A few jokes

A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open.

A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right breast is hanging out."

As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out.

When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Well, your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus!"

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A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons.

She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Todd, the Wall-Mart Manager, runs out to turn the horse off.

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A blonde walks into an electronics store, and sees a TV she likes.

She finds a salesman and says. "I'd like to buy this TV."

He says, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

So she leaves, and comes back a week later with her hair dyed brown.

Again the salesman says, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde, being very frustrated, waits a few more weeks, and comes back as a dyed red head.

but once again she is told, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

So the blonde says, "My hair is Red now, how could you possibly know I'm a blonde?"

The salesman replies, "Because this is a microwave, not a TV."

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Did you hear about the dyslexsic pimp who bought a warehouse?

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Battery and some fireworks were walking down the street drunk and being abusive. A copper arrested them but only one was charged and the other was let off

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A Twig and a bra walk into a bar, the twig goes and orders the drinks, Im not serving you 2 says the bartender, why not asks the Twig, Well says the bartender, your out your tree and your mate is off his tits.

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl
to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there the husband tells his wife:" Listen, this guys an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain,do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong honey, I love you."

To which the wife responds:

"He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

Be strong honey .. I love you too."

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A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to
continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a
nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four
hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four
hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms
certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is
the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that
the hotel has an Olympic sized pool and a huge conference
center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them." the man complains. "Well, they are
here, and you could have." explains the manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows
for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New
York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here." the manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows." complains the man
again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have." the manager replies.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies,
"But we didn't use it!"

The manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.
The mnager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"
he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping
with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the mnager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

:thumbsup:

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Did you hear about the dyslexsic pimp who bought a warehouse?

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The only joke that was laughable


Good job

:lol:, I found a couple of them pretty funny.

I like the last one :lol:

:rofl: I like that last one too.

Me three. I like the last one.

:lol:

All of em were pretty good. It's almost like the tide of bad jokes on AF is changing.

I like em

good ones

caugh








haha








caugh










:lol: