good idea, not being here when this craziness took place :rolleyes: