Funny stuff: newspaper headlines
nicecar
05-23-2005, 11:07 AM
Deer Kill 17,000
(that's attrocious!)
New Vaccine To Contain Rabies
(what were they thinking?)
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
(thats nasty)
President of Company says "Stud Tires Out"
Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
(thats gotta hurt)
Bridge Held Up By Red Tape
(is it safe?)
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
(i didnt know that!)
Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
British Left Waffles on Falklands
(how carless of them)
Schwarzenegger Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead
(how many lies?)
New Vaccine May Contain AIDS
(worse than the rabies)
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
(its a bit cramped...)
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
(thats just plain wrong)
Hospitals Sued By Seven Foot Doctors
(they're big!!)
Expert Says Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash
(well no!)
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked By Board
(as opposed to plastic)
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
(i never knew)
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
(haha he farted)
Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
Supreme Court Rules that Murderers shall not be electrocuted twice for the same Crime
Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing
(HE CANT HEAR!!)
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(bad idea)
House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
(haha the jury is dead!)
William Kelly Was Fed Secretary
(was the secratery nice?)
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
(Oh no i drink milk!)
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
(good job i dont take the bus!)
Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
(haha!!)
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
(i hope not!)
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
(oh really)
Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over
(ouch)
NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach
Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden
Dr. Ruth to Talk About Sex With Newspaper Editors
Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
(YOUR FIRED!!)
Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon
(then my motorbike is giving a speech!)
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Lawmen From Mexico Barbecue Guests
(Im a guest!)
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies
(a whole ship?)
Two Sisters Reunite After Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter
(Women eh?)
Never Withhold Herpes From Loved One
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984
(that was kind)
Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let's Resolve to do Better
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly it May Last a While
War Dims Hope for Peace
Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
(no i just farted)
Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday
(oh no! :eek: )
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
(cause she is blind!)
Man is Fatally Slain
Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling of Isolation
chris
(that's attrocious!)
New Vaccine To Contain Rabies
(what were they thinking?)
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
(thats nasty)
President of Company says "Stud Tires Out"
Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
(thats gotta hurt)
Bridge Held Up By Red Tape
(is it safe?)
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
(i didnt know that!)
Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
British Left Waffles on Falklands
(how carless of them)
Schwarzenegger Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead
(how many lies?)
New Vaccine May Contain AIDS
(worse than the rabies)
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
(its a bit cramped...)
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
(thats just plain wrong)
Hospitals Sued By Seven Foot Doctors
(they're big!!)
Expert Says Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash
(well no!)
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked By Board
(as opposed to plastic)
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
(i never knew)
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
(haha he farted)
Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
Supreme Court Rules that Murderers shall not be electrocuted twice for the same Crime
Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing
(HE CANT HEAR!!)
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(bad idea)
House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
(haha the jury is dead!)
William Kelly Was Fed Secretary
(was the secratery nice?)
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
(Oh no i drink milk!)
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
(good job i dont take the bus!)
Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
(haha!!)
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
(i hope not!)
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
(oh really)
Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over
(ouch)
NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach
Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden
Dr. Ruth to Talk About Sex With Newspaper Editors
Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
(YOUR FIRED!!)
Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon
(then my motorbike is giving a speech!)
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Lawmen From Mexico Barbecue Guests
(Im a guest!)
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies
(a whole ship?)
Two Sisters Reunite After Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter
(Women eh?)
Never Withhold Herpes From Loved One
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984
(that was kind)
Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let's Resolve to do Better
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly it May Last a While
War Dims Hope for Peace
Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
(no i just farted)
Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday
(oh no! :eek: )
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
(cause she is blind!)
Man is Fatally Slain
Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling of Isolation
chris
NiceCarsBud
05-23-2005, 11:14 AM
that stuff sucks chris!
quteasabutton
05-23-2005, 11:18 AM
isn't there a quality control or an editor whose job is to double check these for alternative meanings and possible misinterpretations? :lol2: makes for amusing reads tho!
YogsVR4
05-23-2005, 12:44 PM
A great list that pops up a few times a year
WickedNYCowboy
05-23-2005, 02:08 PM
LOL Pretty good!
Ridenour
05-23-2005, 03:17 PM
OMG there are some that are funnier then hell! :)
clawhammer
05-23-2005, 03:49 PM
:lol: They were all great.
crayzayjay
05-23-2005, 04:04 PM
Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling of Isolation
:lol2:
:lol2:
drewh4386
05-23-2005, 04:17 PM
What the hell was all that about?
"drewh4386 just posted in thread titled
"Funny stuff: newspaper headlines"
(did he really?)
:rofl:
"drewh4386 just posted in thread titled
"Funny stuff: newspaper headlines"
(did he really?)
:rofl:
95cord
05-24-2005, 07:59 AM
Bridge held up by red tape
:lol:
I would have liked to read that story
:lol:
I would have liked to read that story
Tony Stewart Fan
05-24-2005, 08:52 AM
Those are pretty funny. I needed a luagh this morning. thanks for posting that.
thecackster
05-24-2005, 12:21 PM
Every one thought i was losing it laughing at my computer!
NiceCarsBud
05-24-2005, 12:47 PM
hey cackster, nice avatar!
NiceCarsBud
05-24-2005, 12:48 PM
hey cackster, nice avatar!
hks_kansei
05-25-2005, 06:51 AM
hey NiceCarsBud, you are the first person i've seen with an E-Stutter.
(joking about your double post)
the very last headline is the strangest...... "chris"
sorry, i've been laughing at stupid shit all day.
(joking about your double post)
the very last headline is the strangest...... "chris"
sorry, i've been laughing at stupid shit all day.
The Third One
05-25-2005, 02:13 PM
nice ones you.my fav was...bah cant be bothered to pic.
SeXy_AnGeL
05-25-2005, 04:29 PM
I only read a few...we need to cut back on these long lists but the ones i read were kinda funny...
caviman69
05-26-2005, 02:11 PM
i thought they were pretty funny. That was a good laugh
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