Dumbasses and their cars

We all know that "special" someone who has no business looking at cars, let alone working on or driving them. I know this dumb guy that's always topping his stupidity from the day before, just wondering what y'all put up with. Not really a joke, but it's funny, until you see 'em working one someone elses brakes.

This guy has 2 cars, although one may have been junked as I havn't seen it in 4 months. One is a volkswagen jetta, the other is a dodge spirit. He's always going on and on about how fast his jetta is. I know they do have to capability of being quick, but he rebuilt his engine because he thought it was losing power. Before rebuilding it, it ran fine, had some power, and didn't burn any noticable oil. After the rebuild, it misses and idles eratically, can't even chirp the tires when turning a corner, and shoots blue smoke all the time (with a HUGE cloud when starting it). He burned up two clutches in a 9 month period, and lost two gears (reverse and second). Havn't seen the jetta around in a while, he said he can't drive it since it doesn't have 2nd or reverse.

His other car is a dodge spirit. He's "just driving it till the jetta's fixed". He blew the head gasket out while revving the engine at 6,000 RPM in the parking lot (to impress everyone). While replacing it, he painted the valve cover red using a special paint because (I'm not kidding), "it adds 5-10 horsepower". He polished the OUTSIDE of the intake manifold. He left the timing belt cover off to reduce the weight of the car. He brought it into class one day because it was running bad and started hard. He said he checked the timing twice, had his dad check it, and had his brother check it. He couldn't find the timing marks in class. The timing was off, I think, 30 degrees.

He brought his dad's van in because it was running rough. He wanted to start by checking the timing. We work in groups of at least two, his partner did everything up to connecting and using the timing light. his partner wouldn't lay down on the ground to watch the timing marks, so he explained it to adam (the dumbass). He couldn't figure out the timing light, so his partner explained it to him again. He went and asked someone else for help. Still didn't get it, so he asked 3 more people and then me. I ended up doing it for him. He had 43 degrees total advance at 2,500 RMP (base, mechanical, and vacuum). I told him the timing was fine, so what did he do? He got it turned down to 32 degrees. Then he looked at the driveshaft. The rear U-joint was missing the bearings on one side (so he said, I didn't waste more time looking). At cleanup time, he disassembled (literally... removed the internal components) the timing light, and just left it sitting out.

Damn where did you find that guy?

Recomend him getting some proffecional help, not for the car but for himself. This guy definitely needs it. Fucktard.

Believe it or not, I "found him" in a two year auto tech program. He's the kind that just follows you around. Luckily, he can't hold a job. I'd be very concerned about customer safety if he did any brake, electrical, or fuel work.

Believe it or not, I "found him" in a two year auto tech program. He's the kind that just follows you around. Luckily, he can't hold a job. I'd be very concerned about customer safety if he did any brake, electrical, or fuel work.


I wouldn't let him pump my gas, nevermind anything that takes a degree or a common understanding of, well anything.

:nono:

I want to meet the Genius who sold the 5 to 10 horsepower paint to this guy. Pooooor Fella.

He polished the OUTSIDE of the intake manifold.


:lol2:

Holy shit I lost it there...haha gadamn. I'll bet he got one hell of a gain off that, shit, it's better than forced induction!!!

ill be doing a 2yr tech program my junior and senior year... i hope i dont any dumbasses in my class :confused:

guy in my auto class got accepted for a loan recently. he was looking at s2000s and found one mostly stock, custom yellow, carbon spoiler. around 19,000. goes up to buy it and they are replacing the clutch so he cant get it now. they also have a 1990 skyline GTS there for 19,000. what does he do? comes home and next day in school drives up with his shiny new 2nd gen ford probe. not only that but he beats the shit out of it so much the second day after he got it a check engine light popped on. he is the most retarted person i have ever met

wow that guy...is.....i have no words to explain how much of an idiot he is...unbelieveable. :chair:

um... that was like so freakin long .. so i didnt read it ... u might be wondering y did i post a reply then... well i dont kno that myself:licka:

This dude that works with my wife is in high school....well on the last full day of school for this year he left his car running, the whole day.....well its an 80 olds and from running all day the main power wire going to the fuse box melted and shorted out with another wire and the chassis, now instead of fixing it, he ghetto rigged it and ran the power to the fuse block somehow, now whenever he turns the car off, a fuse blows. so last payday, he cashes his check goes down to the auto parts store and buys $30 worth of fuses.......and he showed her the fuses he got for his car a big 40oz plastic drink cup full of fuses....i thought it was funny thought i would share

This dude that works with my wife is in high school....well on the last full day of school for this year he left his car running, the whole day.....well its an 80 olds and from running all day the main power wire going to the fuse box melted and shorted out with another wire and the chassis, now instead of fixing it, he ghetto rigged it and ran the power to the fuse block somehow, now whenever he turns the car off, a fuse blows. so last payday, he cashes his check goes down to the auto parts store and buys $30 worth of fuses.......and he showed her the fuses he got for his car a big 40oz plastic drink cup full of fuses....i thought it was funny thought i would share
__________________________________________________ __________
Don't laugh too loud, but the wiper switch in my 89 Dodge Van started blowing fuses in intermittent mode. Van has tilt wheel; removal to get to stalk and replace switch is major operation. So I bought a couple dozen fuses, use one as a switch (pull up one end to turn wipers off, push down into clip to turn on) until it blows, then just pop in a new one. Has been getting me by for six months; my passengers wonder why I open the glovebox lid when it starts to rain (incidentally, I Rain-X the windshield and so don't have to use the wipers until rain gets really heavy)

that guy is gonna make it possible for his mechanic to afford a trip to hawaii.....i hate dumbasses.

