Words of wisdom...

from Swiss Tony

http://www.ogmac.co.uk/sidcup/swisstony.jpg

MAKING COFFEE: Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET: Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER: Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT: Putting up a tent, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'... slip in to the old bag.

WASHING A CAR: Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

ANSWERING THE PHONE: Answering the phone, is... a little like making love to a beautiful woman. In that you've gotta... lift the receiver, put it to your ear, speak ...loudly and clearly ... oh, yes - and don't forget to state your name.

BEING IN THERAPY:And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You ... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

BEING IN A CRASH: Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is ... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

GOING FISHING: Of course, As you know, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod over, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

Amazing, i think i've got life figured out now.

Posting on AF is a lot like making love to a woman.. first you meet someone, then you get into an argument, then abuse each other, then you're banned. teehee cool post.

Fishing one was the best.

I'm dying in class!!! people are staring... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

lol his mind is little preoucupied

Posting on AF is a lot like making love to a woman.. first you meet someone, then you get into an argument, then abuse each other, then you're banned. teehee cool post.

Lame. :banhim:

:lol: :rofl: :lol:

Good stuff there.

:lol: :lol2:

Holy shit that was great.

I'm dying in class!!! people are staring... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


:rofl: same here.

Good one :rofl:

ha ha ha....you watch it on bbc3 ? its sooo funny...cracks me up everytime he says "is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman.."

brillant collection though.

Excuse me, I have to answer the phone. Then renovate. Then go camping.

Good one :rofl:
Very!! :lol:

Posting on AF is a lot like making love to a woman.. first you meet someone, then you get into an argument, then abuse each other, then you're banned. teehee cool post.


:lol2:

For some reason I was reading these in my head with the voice of the Latino guy who ran the dating service over the radio in Grand Theft Auto.