Just broke up

... with my girlfriend of 5 years.

Things haven't been great recently and i saw her tonight for the first time in almost three weeks, having just returned from vacation. Our phone conversation before i went over wasn't the warmest, but once i saw her she looked great and i was very happy to see her. We had dinner, and all was going well until she started talking about the relationship (lot of arguing recently). She asked me if i missed her while i was away and i replied "the first week, a lot, the second week, less". She felt the same.

The main issue is commitment. We've been together for such a long time and she knows i have no desire to get married or even move in with her, or any partner. We had a big argument before i left and i thought about having a break then. But it was the night before i left, so i didnt say anything. In hindsight it would have been a good idea.

Tonight she said we could either try to work things out, or break up. She said she didn't see us going back to the way it used to be, to which I agreed. So we broke up. My girlfriend of 5 years and best friend. Both of us were in a state of shock. She cried. I didn't, but couldn't really look in her eyes as i left. We still love each other, which is what really hurts.

Anyway, that's it. I still have a present i bought her while on holiday which i didnt take to her today lying on my bed, and i don't know what to do with it. 6 million things in my room remind me of her.


We've broken up once before but i know this time it's for good. And it fucking hurts.

So you're afraid of committed eh?............................

Why do you have no desire?





you love porsches tooo much.

Had something similiar, and I suggest you goto a strip club to try to get your mind off of it. Thats what I did and moved on.

Not afraid of commitment. Just don't want to do it at this stage in my life.

Heh.. I know how it is..

I didnt want to let go.. but it just takes time. Good luck bro.

Ouch mate. 5 years is a long time to be with someone.

Not afraid of commitment. Just don't want to do it at this stage in my life.
Perfect answer. Commitment is best handled when ready. Take your time.

Good luck man, come to the U.S., to central Illinois, we'll get you drunk get you a woman for the weekend and make you forget about her...until you get back to your place anyway.... sorry to hear it man.

bummer dude, sometimes girls suck...i suggest the opposite of what these dudes are talking about and get everything off your chest and get some closure....shrugs*....sorry dude..

Hey buddy, I'm going through the same sh!t. My ex of 5-6 years broke up with me b/c she said she wanted to get married, but i wasn't ready. I think thats all BS b/c 5 days later she started to date someone else.

All I can say is hang in there. I'm going through the same thing and I'm not sure how to handle it. Best of luck to you.

sorry jay

my terrible advice would be to give the gift to her eventually, otherwise its going to feel terrible sitting there. just don't make it seem like your trying to buy her back

Wow, it almost seems like your just getting bored with each other.

OMG I think you might be married to her.


Seriously, just take some time off from each other. Don't be afraid to get back together if you have no reason to be apart. You will regret it for the rest of your life.

I hope it doesn't rip to hard.

At least you talked about it to each other, not just the cliche old cowardice SMS "i need time". I admire how you did it.

Thanks guys.

There are a lot of changes at the moment. Yesterday i lost a girlfriend and tomorrow i'm leaving my job. I know i can deal with it but it won't be easy. I don't want to lose contact with her, but it would be difficult being just friends, for a while at least.

Either way the next couple of weeks are going to be a very new experience for me. Looking for work, and er... something else ;)

p...eople? hehe


I've never stayed friends with any of my ex's, simply because I end up having more hatred for them than I seem to have for my government leaders.

Mail her your gift, or try to return it, get it out of your way. It a tangible cue to keep bringing it up.

Sorry to hear this Jay. Hope all turns out for the best. Keep your head up.

Yep.... thanks guys.

Things are going to be very different from now on. I'm also in negotiations with my employer to leave my job, probably before the end of this week. It's a fresh start in almost every aspect, but it's not easy to stay positive about everything.

It doesnt help that so much reminds me of my ex - it's weird just calling her that. Half the things i wear were bought by her (you try going out with a girl for 5 years and still buy your own clothes by the end of it), amongst other things...

anyway, out tonight with the boys. we'll see how it goes..

I know what your going though man. Its sucks and unfortunatly will take some time to get over. I had to move when i broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years, everything around my house reminded me of her. It helps to get a way for a while. Good luck man, I hope it works out for you.

Ok im really struggling here. Being alone sucks.

Ok im really struggling here. Being alone sucks.



I never been with anyone that long so I cannot even imagine how hard it must be to get used to be on your own for a while. Unfortunatelly there is nothing to make the pain go away except time.


My advice is to keep yourself as busy as posible this way you cannot think about her. Focus on the job, or on whatever job you're going to be getting, or if you want some time off focus on anything that will keep you busy, especially cool guy stuff. Cars, computers, football games, hang out with your buddies etc...whatever you like to do.