We all know that "special" someone who has no business looking at cars, let alone working on or driving them. I know this dumb guy that's always topping his stupidity from the day before, just wondering what y'all put up with. Not really a joke, but it's funny, until you see 'em working one someone elses brakes.

This guy has 2 cars, although one may have been junked as I havn't seen it in 4 months. One is a volkswagen jetta, the other is a dodge spirit. He's always going on and on about how fast his jetta is. I know they do have to capability of being quick, but he rebuilt his engine because he thought it was losing power. Before rebuilding it, it ran fine, had some power, and didn't burn any noticable oil. After the rebuild, it misses and idles eratically, can't even chirp the tires when turning a corner, and shoots blue smoke all the time (with a HUGE cloud when starting it). He burned up two clutches in a 9 month period, and lost two gears (reverse and second). Havn't seen the jetta around in a while, he said he can't drive it since it doesn't have 2nd or reverse.

His other car is a dodge spirit. He's "just driving it till the jetta's fixed". He blew the head gasket out while revving the engine at 6,000 RPM in the parking lot (to impress everyone). While replacing it, he painted the valve cover red using a special paint because (I'm not kidding), "it adds 5-10 horsepower". He polished the OUTSIDE of the intake manifold. He left the timing belt cover off to reduce the weight of the car. He brought it into class one day because it was running bad and started hard. He said he checked the timing twice, had his dad check it, and had his brother check it. He couldn't find the timing marks in class. The timing was off, I think, 30 degrees.

He brought his dad's van in because it was running rough. He wanted to start by checking the timing. We work in groups of at least two, his partner did everything up to connecting and using the timing light. his partner wouldn't lay down on the ground to watch the timing marks, so he explained it to adam (the dumbass). He couldn't figure out the timing light, so his partner explained it to him again. He went and asked someone else for help. Still didn't get it, so he asked 3 more people and then me. I ended up doing it for him. He had 43 degrees total advance at 2,500 RMP (base, mechanical, and vacuum). I told him the timing was fine, so what did he do? He got it turned down to 32 degrees. Then he looked at the driveshaft. The rear U-joint was missing the bearings on one side (so he said, I didn't waste more time looking). At cleanup time, he disassembled (literally... removed the internal components) the timing light, and just left it sitting out.

to much reading......jeeze

"he painted the valve cover red using a special paint because (I'm not kidding), "it adds 5-10 horsepower"

:screwy:

"he painted the valve cover red using a special paint because (I'm not kidding), "it adds 5-10 horsepower"

:screwy:


I wonder if it adds 5-10 HP for each coat you put on. If so i need some too.


lolol

I've got a friend that somehow managed to graduate from a two year auto tech program. The other day this guy was looking at a blower in a catalog. It said it was for a dual quad setup. He asked me if I knew how to put two four cylinder engines into a car. He was serious when he asked me too. I'm not kidding. It's pretty sad.

ill be doing a 2yr tech program my junior and senior year... i hope i dont any dumbasses in my class :confused:

i did the same thing. junior/senior year (got highest grade in my class).
did this at career and technology center in MD. i had retarded people in my class also. one in particlular knew nothing about cars, snorted drywall dust(almost got expelled), ate a dead sicada, and smoked weed in one of the cars we had there

I've got a friend that somehow managed to graduate from a two year auto tech program. The other day this guy was looking at a blower in a catalog. It said it was for a dual quad setup. He asked me if I knew how to put two four cylinder engines into a car. He was serious when he asked me too. I'm not kidding. It's pretty sad.

Why do you think LS1s are so great? It's really a DOUBLE VTEC!!!11one :lol2:

A friend of mine thought he knew everything about cars because his dad was building a 41 willy's gasser. He went install a new battery in his car at school one day, and i hear across the shop "GODDAMMIT!!!!! if this fucking thing shocks me one more time i'm gonna kill someone" I walk over to observe what he's doing and the genious connected the - harness first and while attaching the + harness he keep hitting the frame with the wrench. And then tells me to do it after i laugh at him. I connect the + first then the - and without touching the frame mind you. He just walked away like a retard.

Batteries tend to confuse wanna be mechanics. My "auto tech" friend was trying to help my dad with the '51 Plymouth Cranbrook a few weeks ago. He hooked up the battery backwards because he didn't realize it was a positive ground system. It didn't hurt anything though, so it's all good.

btw:
:lol: Double VTec. :lol:
Nice, Flatlander. Nice.

Damn where did you find that guy?

:lol: yea I'd like to know... So as to stay away...