Drama

Alright, I need some advice. I have never been in a situation like this before, and I don't even know what to do.
So to make a very long story shorter (though it'll still come out long :) ) ....
On the 27th of this month is me & my boyfriend's 1 year, 6 month anniversary (the longest relationship I've EVER had). A little background on him, I never thought I'd be with him for this long, he was into drugs and the whole 'bad' guy image. I got him to quit selling and doing all of the drugs (gave him the ultimatum of me or the drugs) about 6 months ago, and he gave them up for me. He still smokes cigarettes which I don't like (no offense to anyone who does), but I'm not asking him to quit that for me, I understand how hard it can be. See, when he and I first got together it was always him who liked me more. It's been like that throughout the whole relationship, and yes, I do--or did love him in that romantic way, but the past few months I've been seeing him in a different light. I mean, he's cool to hang around with and all, but I don't like being real close to him in the more intimate 'relationship' way. He's noticed it, and he keeps on saying, "oh, I love you so much, and I want to be with you forever" and this and that, and I'm like, "omg, I'm only 19! I don't want to be tied down like this". But every time I try to bring up even the TOPIC of us not being together, he starts getting all worried and holds on to me and says "please don't leave me, don't ever leave me...". So I have this little problem on my hands. :(
But this weekend it took a turn....a BIG turn. See, I met this one guy when I was with my current boyfriend, and I was totally into him. He's like the male version of me, and he and I get along so well, and he's one of my best friends now. He's in my car crew, and he and his girlfriend hang out with me and my boyfriend a lot. Well my friend got into an accident last week, so his car is in the shop, and he rode with me out to the street races over the weekend, and it was out there that he informed me that he's wanted to be with me ever since he first saw me. And I was like, "omg, why didn't you tell me this years ago?"
He was talking about how much he wished we were both single and this and that...
So he and I have been hanging out a LOT lately, and we talk on the phone for hours together. Now his girlfriend is my best friend's other best friend, and he told my best friend about it, and she said that if that is what would make him happy, then he should break up with her. She's been saying that he and I should get together ever since he and I first met. Last night he was helping me fix the camber on my car (the ghetto washers&bolts way ;) ), and we were over at his house until like 1am watching old videos of from when he lived in LA (we're actually both from the same town down there and never knew it), and he walked me out to my car and we sat in it talking for a while, and he was playing with my hair and stuff, and I started yawning (I have to be up at 5:30am every day for work), and he kissed me on my forehead and told me goodnight, and I drove home, and then he called me 5 minutes later and we talked until like 2:30am.
I was like, "omg, what do I do?"
I'm afraid of breaking up with my boyfriend. How do you break up with someone with the bad excuse of, "oh, my feelings changed?"
Another thing is that he owes me $2,000.00 now. I don't know if I'll get that back if I leave him. It's just compiled over time of helping him out with lending him the $500 deductable when he got in a wreck, a few car payments here and there when he couldn't, cell phone bills, etc., and he always promised he'd start paying me back. That's when I stopped it though, when it hit 2 grand. Yet another string, very firmly attached. :(
But I don't know if I really want to get with my friend (no matter how much all of my friends and the rest of me is telling me to), just because if by chance things didn't work out, I wouldn't want to lose the great friendship he and I have.
So I don't know... :( I'm totally stressing out, and I don't think that I can work it out with my boyfriend. He and I fight way too much, and even though we've had some very good times, I just have this feeling that I'm missing out on something....I've never cheated on anybody, but I'm starting to wonder what the boundaries of cheating are right now...

So does this make me a bad person?
(sorry it's so long)

I just recently left a bad situation....my ex-fiancee was a dick who had no job, mooched offa me and was a complete l00ser! He meant EVERYTHING to me...I would've done anything for him and I did...

I met Shawn, who is like you described, is the male version of myself, me and Shawn are perfect together.....

I sat down with my ex and told him(thru tears) that things weren't working, neither of us were willing to give, and we were never going to get anywhere...

It doesnt make you a bad person to get out of a dead end situation, my ex-fiancee owed me more than just 2 grand....he owed me about 2 years of my life:( (and about 5 grand)
If you are unhappy where you are currently GET OUT OF IT!!!!!!!

its not fair to YOU or him to string along like nothing is wrong!!!


