Vaseline...

A little boy gets up one morning and goes downstairs to see his grandma who was fixing breakfast for the family. He asks, "has mom and dad come downstairs yet?" The grandma says "no they haven't."

The boy eats his breakfast and goes outside to play. He's out there for a while then comes in for lunch. He asks his grandma, "has mom and dad come downstairs yet?" The grandma says "no they're still upstiars in their bedroom."

The boy eats his lunch and goes outside for a couple of hours then comes back in. He asks his grandma, "has mom and dad come downstairs yet?" The grandma says, "no they haven't, why do you keep asking?"

The boy grins and says, "last night dad came into my room looking for vaseline....I gave him super glue."

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A man and woman had been married for several years. The man had a bad habit though of farting in bed in the morning. The woman got tired of it and said, "honey if you don't stop you're gonna fart your guts out someday." The man told the woman she was crazy and didn't know anything.

Well early Thanksgiving morning the woman was gutting the turkey. When she was done she saw the bowl full of guts and decided to fool her husband. She slipped upstairs and poured the guts in his boxers. She went downstairs and waited.

All of a sudden she heard a loud scream and a whole lot of noise upstairs. The woman was rolling with laughter.

Her husband came downstairs later and she had such a hard time trying to keep the laughter in.

Her husband finally said, "honey, you were right, after all these years I finally farted my guts out, but with the grace of God, these two fingers and some vaseline, I think I got them all back in there!"

2nd one - :rofl:

OMG....*shaking head in laughing disgrace....*

^ :1: :lol:

That's so wrong...

Herd #2 before. Both are funny!!!!

Lol

:lol: Extremely funny, but very disgusting.

Buahahahahahhhahahahaha, phenominal.

2 is so.....*ewwww* :lol:

MORE VASELINE!!! A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.
The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"
"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HAHAHA :lol:

HEHEHEHEHE !!! on the one from drew !!! :rofl:

Drew's = :repost:

AAAAH!!!! Awesome! I'd heard #2. Very very very very very very very wrong. Loved drews.

:rofl: :lol:

Those are all great.

I've actually heard of drew's before, but its still awesome. :D