Blonde joke

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says "please come over and help me. I bought a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started".

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished"?

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger".

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help.

She shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says: "first of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says "second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea", and then... he sighed, "let's put all these Frosties back in the box".


:biggrin:

:lol: a blonde joke I've never heard before

I could see that one coming a mile away :icon16:

:rofl: Never heard this one before.

never heard it, it was midlyl funny, yet amazingly... it was a blonde joke. So no real humor can be derived from it. Don't worry; it's not your fault. ;)

Took me a second to get it....never heard them called frosties.

What are they called in the US?

What are they called in the US?


http://files.automotiveforums.com/gallery/watermark.php?file=/503/250018tonytiger.jpg


They're GRRRRRRRREAT!

LOL!! :rofl:

:lol2: that is a good one. I do have to admit, those jig saw puzzles can be quite confusing at times!

:grinno:

Took me a second to get it....never heard them called frosties.


:1:

It was good though,

You kids and your slang :p

A blonde gets pulled over and a blonde female officer gets out of the car. The officer ask the blonde for her driver's license but the blonde pulls out her makeup mirror. The blonde officer looks at it and says, "I'm so sorry, if I knew you were in law enforcement I wouldn't of pulled you over!"

Why did the blonde cry when she looked at her driver's license? She had a F under sex.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were all on top of a burning building. The fire fighters got a net ready for them to jump into. The fire fighters tell the brunette to jump and she does. The fire fighters pull the net away though and the brunette falls to her death. They then tell the red head to jump. The red head says she isn't falling for it and won't jump. The fire fighters tell her they don't like brunettes but they'll save a red head. So the red head jumps and the fire fighters move the net and she falls to her death. Finally, the fire fighters ask the blonde to jump and she won't. The fire fighters try to talk her into it but she won't jump. Finally the blonde says, "lay the net down and step away!"

A blonde couple go into a doctor's office and tell him their sex life is aweful. The man tells the doctor how his wife's hole isn't getting bigger and it hurts his penis every time he tries to have sex with her. The wife says the same thing about how it's the worst pain ever to have sex. The doctor find this weird as sex should be enjoyed by both parties a whole lot. He then ask the couple to have sex so he can see what the problem is. The man drops his pants and his wife lifts her shirt exposing her stomach.

Why did the blonde cry when she looked at her driver's license? She had a F under sex.



My friend Matt's mom actually did that. One of the funniest stories she has ever told us.

Haha! I loved all four of those.

A blonde walks into a store and asks the man behind the counter, "How much for that TV?" The man replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to dumb blondes."

The blonde storms out, dyes her hair red, returns to the same store next day and asks again, "How much for that TV?" Again, the same reply, "Sorry, we don't sell to dumb blondes."

The redhead storms out, dyes her dark brown, returns to the same store next day and asks again, "How much for that TV?" Again, the same reply, "Sorry, we don't sell to dumb blondes."

Crying, she asks, "But how can you TELL that I'm a blonde?"

"That's a microwave" comes the reply.

^^^ hahaha! :lol: good one, I liked it.

The first one was funny to!

A blonde walks into an elevator and sees that a man is already in the car. After the door closes, the blonde says to the man, "T.G.I.F." The man looks at the blonde and says, "S.H.I.T."

The blonde, "a little confused," pauses, then again, says, "T.G.I.F.!" with a slight annoyance in her voice. Again, the man looks at the blonde and says, "S.H.I.T."

The blonde then exclaims, "No! No! No! T.G.I.F. means Thank God It's Friday! DUUUHHH!!!" The man looks at the blonde and says, "S.H.I.T. means Sorry Honey It's Thursday."

^^^^^ I do that all the time!!! hahahahha

^^^^^ I do that all the time!!! hahahahha
Yeah, ME, too! Hahahahaha! Anyhow, no offence to anyone:

A blonde in a sports car is pulled over for speeding in the wee hours of the morning. The state trooper walks up to the window of the drop-dead gorgeuous, voluptuous about-to-pop-out-of-her-dress but obviously inebriated blonde and asks for her license and registration. The blonde fumbles around in her bag for a couple of minutes looking for her license while unconsciously juggling her jugs to the trooper's delight. The trooper, having looked up and down the highway, not seeing any traffic the whole time, cannot control himself any longer and pulls his zipper down while telling the blonde, "Here, here, let's try this instead..." The blonde looks at the trooper's salute and exclaims, "Oh, no!!! Not ANOTHER breathalyzer test!!!"

Two blondes walk into a bar, only one gets back up.

Two blondes walk into a bar, only one gets back up.

:lol: :rofl: :lol:

I'm sure half the people that read that won't get it.

I'd be worried if that were the case.

In all fairness to dumb blondes...

Once upon a time, a female brain cell, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a very faint voice from, it seemed, far, far away...

"We're down here."

Good one :lol:

Two blondes walk into a bar, only one gets back up.



I dont get it :confused: :confused: :confused:

Two blondes walk into a bar, only one gets back up.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I dont get it :confused: :confused: :confused:


:grinno: Think about it...

You wouldn't happen to be blonde would you?

because I find it quite amusing.

You wouldn't happen to be blonde would you?

because I find it quite amusing.

Maybe, the expected outcome was "...neither one gets back up..."

Two blondes find themselves outside the Pearly Gates.