I didnt care about the money, when I finally had Shawn, whom never met my ex- and knew only what he managed to get me to say, tell me that without even knowing me well, he knew that I was a very depressed girl, the next day I sat down with my ex- and broke it off.....

you have to take care of yourself!!! you aren't doing the current guy any favours, and it sounds like you aren't doing yourself any either...

as far as the new guy, shawn started as that, just a great guy that was fun to hang out with, i could talk cars with, etc..... we slowly let ourselves 'fall' into love, neither of us wanted a commitment, and needless to say I was terrified of another dead-end relationship, now we have made a commitment to each other to try our hardest to make this relationship work, we feel very strongly for each other...and I hope to marry him someday(but don't tell him that, he wants to wait a few more years until the 'ring':D )

good luck with your decision...its a very hard one...that only you can make for yourself!

Gosh, that is even worse in parts than my own situation. :( :o

I wish I could offer sound advice, but the only things that come to mind have already been listed by Vid.

Good luck, and I'll keep you in my prayers that something works out for you!

Hey thanks you guys, it really helps. I think my problems just keep on getting worse and worse though. I tried talking with my boyfriend last night, about maybe taking some time off, and he just started crying so hard (I've never heard him cry in the past 1 1/2 years), and he started begging me not to leave him. :( It makes it so hard, and I didn't sleep even 10 minutes last night (I have a midterm today as well), and I've been crying since last night. I'm at work now and I still can't stop crying, and I don't know why. I'm the one that wanted to end it, right? I just don't know why things are happening this way.

He wants to try to work it out, but I don't know if we can. I don't know what I should do. I mean, I've been set on taking some time apart, but then he goes and starts sobbing and begging me not to leave and how he can't live w/o me because he loves me so much and all.....
I tried telling him that both of us are so young and that we have huge futures ahead, but he can only see a future with me. :(

Life really sucks sometimes. :(


Thanks for listening to me vent, by the way.

Be STRONG....you might have to avoid the current man for a while....

it sucks that he's so obsessed with the 2 of you being together.....Thats what always stalled me from leaving my ex- the fear of being alone and of the UNknown....I didn't that I could make it on my own(but I did just fine!) lemme let you in on a secret: Destiny's Child's songs Survivor and the Charlie's Angels song.... any thing by Liz Phair, and other strong women's bands can be a great thing! if it wasnt for the song Survivor I prolly woulda lost it.....

if you need to talk my AIM is XVyvianX....or pm me and ill give you my phone number... keep your chin up...things will get better!;)

Well thanks you guys. :) I'm trying to get through this all. I was going to go talk to my boyfriend yesterday about taking time off, and then I found out that I was getting laid off from my job (along with 20 other people) :( So our conversation wasn't very productive. He's been getting really weird lately...he called all of my friends yesterday and was interrogating them about me-if I had said anything to them about what was happening between he and I. 2 of my best friends both said that he would act all sad and make them feel bad for him one moment, and then the next he'd be all forceful in trying to get out information. That really kind of pissed me off. And now he's calling me like every 5 minutes checking up on me, and accusing me of being somewhere I'm not because I don't pick up the phone. He called me 4 times in 10 minutes this morning while I was in the shower at 6am, and was leaving messages asking WHO I was with and WHAT I was doing and WHERE I was, I mean, hello? It's 6am and I work every Mon-Fri from 7-4, where do you think I'm going to be?!? I swear...

But I just wanted to say thanks for you all helping me feel a bit better. Life is kind of crappy for me right now, but I know that I'll get through it eventually.... :rolleyes:
I just have to get up enough guts to actually tell him that it's over, ya know? I don't want it to end on a bad note, but knowing how he is, I doubt I can avoid that. :(
Oh well...

And thanks again you guys. :)

RedY2KCivic...babe, he is trying to get at you from every angle he can to make you stay! He's cried and sobbed and given you the guilt trip....when that didn't work he's been obessively trying to find out every move you've made.

Don't give in to ANY of it! You know what u want...you have already made your decision (it seems) so be strong, stick to it, and you will be so much happier.

You're both very young - believe me, he'll be ok :)
so don't stay because you feel guilty or responsible for him in any way, ok?

He's starting to sound a bit possessive too, bit like a stalker. Believe me, that's not what you want. I've had friends in that situation and its not good, when you get checked up on every 5 minutes of the day.

Hope you can get it through to him.

