I dont give a SHI!

I feel like I am going crazy, I am so tired of my dad. I have been through so much crap with him. Leukemia, and all, he isnt happy with my wanting an old BMW. He says im stressing over nothing, he doesnt understand. We are having this STUPID party right now with his people from work, and I am so tired of this. He thinks life is just about money, its not. I am drunk so please, dont think im crazy. I am just losing it quick here. I miss my mom. She died when i was 15, she understood me. I dont know what to do. I used to think life was so easy. Now I have to try and impress my dad, by telling him I am so sure that I want to be a nurse, when I dont know what I want to do. I am 19 years old. I am so tired of him pushing me to be better than I really am. When I was sick and at MD anderson in texas, I met SO many people who couldnt afford their medical bills, people who lost their homes because they were sick, people who couldnt afford to live, much less everything I have. I am so lucky, yes, but its not everything. I so want to run now, and escape this trap I am in. I am so sick of people expecting me to be perfect. I cant take everyone waiting to laugh when I fall on my face. This is old, and i dont know what to do anymore. I went to work and bought my car, I am gay, my bf helped me pay for the repairs, and i worked hard for my car. My dad didnt buy this one like my last one. I want to get away from asking him for everything. He EXPECTS me to ask him for help. People think I am a joke, like im, "poor sick stephen, who has to ask his dad to pay for everything" Daddy says im crazy, but i KNOW its what people think of me. Im not sick anymore, Im better, why does it have to be like this. Anyways, I am so sorry for dumping this all on you guys, dont ask why im posting this, i will probably regret it tomorrow when im sober, then again ill probably wonder what the hell i was thinking.