The Homeless Man...
tonioseven
04-07-2005, 05:05 PM
Kirk was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. Kirk took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Kirk asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" Kirk asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" Kirk asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said Kirk, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife Kim."
The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
Kirk replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex."
:icon16:
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Kirk asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" Kirk asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" Kirk asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said Kirk, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife Kim."
The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
Kirk replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex."
:icon16:
Raz_Kaz
04-07-2005, 05:10 PM
Ha!
crayzayjay
04-07-2005, 05:12 PM
:rofl:
Cyprus106
04-07-2005, 07:17 PM
beautiful!
93rollaracer
04-07-2005, 08:14 PM
:lol2:
jmrev
04-07-2005, 08:27 PM
haha!!!
-Davo
04-07-2005, 08:36 PM
haha yeah, I've read that a few times, not on here I don't think...
Good shit.
Good shit.
FormulaLT1
04-07-2005, 09:08 PM
:rofl: LMAO, thats awesome, I haven't seen that one before
blues02TA
04-08-2005, 04:32 AM
:lol: That's definitely a good one... probably even funnier if you're a married man reading it.
dugie6551
04-08-2005, 08:46 AM
:jump3:
Tonio .. you're posting better jokes and Raz is posting worse ones.
*the earth just reversed orbit ... where were you when it happened?*
Tonio .. you're posting better jokes and Raz is posting worse ones.
*the earth just reversed orbit ... where were you when it happened?*
fredjacksonsan
04-08-2005, 03:16 PM
HAHAHAHAHAAAA! Great one. :lol2:
TaNK_Em
04-08-2005, 03:29 PM
Hahahahaha, Thats pretty funny.
- Kevin
- Kevin
240NIZ
04-08-2005, 03:46 PM
Funny.. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
RickwithaTbird
04-09-2005, 12:46 AM
lmao
PWRDbyUNCLEbens
04-09-2005, 01:42 AM
Ditto^^^^^^^^^^^^^
2of9
04-09-2005, 11:31 AM
hahhahhahah...owned!!! hahahah. That's a good one.
sidewayzS13
04-09-2005, 12:38 PM
im saving that one for when i get married
honda_racing101
04-09-2005, 10:43 PM
hahaha where did you find that?
mikesativa
04-13-2005, 02:39 AM
I had to save that one!!!
THE BEST HANGOVER EVER !
A man wakes up home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order.
So's the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table :
Honey, Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
Love you.
He goes to the kitchen.Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper await him.
His son is also at the table, eating.
The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious.
You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door."
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and also clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that ! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,
' HEY LADY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME ! I'M MARRIED !'"
THE BEST HANGOVER EVER !
A man wakes up home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order.
So's the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table :
Honey, Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
Love you.
He goes to the kitchen.Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper await him.
His son is also at the table, eating.
The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious.
You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door."
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and also clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that ! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,
' HEY LADY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME ! I'M MARRIED !'"
goldz28
04-13-2005, 06:28 AM
Thats great
Oz
04-13-2005, 07:23 AM
Gold, Jerry, Gold! Mike Sativa what a mad name.
95cord
04-13-2005, 07:47 AM
That was good, got to show my wife. :lol:
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