Funny emails

BUMPER STICKERS

"IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!"
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Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
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If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
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The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
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I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
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So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
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If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
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Illiterate? Write For Help.
~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
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Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
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He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost,
But is Miles From The Next Exit.
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I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed
Person.
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You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
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I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
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Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
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(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
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Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph
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Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
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If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My
Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
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Ax Me About Ebonics.
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Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
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Boldly Going Nowhere.
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Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
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Heart Attacks: God's Revenge
For Eating His Animal Friends
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Honk If You've Never Seen
An Uzi Fired - From A Car Window.
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How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He
Admits He is Lost?
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GROW YOUR OWN DOPE -- PLANT A MAN.
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All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
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And Lastly:

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED,
AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

http://img335.imageshack.us/img335/3006/att000476dd.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
>>mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult,
>>four hour, surgical procedure.
>>
>>A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
>>"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
>>Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only
here
>>to wash your upper body."
>>
>>He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned
>>that he may elevate his vital signs from worry about his testicles,
she
>>overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.She
>>raises his gown, moves them around, takes
>>a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir."
>>
>>The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly,
>>"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
>>closely......
>>
>>"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

Five reasons NOT to be a penis:

1. You're bald your whole life.

2. You have a hole in your head.

3. Your neighbors are nuts.

4. The guy behind you is an asshole.

5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.

Five reasons NOT to be a penis:

1. You're bald your whole life.

2. You have a hole in your head.

3. Your neighbors are nuts.

4. The guy behind you is an asshole.

5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.

:headshake hmmm... The others where hilarious though :D

:headshake hmmm... The others where hilarious though :D
A female I work with wanted me to post that. I thought it was alittle funny

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!.

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours
passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.


Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos= MIDNITE!)


The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with
that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then
said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed
another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over
the coffee table and farted."

Ax Me About Ebonics.

ROFLMAO

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!.

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours
passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.


Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos= MIDNITE!)


The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with
that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then
said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed
another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over
the coffee table and farted."
AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

sunuvabitch, I couldn't breath.....hahaha, that's downright hilarious right thurr!

Jet-lee that is good