I'm Sad..Remembering the Past..

So i'm just surfing the web, and i go to one of my old music folder...back when i used to download.. And man do some songs bring you back, it always triggers my sadness, and memories of times that where, well..SAD..

In particular, from like oct 02 to like aug 04 it's been crazy. Yeah good things have happened, like me finally getting my own car in which i saved up for..but along the way in that timespan, there was so much depression. In that time my mother was in and out of the hospital, shes been through the works with hospitals, life threatening surgery's...forget it. Basically me and my old bro have grown up on our own, nothing worse then coming home from school and not know if your mother was gonna die or not. I remember in 10th grade i started crying in class and had to run out of there because i was so sad.

From like oct 02 to oct 03 i had the biggest crush on this girl, we where friends and all...it was pretty much a working relationship, she knew i kinda liked her and such. Anyway, long story short i should have asked her out cause she hooked up with some guy, and that made me sad. In that time, i also lost like 70lbs because i was sick of myself...and dieted like mad to lose weight (i did it normally/just diet and exercise).

Another thing i'll never forget was being at my managers wedding, she was the best girl i ever met, we where great friends. Anyway, i went to the wedding (which was on a yacht) and i remember my buddy's saying "yo whats wrong man, get up and dance"..everyone was having a good time except me. I went onto the deck and just watched the ocean's waves, thinking about my mother in the hospital..and the girl i lost out on...once again i teared up... Jan 04 the place i worked at closed down, and i literally never went back there since it closed, cause now i gained like 50lbs back, and don't wanna here all the "oh he got fat" bs..that doesn't bother me to much, it's the memories...

You wanna hear pathetic..? Yesterday i called up the store where the girl i had the crush on (and still do) just to see if she was still working there. As soon as she answered and i heard her voice, i was so damn sad man. The worst thing that happened was my uncle commiting suicide about 9 months ago...he was like a father to me and my bro, period. Our father left us when we where younger, then came back in the picture, but there is no love there..he didn't help us out at all. Even when me and my bro where alone. Remember that car i said i got...well a couple weeks after i got it i was in a major accident in which a lady blew a red light. It could have been much worse, i got my car fixed out of her insurance...but still, that was crazy.

Sorry guys, i know thats a long read..i had to vent a little. Now, life is starting to look up for me.. I finally got a full time job as an asst manager at autozone, i like my job, new friends etc. All i have to accomplish now is losing the weight. I gotta go back down to 200lbs..now i'm 260. Forget even that though, this girl i was speaking of, i cannot describe to you guys how much i think of her. Ever since i seen her, and told her she was beautiful i never forgot her.

Lol, PS i'm gonna turn into Ted Stroehman (ben stiller) in There's Something About Mary... Making time pass, then i'll get a PI to look her up to re-connect. Sometimes memories do not heal, they say time heals all wounds...i don't agree.

Time does heal all wounds but it doesn't mean scars are not left behind...

And the music thing, I know. I just got Ares and downloaded songs. Dang, some of the somgs brought back such memories from the time they came out.

It's crazy, especially looking at when the song was created..and seeing dates that you rememeber.. Like this one song, "my december" by linkin park. I remember downloading that the night before i slid on black ice, and almost drove my car through a store. I knocked down a couple signs, and the car was wrecked. Lol, the cop that night thought i was drunk..i told him to test me out and he was like, no i understand.

Honestly, the reason for that..i just came off a 13 hour shift...plus like i said, i was on a diet..and running on 0...

BTW, i'll never forget walking a good 2 miles home in the snow because i was literally in shock of what just happened.. What if someone was standing there..? What i i skidded 5 feet earlier and hit that telephone poll.. I was thanking the heavens that night bro.

All i believe in now, is like what tom hanks says at the end of "Castaway"..

Tomorrow is a new day..the sun WILL rise..

I'm the same way man. I'll hear certain songs and it will take me back to a particular time and place. Get's me sad, but only because the times I usually remember were so great.

Yah songs bring back memories..........sometimes good sometimes bad. Theres some songs that remind me of the first band I was in...and others that remind me of my grandpa dying.

I'm the same way man. I'll hear certain songs and it will take me back to a particular time and place. Get's me sad, but only because the times I usually remember were so great.

I agree....i had a song the bring back to France 2004.....that was probably the best trip i ever had....But it also make me feel sad....since my friends that were on that trip together are now pretty much all apart....

man some songs just f'ing KILL ME!!! I DEFINATELY know how you feel... Counting Crows - Mr. Jones... that one gets me, but my big kicker was me exs and my song. it was my favorite song of all time, which is saying something considering I literally LOVE over 100 songs and i swear to you i know 98% of the words to almost each one. I kid you not... Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl. I sat down to eat the other day at a restaurant and that came on, I thought I was fine, i'd been ok for months but it just set me off. I left a 20 for a basket of shit food and just left. took 1 bite of the burger. Bad shit happens a lot, and i kind of noticed that it doesn't always get better, shit still hasn't gotten better for me, but man I've had some DAMNED good times... I mean best times of my life in recent months, and that's what I live for. Laughing, movies, music, friends, stupidity... Having good fun and creating a lot of hilarious, crazy and ridiculous memories.