Funny Sayings

Do any of you have funny sayings that you heard of? Mine is

The last time I got a piece of ass is when my fingers went through the toilet paper.

Um...



Ew

hahahhahaha thats good.but i aint got any

um, that was halarious, but in a cynical way...


"Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional"

It doesn't matter if you go this way or that way.... Just go "a way".

They say: "What's up?"
I say: "My dick at the smell of sheep."

I don't care if you stay, you just can't stay.................. here.

I always like to say this to someone when someone else is just walking by and can over-hear me say it:
"So, I was standing there, totally naked with my hands in my pockets..."
Always gets some odd looks or double-takes.

For when someone farts:
"Did you hear what that asshole said?!"
or
"Well, your voice has changed, but your breath is still the same"

Instead of saying "running around like a chicken with it's head cut off" I usually say "running around like a head with it's chicken cut off".

one time when i was at work and kinda pissed, i just blurted out: "go suck a turtle"

"son of a whore!"

and instead of saying "your mama" when the time calls, i think "yo' uncle" is funnier

When someone can't sing or carry a tune:

"Can you sing solo...solo that no one can hear you?"

Or when someone asks me what Native Tribe I'm from:

Them: "What tribe are you from?"
Me: "Nunya..."
Them: "Nunya? What tribe is that?"
Me: "Nunya damn businesss..."

Just randomly if someone asks my opinion I say:

"Whatever floods your boat..."

when someone is singing along to a song on the radio, and not doing a particularly good job of it...

me: hey man, who sings this song again?

person singing: oh yeah it's The Beatles (for example)

me: oooh right. well let's keep it that way.

:D

THEM- "how are you?"
ME- "Decent"
^That's my reply to just about everything...decent...

Or if someone says something along the lines of--
"Just stick it in there"
I'll say
"That's what she said"

someone bends over and their asscrack is sticking out..

say,"if you hadda bent over any further i woulda seen your balls".

Them: "It's hot in here."
Me: "That's me."

Them: What's up?
Me: Your mom's legs.

About as easy as a $2 whore on 50 cent night.

Lets make like a church and get the hell out of here.
Lets make like a baby and head out.
Lets make like shepard and get the flock out of here.

Girl: Kiss my ass!
Me: Bend over and pick an acre.

Me: Can I have your number?
Girl: Drop dead loser!
Me: Come on lower your standards a little......I did.

Them: (tells a joke at my expense or says something about me)
Me: sad/mad/depressed look
Them: Can't you take a joke!?
Me: I look at your face everyday.

Who pissed in your toasty oats this morning?

"Thats what she told me last night" You would be surpised how easy it is to use this phrase. For example if someone says "Damn, this is really hard" it works there just fine.

its colder then a witch's tit wearing a brass bra in december

"Whatever tickles your pickle"

My friend told me that, I couldnt stop laughing but then I wondered if she was serious. :lol2:

"Whatever tickles your pickle"

My friend told me that, I couldnt stop laughing but then I wondered if she was serious. :lol2:
maybe she wants to tickle your pickle

LMAO,.................that was hillarious!!

"its a titty bit nipply" :naughty:

hehe, muscletang, i like the lowering your standards one.

"Damn, your hogging all the ugly"
^That has gotten me slapped at parties, though i proceeded to laugh my ass off.

Me: Can I have your number?
Girl: Drop dead loser!
Me: Come on lower your standards a little......I did.
Haha, I like this one.

When someone says "It's a tit bit nipply",
respond with, "Yea, I wish it was hooter"

you guys have some good ones, I was rollin.... :rofl:

Shake it don't break it,
took your mom nine months to make it,
put it in the car, I'll take it!

Bend over and touch your toes, I'll show you where the wombat goes.

:smile:

When someone calls out any female by their name and the female screams out "I'm Coming"

I scream out , "That's a first"

Works great in the office. :lol:

TS out (getting hit with a sex discrimination lawsuit)

Twat? I cunt hear you.

Twat? I cunt hear you.

I have an ear in fucktion.

ill give u a nickel to tickle my pickle

Let's make like a boner and beat it


Life is like a dick, when it gets hard, fuck it

Btw if anyone was wondering, she WAS being serious. soo.. :naughty:


:lol2:

One of my mates did a bit of a fart at work during lunch the other day and we just looked at him. "What, its just a bit of an ice coffee squirdle" (he was drinking ice coffee). We lost it.


I did an all nighter on Friday night with a lot to drink, so when I was at work on Saturday I had to bend over to pick up a bolt. "Hey Mate, wanna see a movie?"
"Huh?"
"Cause I reckon I am about to recreate the exorcist"
He was mopping a floor which he just about went ass up in. He laughed very hard.