People suck...

I am actually keeping my cool rather well at the moment, but I know that if I don't let some of this tension out, I'll probably explode.

There are so many sides to my situation, and all unrelated to an extent never believed to be possible. First and foremost comes my giant distrust and disdain for my mother. I'm never quite good enough. I'm always doing something wrong, and if not, then I did something wrong by NOT doing anything. Well, my "puppy" got hit by a car on Sunday (don't worry, nothing's broken and besides being VERY unusually timid he's doing well). But he's usually an EXTREMELY excitable puppy, so my brother and I will jokingly make a comment like: "go play in traffic." Naturally, never meaning anything by it. Well, as soon as my dad called us to tell us what happened she turned straight to me and said: "You got your wish." I could have freakin screamed. Sure, I'd joked about it a few times, but it was a JOKE. And to boot, I never heard her say anything that sh!tty to my brother who had joked just as many times as I had.

Then comes the case of the ex. No, I didn't love him nor am I still hoping to get back together with him. This is a case of friends trying to date friends... Ah, now you see. Yes, THAT mistake. Well, he has since decided that I am the most [language warning] heinous breed of bitch [/language warning] ever born to mankind. And it is not nearly good enough that he thinks so, but all of the people I was chilling out with are now convinced of this as well. They wonder why I lay mini-guilt trips on them when they all get together for cookouts and dinners out and then only invite me if I happen to call when they are together and I can tell it from my end of the phone line... Now he's dating this very timid blonde who is a sort of preppy (aka Abercrombie and Fitch wearing-type) whereas he has always been a Metallica/Nickelback/IllNino kind of kid. She is apparantly so amazing that his consistent wardrobe of black t-shirts and cargo shorts have been replaced by khaki shorts and Aeropostale T's. He always used to let his hair get shaggy under his ballcap and never kept a clean shave. <--- Guess what else the former Mr. Wonderful has decided to change??? Lastly, the trademark eyeglasses have been replaced by contacts. I mean, is ANYONE really worth changing for??? Sure, if you're a crack addict and you love someone, okay, but these things are so trite and materialistic. My personal feeling is that no matter how hot that guy is in his suit, and no matter how stunning that girl is in that little black dress, he/she is NOT worth changing your personality over. NO ONE.

I dunno, I guess it's more just bitterness at the fact that all my friends are still away at college and the entire group that I had been hanging out with is now "too good" for me... Well, atleast the colleges get out of class over the next few weeks so I won't feel so alone anymore...

Don't worry about it Tangie! You sound like a cool chick from AF! People like that with no ability for independant thought that make all decisions based on emotion , gossip and reputation are not worth your precious time! And you've got more time for AF now! Yay! As for your Mum, my suggestion is to write her a letter explainging what you feel, why, examples and what she could do about it (including an invitation to talk to you) - and then don't give it to her - post it to her and DO NOT SIGN IT or have anything that ties you to it. Be general. She will be forced not only to read it, but take it seriously and investigate. Oz.

Tangie...I don't quite know what to say...but with the issues you have with your mother, I can tell you for a fact they will heal when you move out. When you're not both living in the same place (same neighborhood or same small town counts as well) you will be better able to understand each other. Also she'll be so happy to see you when you visit that she'll start spoiling you rotten. At least that's what happened to me.

I can certainly understand your feelings about your ex too...it's sickening in a way to see someone lose their entire personality suddenly, and esp. for another person...

I have no idea what to tell you about the friends thing. I've always been somewhat of a loner but am fairly comfortable that way, so I've no clue what is to be done. I don't want to give the Mr. Rogers reply (It's their loss, they'll realize what they're missing, you're too good for them etc.) but I think in this case it is true. And no matter what, I think we here at AF will do our best to stand by you.

Dont know what to tell you that won't sound corny.Hope my kids are lucky enough to have parents who can love them in a kind and supportive fashion.Hope I never sell out what I believe in just to impress a new friend.But above all,I hope that if one of my friends is alone and feeling low,that I will make a point of seeking them out and making them feel a bit better.

Things don't ever look better in retrospect,we could all live a great and happy life with the benefit of hindsight,but if you can use foresight when the going gets tough,at least you are still in with a chance.

Hope things improve for you soon,some of your most trustworthy friends are here at AF.Use the PMsystem or AIM,we will be here for you:)

Stop thinking about your ex. Who gives a fuck! :o

It sounds like you guys care about each other. You care for him, so you are upset that he is "changing". He cares about you, and shows it through his hostility to you.

To put things in perspective: people change, and maybe he is exploring what its like to be "preppy". Maybe he isn't happy with the whole black thing.

As for your mom, well I'm sorry she said that. I'm guessing she didn't say it jokingly and is now pissed at you?

Any updates Tangie?

Originally posted by MBTN
Stop thinking about your ex. Who gives a fuck! :o

Amen!


...end all hateration! :devil:

Changing for the better or for somebody special to you is not WRONG. Being fashion-forward is not a sign that the end is coming. Who wants to date a guy who looks like a Trenchcoat Mafia reject anyway? Contacts are cool, glasses leave those grooves on the side of your head.

Hey now, are you calling me a loser casue i wear a black Metallica/Ozzy shirt nearly every day i can? Are Abercrombie and AE people "better" than me becasue of the clothes? Am i fasion-backwards?

