Anyone else got some telemarketer stories?

So, my phone rang before, and it was a telemarketer offering me a *free* mobile phone on a plan of just $29 a month. After they explained it, and I made myself sound intrested, the conversation went a bit like this...

Me: "So, you are offering me a free mobile phone, on a plan of just $29 a month"
Them: "Yes, thats right, just $29 a month"
"So, if the mobile is free, how about you send me the mobile phone, and I will use my own sim card and forget about your plan.."
"Sorry sir, thats not quite how it works..."
"But you said the mobile is free, meaning I wouldn't need to pay for it in any way"
"Yes, thats right, you just pay for the plan"
"Well, in that case, why can't you send me just the phone?"
"Because the mobile is free, with the contract"
"I thought you said there was no contracts"
"Thats right sir"
"But you just said the mobile is free with a contract"
"Im sorry, I meant with the plan"
"Well, I am going to be completely honest with you right now"
"Ok..."
"I am not intrested in your crappy plan, but will you send me the mobile itself free of charge?"
"No, sorry sir..."
"I think you misunderstood me, I said you WILL send me the mobile free of charge"
"Im sorry, as I said, we can't do that"
*Put on hold*
"Hello, this is the supervisor speaking"
"Hi, I was just talking about my offer"
"Your offer, sir?"
"Yes, I would like to take your crappy mobile, use it for the next 6 months making unlimited calls, which you pay for, then at the end of it all, i'll give you my opinion on your crappy phone"
"Im sorry, we have a set offer which is a free mobile on a $29 a month plan"
"Well I am not intrested in that offer"
"May I ask why not?"
"Because of the abuse I have gotten from you and your employees"
"Abuse, sir?"
"Yes, I believe you called me a greasy Australian"
"I did not, sir..."
"Well, I am not intrested dispite this abuse"
"We might have another offer you might like a bit better"
"Are you trying to offer me drugs?"
"ehhh...."
"I get it now, your mobile offers are just a front, you are really drug dealers"
"No sir, we don't take part in any illegal activities here at mobile choice"
"Then I have no business with you"
"Then I believe we have nothing to offer you"
"Then why are you still speaking to me...?"
*Click, hangs up*

I usually just listen out their offer and let them down gently, just like I do ugly women, but I just couldn't help myself, needed a bit of a laugh.

Anyone else got any stories like this?

I like to let them say their entire scripted speach... and saying "uh huh..." and "oh yeah?" ...

then when they're done. Telling them no thank you.


If they're going to waste my time, I'll waste theirs.

hahaha, top shit.

Only one I have is me and the missus were in the middle of 'getting down', and the phone rings. Expecting it to be one of my mates, I answer the phone with "This better be good I'm f*cking the missus"
To which the voice on the other end of the phone replys, "I'm sorry sir, This is Cathy from telstra. I'll call back later". But the never did....wonder why?
Later, Troy.

I hang up on the bastards.

I hit on them.

:lol:

i should try that :D

Get in a fight with your friend, wife, parents, or somebody else and threaten to kill them and such, then say something to the extent of "hold on while I go take care of this fucking bitch", then either shoot a real gun(only advised outside with a cordless phone) or play music really loud that sounds like a gun into the phone. Then if they are still there talk to them.(convince them you killed somebody)

Back before the federal "do not call" list, I always enjoyed asking them to hold on for a minute, and putting the phone down and going back to what I was doing.

And checking the phone a few minutes later to see if they'd hung up yet.

Repeat as necessary.


Also, all those offers you get in the mail with postage paid response? Mail them back empty, let the bastards pay postage for nothing.

-This is (name of organization) we are conducting a quick survey on your experience with us, do you have time to go through it?
-Why of course, do you have time to listen?
-Certainly sir
And before they can say another word, complain about anything and everything apart from your experience with that company.

Messing with telemarketers is fun because they are not allowed to hang up on customers. Same with technical support, use this to your advantage but none of you bastids better call HP and get me!!!

What's your number?

Back before the federal "do not call" list, I always enjoyed asking them to hold on for a minute, and putting the phone down and going back to what I was doing.

And checking the phone a few minutes later to see if they'd hung up yet.

Repeat as necessary.


Also, all those offers you get in the mail with postage paid response? Mail them back empty, let the bastards pay postage for nothing.
:lol:

I wish they had a do not call list in the UK, the shit is really tiresome.

Canadian citizens only...

:lol:

I wish they had a do not call list in the UK, the shit is really tiresome.
Just found one :)

http://www.tpsonline.org.uk/tps/

that is some funny stuff



My brother is a telemarketer. He gets shit all the time.

I answer and sound real frantic for them to hold on a minute, then I go watch TV or something. My record is 45 minutes before they hung up.

I never thaught of making them wait on hold forever. I will try that sometime

whenever they call me i make it sound like im masturbating while talking to them, they'll be like excuse me sir are you ok? ill just go ohh keep talkin dirty lol good stuff

Once one called asking if I would like to switch over to this long distance plan and I simply said no thanks, but I am interesting in selling my truck. I went into a 5 minute description of the truck and kept trying to sell it to them insisting that they needed it, they eventually hung up.

I have a few here goes one, went something like this

Him: Hi may I speak with Abel (my father in law)
Me: yes please hold (waited about 2min then Past phone to brother in law)
Brother-in-law: Hello
Him: Hi, Abel?
Brother-in-law: oh abel, hold on (hold for 2 min past phone to his brother)

(Well to make this post short I'll skip the rest of the conversation and give a summary, we past the phone to 4 diff people all of us made him hold on, then passed the phone to another person (not abel of course)It end with me and I ended it like this)

Me: hello sir
him: yeah (sound like he was getting upset)
Me: Sorry but, abel had to much to drink and is really drunk (brother in law yelling in the back ground playing drunk)
Him: (laughs) Ok I'll call later
never called again

I like to keep switching languages with them

Me: ?Alo?

Them: Oh, hold on a minute

Them: Hola senor

Me: What did you say?

Them: Ay, lo siento

Them: Ok sir, this should be better

Me: Que hablas?

Keep going as necessary. Spanish class IS good for something :lol:

"Good morning, sir, can we have 5 minutes of your time?"
"Of course, how much will you pay for it?"

Since I have cable internet, my modem is free. There is a phone line connected to the modem. I like to turn the modem on while they are on the line. "BEEP. BUZZZZZ, BEEP BEEP". They always hang up. :smile:

A good one a while back was when I had some company call me and ask if I was interested in buying a mountain bike. My response was you dirty sob's how dare you call me, I DON'T HAVE ANY LEGS!!!!! Then the guy was like really, well i'm very sorry sir, but we also offer a bike that is ment to be pedeled with your hands. So I let him go through his speach and then I'm like yeah that would be great but are you gonna carry my ass down from my 4th story apartment and then bring me back up? No sir I'm sorry we can't do that. Well how the fuck am I supposed to get to the liquor store? Goddamn this cruel world I'm gonna go kill myself. Then he goes "have a goodnight sir." That was prolly one of thes best ones. Peace-