One asks, "How did you get here?" The other responds, "I died of a heart attack. And you?" The reply came back, "I froze to death."

Silence. "Heart attack? That's horrible! What happened?"

"I suspected my husband of cheating, so when I left work early one day and came home unannounced, I immediately noticed a pink Jeep parked in front of my house. After parking my car in the driveway, I ran into the house and found my husband just about naked watching TV in the den with a look of surprise on his face, taking quick and short breaths. The throw pillows were all on the floor and one of the glasses on the coffee table had what looked like lipstick. I glared at him and run up the stairs and searched all bedrooms, closets and under the beds. I ran up to the attic and searched all nooks and crannies. I ran downstairs and searched all closets, behind furniture and kitchen cupboards. I ran into the garage and searched up and down and behind the washer and dryer. While running down to the basement, I had the heart attack and died."

Silence. "Froze to death? That's horrible! What happended?"

"I'd rather not say." "C'mon, I told you how I died! Go ahead, tell me how it happened. Tell me."

"Well... if you had made it to the basement freezer, we'd both still be alive..."

i think it's funnier when it's "two men walk into a bar, you would have thought at least one of them would have seen it" lol karmacae does that help u understand it a bit better maybe?

i think it's funnier when it's "two men walk into a bar, you would have thought at least one of them would have seen it"


:slap:

No.

:slap:

No.

:rofl: so blunt

http://files.automotiveforums.com/gallery/watermark.php?file=/503/250018tonytiger.jpg

The man who did Tony's voice, also the singer of The Grinch theme song died not too long ago.

:slap:

No.
Ownage at it's simple best :iceslolan

not sure how many people know this one.

Whats the first thing a blonde does after she wakes up in the morning?










Go home.

The postman knocks on the door, it opens to reveal a gorgeous, voluptuous and curvaceous blonde in a skimpy see-through nightie.

"Please, come in. Take a seat here at the kitchen table. Have some of this delicious pancake, sausage and bacon. The coffee's hot and the juice is fresh-squeezed." The postman complies and enjoys the breakfast.

After stuffing himself, she says, "Please, come with me, upstairs, to the bedroom." The postman complies and he enjoys the best sex he's had in his lifetime.

As he's putting his clothes back on, the blonde hands him a dollar bill. With a quizzed look on his face, he pockets the dollar and heads downstairs and is about to open the door to leave when he whirls around and asks the blonde, "What's this all about? The great breakfast, the great sex, and the dollar bill?"

The blonde tilts her head, smiles and says, "I asked my husband what we should give the postman for Christmas. He said, 'Fuck him!!! Give him a buck!'" After a short pause, she adds, "Breakfast was my idea."

:lol: that was good!

^^ lol

That was great.

The postman knocks on the door, it opens to reveal a gorgeous, voluptuous and curvaceous blonde in a skimpy see-through nightie.

"Please, come in. Take a seat here at the kitchen table. Have some of this delicious pancake, sausage and bacon. The coffee's hot and the juice is fresh-squeezed." The postman complies and enjoys the breakfast.

After stuffing himself, she says, "Please, come with me, upstairs, to the bedroom." The postman complies and he enjoys the best sex he's had in his lifetime.

As he's putting his clothes back on, the blonde hands him a dollar bill. With a quizzed look on his face, he pockets the dollar and heads downstairs and is about to open the door to leave when he whirls around and asks the blonde, "What's this all about? The great breakfast, the great sex, and the dollar bill?"

The blonde tilts her head, smiles and says, "I asked my husband what we should give the postman for Christmas. He said, 'Fuck him!!! Give him a buck!'" After a short pause, she adds, "Breakfast was my idea."

:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol:

:lol:

That one was good, hadn't heard it and didn't figure it out till the punch line,

lol, i havent heard that one before.

three blondes are on an island and can't find a way off. They find a lamp rub it blah blah blah they each get one wish. 1st one says, "i wish i was 10x smarter than i am now" so she turns into a brunette and swims across safely to the mainland. 2nd one says, "I wish i wa 10x smarter than her". so she becomes a redhead builds a raft and rows to the mainland. 3rd one says, "well i wish i was 100x times smarter than both of them combined" so she turns into a man looks at a map and walks across the bridge

What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together

A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife
something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he
decides to buy her a cellphone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and
explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day
the blonde goes shopping.

Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how
do you like your new phone?"

She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is
clear as a bell! But there's one thing I don't understand
though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife
something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he
decides to buy her a cellphone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and
explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day
the blonde goes shopping.

Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how
do you like your new phone?"

She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is
clear as a bell! But there's one thing I don't understand
though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

Hahahahaha! Dumb b*tch...

Next time, try changing it to something like "How did you know I was at your best buddy's place?"

A beautiful young blonde in Sydney was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself from the Harbour Bridge. She went down to the bridge and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tittering on the edge of the bridge, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The young lass thought for a moment, then nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her sandwiches, a piece of fruit, some wine and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the ship's captain. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He feeds me, he screws me, and I get a trip to Europe."

The captain says, "He's certainly screwing you. This is the Manly Ferry."

excellent. I've heard something like it before but i forgot. What's the differenc between a blonde and a mosquito?




a mosquito will stop sucking when you slap it

An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

..."That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"
Hahahaha! Dumb b*tch...