Why do i do it...

:( :( Hi everyone, lifes strange isent it. One day your the happies guy in the world and live a near perfect life. Then next day, you feel you have nothing left. Nothing matters anymore, everything you wanted is now changed with out any thing you can do about it. I'v had this type of feeling and i know acouple of u guys are going through it right now too.

But what can one do about it... I still have my life, my health, my friends, i have nothing but a bright and happy future to look foward to. Every day i wonder am i realy that shallow and selfish of a person that i hold myself back, and do nothing but hold on to the pass. or what ever little thread of hope i have left. I hate being such a sentimental person, and even though i tell everyone im okay and i have moved on, and im looking out for myself now. I'm realy not. i dont know if anyone you guys remember the story about me and my ex, but i dont know if the situation is getting anybetter or worst for me.

I think my curent situation is alot like ldelaysionl's problem. I know exacly what i have to and should do. i give ppl advice all the time, yet i find my self not takeing my own advice. :bloated: This had been going on for well over 2 months now. She calls me like everyday, i think i talk to her more than they guys she is "kinda" seeing. She tells me she stresses over me alot, yet she is seeing someelse "kinda" according to her. And im the last person she talks to just about everynight. She ask me to go over sometimes, and other times i want to go over. and everytime i see her i hold her like theres no tomorrow. her friends have no ideal i see her still and talk to her, this guy shes "kinda" seeing has no ideal i still exist everyday in her life. WHen im comfurting her and he calls my heart skips a beat and im hit with reality, she hangs him up and acts as if he never disturbed us at all.

:( I am complietly lost... i am never gona understand why females need to do this to. Some do this to feel wanted, important, adventures, i have no need for such insecure girls. yet i find my self running to her every call. I know nothing good can come of her anymore for me, but the fact that she has so much sentimental value to me holds me to her in an insain bind of blindness.

Even though iv dated acouple of girls, and meet alot of ppl. I cant picture anything real with anyone. I feel i must hurt anothers feelings to get back what was lost to me. But that would go agenst everthing i feel about love. and once again im back to nothing.(in my mind atleast) I'm not the one to go out and try to build my rap sheet saying ive been with more girls then i have fingers. Is it just a fantacy of mine to meet that one person and fall in love with them forever, never needing another, being truly happy and fullfilled. Or is it just life telling me trial and error, trial and error. nothings perfect, u have to jump out there with both feet and just let it happond.

Dam it this sux.... just alot on my mind and felt like writing some of it out, people tell me i have enough drama in my life i can write a movie about it. Maby that will be in the works one day who knows;) thankx for the time...

:( :) :sun: :flash:

Welcome to this game we call life.