Don't fart in bed. (Long joke)
Officer Redneck
11-01-2005, 05:19 PM
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her that he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly normal. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day, he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts. A malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband wake up with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footstepsas he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts. A malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband wake up with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footstepsas he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
ec437
11-01-2005, 05:45 PM
:repost:
TheBenzon
11-01-2005, 05:46 PM
LOL LOL LOL i cant stop laughing
XeVeNskyLiNE
11-01-2005, 06:31 PM
Only thing I could think of was
o........m.......g.......
o........m.......g.......
D[X]P
11-01-2005, 07:02 PM
fucking nasty
GForce957
11-01-2005, 07:13 PM
haha ewww
imtheoneandonlyD
11-01-2005, 07:53 PM
:uhoh:
'97ventureowner
11-02-2005, 12:22 AM
:repost:
But still funny!
But still funny!
Twizted_3KGT
11-02-2005, 11:59 AM
aawwwww thats sick lol.
1986Z28
11-02-2005, 01:03 PM
awww thats nasty
Damien
11-02-2005, 01:44 PM
I hated reading that the first time... *shakes head*
just nasty
just nasty
clawhammer
11-02-2005, 01:56 PM
:eek2:
Schister66
11-02-2005, 04:15 PM
heard a variation of the same one.....it was a deer hunting version of that!
Muscletang
11-02-2005, 10:12 PM
It's a :repost: (http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=401891)
Don't blame you though...everybody wants to steal Muscletang's jokes. Probably because they're funny, unlike a certain member's...
Don't blame you though...everybody wants to steal Muscletang's jokes. Probably because they're funny, unlike a certain member's...
karmacae
11-03-2005, 02:49 PM
last time I herd that tha guy was drunk and kept farting
MonsterBengt
11-03-2005, 06:00 PM
so old.. so good.. 'Did it hurt? -No , but putting them back in did..
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