Damn Jay, sorry to hear about it man, but you did what you thought you had to do and I commend you for having the balls to do it.


Where do I send the stripper? Or are you still in the sweatpants phase of things?

Damn Jay, sorry to hear about it man, but you did what you thought you had to do and I commend you for having the balls to do it.


Where do I send the stripper? Or are you still in the sweatpants phase of things?

Can I have the stripper? I live in Texas, and I just want the stripper or an STD free prostitute.

It sucks to see you down like this, you always lighten the mood in these kinds of threads.

Hope your feeling better

Just to brighten the mood for you jay.......











Ok im really struggling here. Being alone sucks.


Its hard to have sex without a woman isn't it?
:)

Damn Jay, sorry to hear about it man, but you did what you thought you had to do and I commend you for having the balls to do it.


Where do I send the stripper? Or are you still in the sweatpants phase of things?
I'm definitely in the sweatpants phase.

Getting the itch to call her. Bad. Trying hard not to scratch that itch.

not quite the same but at university i was with this girl for about three and a bit years. we were always aware of the fact that her being a foriegn student the time would eventually come when we would have to say our good-byes (there's slightly more to this but i won't bore you with specifics).
when the time came it wasn't good (and i have to say a bit messy because of things i did during this little period of 'cooling off') but like i said, we knew it was always going to happen and i guess i was more prepared than she was.

ever had a relationship on which all others are judged against? well, this was it. i can honestly say that for those three years, we were practically living together 24/7 and there wasn't a single argument.
sometimes, i think about whether or not i made the right choice all them years ago. maybe things would've been better if we both just said 'no, this is not going to end well'.
is there an answer?
well, we all know that there never is an answer. you just get on with things and see how it goes.

... with my girlfriend of 5 years.

Things haven't been great recently and i saw her tonight for the first time in almost three weeks, having just returned from vacation. Our phone conversation before i went over wasn't the warmest, but once i saw her she looked great and i was very happy to see her. We had dinner, and all was going well until she started talking about the relationship (lot of arguing recently). She asked me if i missed her while i was away and i replied "the first week, a lot, the second week, less". She felt the same.

The main issue is commitment. We've been together for such a long time and she knows i have no desire to get married or even move in with her, or any partner. We had a big argument before i left and i thought about having a break then. But it was the night before i left, so i didnt say anything. In hindsight it would have been a good idea.

Tonight she said we could either try to work things out, or break up. She said she didn't see us going back to the way it used to be, to which I agreed. So we broke up. My girlfriend of 5 years and best friend. Both of us were in a state of shock. She cried. I didn't, but couldn't really look in her eyes as i left. We still love each other, which is what really hurts.

Anyway, that's it. I still have a present i bought her while on holiday which i didnt take to her today lying on my bed, and i don't know what to do with it. 6 million things in my room remind me of her.


We've broken up once before but i know this time it's for good. And it fucking hurts.

Hey bro,

I am sorry to hear that. I have also been with my girl 5 years. If you don't mind me asking - How old are you?

I'm definitely in the sweatpants phase.

Getting the itch to call her. Bad. Trying hard not to scratch that itch.

yea man, this what friends are for, think of us as neosporian for feelings. call one of your friends if you get that urge.

I would tell u to call me but i doubt that you want to make a long distance call to cali, and I think my parents are going to look at me funny when i'm talking to a british muppet with a midget fetish.


Hang in there

My bf broke up with me yesterday through texting messaging (pussy ass bitch) after being together for 8 months and friends for 3 and a half years. I have good friends to help me get through this tough time. They're getting me drunk every weekend AND when Jared (Ssom) gets back from Auckland, he's taking me to a strip bar. Now that's a true friend.

Damn Jay, I'm sorry to hear this too. My best advice is dont wait for it to be over. Cuz it never will be. Sounds fucked up, but really, you can't pass the time by hoping you'll get over it sooner than later. Take up another hobby. Order some more midget porn. (sorry, I had to, by law, i think). I still think about my ex every day, and its been a looong time. Part of me hates calling her my ex, because I spent a long time thinking I would never have an ex.

I have to say it's very mature and wise of you both to end it like adults. Not by text messaging. (what a bitch). I do however, see some truth in what lamehonda said. Maybe you two just need to re spark the romance. Love shouldn't be destroyed by boredom. Did you two do cute things together during the last few months, (or year or, whatever)? It doesn't sound at all like you were just interested in seeing other people. Maybe you two should just try to work things out. Take walks. Give massages. Write love letters. Buy flowers. Buy cards on random days just to express your feelings. Shit like that. Think about it Jay.

