Couple Funny Jokes
-GS-
03-17-2005, 06:06 PM
WARNING: SOME MAY BE REPOSTS
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an air force Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
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A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he
notices his oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look
and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the
nearest town and he pulls into the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk
around town. He sees an ice cream shop and being a penguin
in Arizona decides that something cold could really hit the
spot.He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down
to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to
eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream , he goes back to the gas
station and asks the mechanic if he found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and says, "it looks like you blew a seal."
"No no", exclaims the penguin. "its just ice cream."
(THIS is by far my favorite one :lol: )
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So this guy works at a pickle factory.
And after work, he comes home to his wife and says that He really wants to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
His wife is shocked and tells him to go see a psychiatrist
But he refuses, saying that He probably wouldn't have the urge again
3 weeks later, he goes home to his wife and says,
"honey...I got the urge again"
wife: "you didn't!"
husband: "I did..."
wife: "you put your penis in the pickle slicer?!"
husband: "yes..."
wife: "well...what happened?!"
husband: "I got fired..."
wife: "No, no, what happened with the pickle slicer???"
husband: "oh...she got fired too..."
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A girl walks into a Supermarket and buys
1 Bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving of a frozen dinner
Guy at the checkout stand checks her out and says "Single, are you?"
the girl flutters her eyelashes, smiles and replies.."How did you guess?"
He repiles, "Because you're fucking ugly".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
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Little Johnny's neighbor has just had a little boy. The only problem is that the baby doesn't have any ears. Everyone who comes to see the baby compliments the woman on it's looks, but no one mentions the fact that it doesn't have any ears.
Suddenly, the Mother sees Little Johnny coming over from next door. She becomes very worried because she thinks that he is going to make fun of the baby.
When he enters the house, he compliments the baby on everything without mentioning its' ears. Without warning, he says," he has beautiful eyes, does he have 20/20 vision?"
So she thanks him and asks why.
Finally he says,"Well, it's a damn good thing because if he didn't, he wouldn't have fucking thing to hang his glasses on now would he?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an air force Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
--------------------------------------------------------------
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he
notices his oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look
and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the
nearest town and he pulls into the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk
around town. He sees an ice cream shop and being a penguin
in Arizona decides that something cold could really hit the
spot.He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down
to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to
eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream , he goes back to the gas
station and asks the mechanic if he found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and says, "it looks like you blew a seal."
"No no", exclaims the penguin. "its just ice cream."
(THIS is by far my favorite one :lol: )
----------------------------------------------------------------------
So this guy works at a pickle factory.
And after work, he comes home to his wife and says that He really wants to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
His wife is shocked and tells him to go see a psychiatrist
But he refuses, saying that He probably wouldn't have the urge again
3 weeks later, he goes home to his wife and says,
"honey...I got the urge again"
wife: "you didn't!"
husband: "I did..."
wife: "you put your penis in the pickle slicer?!"
husband: "yes..."
wife: "well...what happened?!"
husband: "I got fired..."
wife: "No, no, what happened with the pickle slicer???"
husband: "oh...she got fired too..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A girl walks into a Supermarket and buys
1 Bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving of a frozen dinner
Guy at the checkout stand checks her out and says "Single, are you?"
the girl flutters her eyelashes, smiles and replies.."How did you guess?"
He repiles, "Because you're fucking ugly".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny's neighbor has just had a little boy. The only problem is that the baby doesn't have any ears. Everyone who comes to see the baby compliments the woman on it's looks, but no one mentions the fact that it doesn't have any ears.
Suddenly, the Mother sees Little Johnny coming over from next door. She becomes very worried because she thinks that he is going to make fun of the baby.
When he enters the house, he compliments the baby on everything without mentioning its' ears. Without warning, he says," he has beautiful eyes, does he have 20/20 vision?"
So she thanks him and asks why.
Finally he says,"Well, it's a damn good thing because if he didn't, he wouldn't have fucking thing to hang his glasses on now would he?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
NeonAtron
03-18-2005, 10:28 AM
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A girl walks into a Supermarket and buys
1 Bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving of a frozen dinner
Guy at the checkout stand checks her out and says "Single, are you?"
the girl flutters her eyelashes, smiles and replies.."How did you guess?"
He repiles, "Because you're fucking ugly".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
:lol::lol:
The others kinda sucked imo.
A girl walks into a Supermarket and buys
1 Bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving of a frozen dinner
Guy at the checkout stand checks her out and says "Single, are you?"
the girl flutters her eyelashes, smiles and replies.."How did you guess?"
He repiles, "Because you're fucking ugly".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
:lol::lol:
The others kinda sucked imo.
clawhammer
03-18-2005, 11:01 AM
They were all funny :lol2:
93rollaracer
03-18-2005, 12:31 PM
Those were all good...pickle slicer one kinda sucked, but wasn't too bad...OK so it was.
Partizan
03-18-2005, 12:45 PM
Haha heard most of em but their still good.
karmacae
03-19-2005, 05:09 PM
ha ha
ThatRoundHeadedKid
03-19-2005, 08:11 PM
few were tacky otherwise good
SniperX13
03-19-2005, 11:24 PM
Im going to side with you on this one, that one about the penguin is classic!
jcsaleen
03-19-2005, 11:39 PM
ya a lil tacky but a slight lol...
RickwithaTbird
03-20-2005, 12:21 AM
I like the penguin one. good jokes, escept the pickle slicer. It needs a better ending.
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