A Car Possessed; ’85 Classic Caprice

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone could tell me what is going on with my car; if it’s a big or small electrical problem or something else. This is what has happened, in order, over the last couple of years:

1.) The orange “service engine” light goes off and on all the time.
2.) The a/c stopped working on the highest setting.
3.) The radio first starts losing signal, then shuts off completely, then starts working again the next time I start the car, plus the clock stopped keeping time.
4.) The (electronic) passenger window sometimes stops working then starts again.
5.) The turn signals won’t stay on and it’s not the “blinker plug” (I replaced it, it didn’t work). I can manually blink them.
6.) I can unlock all the doors with the driver’s side switch, but I can’t lock them. The passenger side doesn’t have this problem.
7.) The battery light is now on and I just replaced the battery!
8.) My car sometimes wakes up screaming from “night terrors” and wakes up the neighbors… (Just kidding – I’ve got to keep some humor about all these problems!)

Thank you

Have you checked the output of the alternator?

Okay, you have a number of individual problems, many of them I've experienced first had.
*For the service engine light, you must check your engine codes by finding the diagnostic plug under the steering column. Then you have to take a paperclip, or piece of coppper wire and plug one end into terminal A and the other into terminal B, then turn the key forward. The service engine light should flash one, then twice, this indicates a code 12, and will be displayed 3 times before and after the engine codes are displayed. Its just telling you that the ECM is in diagnostic mode. Then it will flash to you the codes for what is wrong after its first set of code 12's. Look up those codes in a Hanes book, or post them here on the forum to find out what the issue is.
*The A/C probably stopped working because you're low on Freon. You can eaither pay big bucks to have it reacharged with R-12, or you can convert it yourself to R-134a for about 35-40 bucks. It could also be the clutch on the compressor is shot, but thats less common of a problem.
*The radio, if stock, is probably shot. I've seen many stock radios in Caprice's go in this fashon. Its usually a blown capacitor withing the internal circuity of the radio.
*If the clock is the one in the radio, then odds are its because the radio itself is done. If its one of the analog clocks thats above the radio & climate contols, then thats very common. I've haven't seen of of those clocks keep accurate time in years (literally years). I actually replaced my analog clock with a tachometer.
*The passenger window is acting this way because you have an loose connection on either the passenger side switch, or the drive's master switch. Mine turned out to be in the passenger side switch. They pop right out. Unplug em, and clean off the connections.
*Your power locks switch is corroded (as was mine) The switch pops right off like the power windows switches. Once you get it out, and unplugged, carefully take a small screwdriver annd open the switch up (it should be 2 clips, one on each side of the switch) Then clean the connections, and put it back together.
*As for your battery light, its either your altenator is shot, the belt going around the altenator broke, or a wire going into or coming out if the altenator broke.