I hate to see this. Maybe you should send her the gift with a little note that you cant stop thinking of her, and would like to keep trying. It sounds like a perfectly good relationship ruined by a lack of "little things". What a waste it would be.

sometimes, i think about whether or not i made the right choice all them years ago. maybe things would've been better if we both just said 'no, this is not going to end well'.
That's pretty much why we broke up. I could talk her into getting back together tomorrow, in 2 minutes. But i know it would just be delaying the inevitable. Two years down the line, when we break up again, it would be even more painful. So we're kind of doing it in advance. I clearly can't commit, so it's not fair to keep expecting her to ignore her wants. Things haven't been great recently but the love is undeniable. Not calling her is proving to be one of the most difficult things i've ever done.

I am sorry to hear that. I have also been with my girl 5 years. If you don't mind me asking - How old are you?
23. I'm not thinking about getting married for a while and the thought of moving in together is simply one step closer to that (if you're not looking to get married why take a relationship one step further by living together?), which is why i'm not really considering it right now.

I would tell u to call me but i doubt that you want to make a long distance call to cali, and I think my parents are going to look at me funny when i'm talking to a british muppet with a midget fetish.
you don't have to tell them about my fetishes ;) :grinno:

I do however, see some truth in what lamehonda said. Maybe you two just need to re spark the romance. Love shouldn't be destroyed by boredom. Did you two do cute things together during the last few months, (or year or, whatever)? It doesn't sound at all like you were just interested in seeing other people. Maybe you two should just try to work things out. Take walks. Give massages. Write love letters. Buy flowers. Buy cards on random days just to express your feelings. Shit like that. Think about it Jay.

I hate to see this. Maybe you should send her the gift with a little note that you cant stop thinking of her, and would like to keep trying. It sounds like a perfectly good relationship ruined by a lack of "little things". What a waste it would be
Our last few months weren't good. I had professional exams whilst working a full-time high-pressure job, and she had her finals at university, and family problems. We didn't do cute things for maybe the last year. Before that, it was the norm. She was good at the little things like giving surprise presents, but i was the more affectionate one. She wasn't missing anything in that sense. Nonetheless, the spark would have been difficult to re-ignite. I sincerely doubt i could experience the same passion in a relationship with any girl after 5 years as at the beginning. And if it starts to deteriorate when you're 23, what it's going to be like in another 5 years?

I love her. I want to call her. But deep down i know the relationship isn't going to move to the next level, in which case, what is the point in delaying this moment?

I love her. I want to call her. But deep down i know the relationship isn't going to move to the next level, in which case, what is the point in delaying this moment?

Because you never know. People like you make this mistake all the time. Breaking up with the person they will never stop thinking of, and then wondering "what if" years later.

I mean, this sounds like a very mature break up which is rare now days. And with the circumstances of prior months, (exams, finals, family problems) it only makes sense that it was tougher on the relationship. I guarantee she's got the same itch as you Jay. You're both sitting around wishing to talk to each other. It's not right. It's just not right.

That's it for me. You know what you want, I shouldn't try to talk you into something else. I hope you get what you want, to put it simply.

Sorry to hear that Jay. :frown:

So what is wrong if you don't want to "commit". Nada, ENJOY THE COMPANY, and when it ends, walk.

Our last few months weren't good. I had professional exams whilst working a full-time high-pressure job, and she had her finals at university, and family problems. We didn't do cute things for maybe the last year. Before that, it was the norm. She was good at the little things like giving surprise presents, but i was the more affectionate one. She wasn't missing anything in that sense. Nonetheless, the spark would have been difficult to re-ignite. I sincerely doubt i could experience the same passion in a relationship with any girl after 5 years as at the beginning. And if it starts to deteriorate when you're 23, what it's going to be like in another 5 years?

I love her. I want to call her. But deep down i know the relationship isn't going to move to the next level, in which case, what is the point in delaying this moment?
Sorry to hear about your loss.
But before you lose all hope, I want you to answer some questions, dont need to reply to me, answer them truthfully to yourself.

1.Why do you think the relationship lasted this long?
2.Is she not what you want in a woman?
3.Are you willing to do anything for her?

You see, what I think is that your still very much in love with her. On your trip you got her a gift, I'm sure its very meningful to her because theres no way you would have gotten the same gift if you two were on better terms. Subconciously you wanted to impress her when you got back and did not want the break-up to go through. However, you don't have a clear view on your stance with her down the line from now. I bet you didn't have that clear of a view 5 years ago, right?

What I'm saying is that you found your dream girl, you just don't know what to do with her. Hold onto her for as long as you can. If seeing her is physically and or economically impossible then send the gift by courrier, then give her a ring and talk. You don't have to pick it up from where you lft off, just work it through.

Good Luck