Originally posted by Steel
Hey now, are you calling me a loser casue i wear a black Metallica/Ozzy shirt nearly every day i can? Are Abercrombie and AE people "better" than me becasue of the clothes? Am i fasion-backwards?

Basically.

Originally posted by Sham365


Basically.

My apologies here, but A&F clothes couldn't be more retarded. I don't shop somewhere just so that I can be something I'm not. Isn't that what American Eagle, Aeropostale, and Abercrombie are all about??? :mad:

No updates on my mom. I just continue to leave the house convienently as soon as she comes home, and I will stay out and sit in a parking lot or just drive around until I suspect she's fallen asleep. She continues to make her pissy comment about the dog getting hit and pretty soon I'm just going to tell her what I think, and I sincerely doubt it will be with such formal language as I prefer to use.

As for still 'caring' about the ex... yes, he has been a good friend to me. He's helped me through some rough spots as a friend for the past 2 years and I want to return the favor. His mom just remarried after an 8 year engagement, so I wonder if he is having a bit of an identity crisis as a side-effect. He's always been against the whole pop-culture, I'm a scheezy-ho named Britney thing, so his magical change is likely not just random experimentation.

Wow. Hard to know what to make of everything in your posts, Tangie. At first, I was going to state that your ex's change in wardrobe and clothing style doesn't necessarily represent a change in personality. But, in light of your second post, it does seem that he is indeed "selling out," to say the least. However, sometimes people just need to make a change like this in their lives.

I know that between the time I graduated high school and got back to NYC as a working man, I changed from my grungy heavy metal get up to more of a preppy, professional image. And though I have naturally changed as a person (more as a function of experience and maturity than anything else), inside I am the same person, but with more confidence. Dressing differently and looking more stylish may just be part of your ex's attempts to make him feel better about himself, and establish a new self image.

I hope you don't beat yourself up for dating him because he was (is... ?) a friend of yours. This is a good path to choose - I for one would absolutely NOT think of this as a mistake in any way, shape, or form. You took a risk, as you should. I know lots and lots of people that were friends for a long time before they realized that with their friendship came love. I know that relationships often work better with someone you know well, who you've had a chance to befriend before you start dating. My brother and sister-in-law started out as friends, as did my cousin and her husband. It's a good move.. it's just too bad that it didn't turn out better in this particular situation.

The recent tensions with your mom do sound like they will be short-lived (but then again, I know nothing of the relationship you have with her - would you describe the two of you as being close?). From the way you describe it, she has lots of frustration over what happened to the dog, and she is wrongly misdirecting it towards you. She should know better than to lash out at you for things out of your control.

Now avoiding her, though not the approach that any psychiatrist would tell you to use, may provide the temporary fix that you need to make it through the now until this blows over a little. That way, when things are better between you two, you can sit down to discuss how you both were feeling, and where the hostility was routed. But I recommend that you don't put this off for too long.. within a few months, say by the end of the summer, I would make sure that you and her communicate openly about your tensions. I am not trying to sound overbearing, but it is important that you do this before too long. Or else, the hell with it, just let that imminent blow out happen. I know that often these can help, as long as one way or another, you both spill your guts.

This leaves the issue of your "friends." If they were just people you were chilling with, I guess it's a possible outcome of your break-up that they don't like you anymore, if they had known him longer and better. If not, I urge you not to lose any sleep over them. If they were good friends with both you and your ex, and they turned your back on you, then please, allow me to say "fuck them all and let them burn in hell" with a clear conscience for you. How dare them judge you based on something that occurred between you and him. Those are not friends, Tangie, those are fake superficial assholes, that a good person like you is better off without. You may feel alone at the moment, but as you said, your friends who are away at college will be back home soon. And at the very least, your buds here at AF are always here for you. Chin up :)

originally posted by JD@af

Wow, quite possibly the most well-thought-out post I've ever read. Thank you immensely! That certainly helps.

Boy oh boy. Instead of bringing in new factors as they come along, I'll just look at it this way: The "friends" and the Ex allowed me to be in their presence on Friday night, so I should be grateful for having a place to chill. I want to thank everyone who has posted. You all are wonderful, and have provided a very nice hiding place for me in here. :D Everyone in here rocks!

;)

Golly gee wilakers!

Sometimes AF is such a lovefest/Mr.Rogers neighborhood.

Good advice though.:licker:

Originally posted by JD@af
"fuck them all and let them burn in hell"

I can say from personal experience that JD is right. Sometimes this is the best thing to do.

I've still got serious issues left over from a certain situation that I was in, quite similar to the your one Tangie, but thats probably because I'm so messed up in the head from it.

Originally posted by saturntangerine
Everyone in here rocks!

:flash: :flash: :flash: :flash: :flash: :flash: :flash: :flash: :flash:

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*tangie begins to foam at the mouth*

No, I will behave. I won't even make my gripe. I'm just commenting on the fact that I have yet another one! :rolleyes:

Originally posted by saturntangerine
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*tangie begins to foam at the mouth*

No, I will behave. I won't even make my gripe. I'm just commenting on the fact that I have yet another one! :rolleyes:

It never rains but pours for you Tangie:(

Slow breaths to get it out of your system