I wish you the best of luck! Now if only I could make up my mind:



I may be facing a less dramatic situation shortly in slightly similar terms. I know that my b/f cares for me immensely as I care for him. However, he seems to think of showing how he feels for me in public to be the devil or something akin. Granted, I'm not a giant fan of PDA suck-face sessions, but a quick peck on the cheek or a random squeeze that isn't initiated by me would be nice. Not to mention that I've done some serious flirting with a fellow car fanatic (who belongs to another site) and even though he is still "hooking up with" his exgirlfriend he seems to get excited to see me come in and visit him at work. I even gave him my cell phone number!!! :eek: He even got playful the other day and physically bumped me around and smacked my butt with my keys!!! I don't know what to do. Sure, he may be a giant player who is only after sex or something. Or even worse, he might not be there for me like my current b/f is (especially now that I've become more depressed more often).

I just don't know.

I know how it is :(

I have been in a realationship for 4 1/2 years and I have a daughter with him....

We do nothing but fight, be rude to eachother, and such.
I met him when I was 17,and dropped out of HS when I was 18 to move to Cincy with him. Oi was I a dumb one.

So now I am an unmarried mother, with no Diploma, no job, and the car is in his name..(he paid for it (3000$), but I have put a good chunk into it too (1300$). The only reason he bought it was because he wanted me to have a car that he liked and I liked. Why else would the license plate say "QIK CHIK" f it wasn't intended to be for me? lol )

Anyhow, I know that if push came to shove and I left he would leave me high and dry. He is an obsessive worker, and works so much half the time I dont see him for more than 7 hours a week, awake. Did I meantion we live together??? 7 hours is a SAD amount of time. I am 21 years old, and feel like my life is gone. I have never had to depend on myself for anything, because he likes that I don't work, I stay at home and take care of our daughter who is 11 months.

We have talked about our problems dozens of times, and nothing ever changes. He has pulled the old " call her mom and cry..." but I really think that it's the idea of being alone that scares him...it scares me too. But, sometimes I think about what would have happened, what my life would be like if hadn't moved out with him and if I had finished school. Ohwell...I just wanted to tell you girls, you're not alone.

The situation you are in, is almost the exact same situation i was in a month ago. Everything except for the whole money situation. He was saying " i love you" repeatedly "I'll never let you go" "We'll be thogether forever" promise rings involved. "I can't wait till we move in together" heres the big one"We should get MARRIED" AAAAAHHHHH i'm only 17 but i was 16 when i was with him. I was so scared, so i started hanging out with my ex-b/f aka my best friend A LOT. Cuz he needed my emotional support in a recent break up and the only way i could relieve my stress was hanging out with him. Racing, crusing, workin on our cars. It was my only remedy. so when i finally got the balls to dump this B, three months after the scare, i was so relieved and happy i felt like a new person, it was like someone had lifted a weight from my back.

I think you should pack up and leave his A$$,
But what about the money, you say????? I would wait and stay with him until you got all of it back but while your waiting stay with your new boy and be happy. dont worry about the guilt of cheating, it will all go away after you get your money and dump him. Obviously you are in serious need for something fresh and new and obviously you have lost almost all lovy dovy feelings for this :smoker2: smoking\money taker boy. So have fun with your life i guarantee that if you have totally lost all feelings for him, in the end you will be left with a new caring, sensative, guy that is into the same things as you, non-bad boy (ie-drugs alk and that stuff) that doesnt smoke kinda guy. Its the best feeling ever. Take my advice. It comes from a person that has been through it. Best of luck.

Thank you so much you guys. I really appreciate everyone's responses, and after reading everything, I realize that my problems aren't even close to as bad as some have it. I just wanted to let you all know that I ended up getting the balls (as my buddies said I needed to do :rolleyes: ) to break up with my boyfriend-the day before our 1 year, 6 month anniversarry. It was tough, and it took 3 hours of sitting there crying and talking with him to do it, but it's done, and now I just feel so much more relieved. :) I'm spending so much more time with all of my friends in my crew, and I just feel so much happier in general. I mean, it still hurts really bad, but it's going to get better, I just know it. :)

Anyways, I just wanted to thank everyone again, and it's nice to know that there's someone there for me to listen if I need it. :)

I'm so proud of you! :D That's soooooo great that you realize that you can make it on your own! :flash:

We're always here for you, so keep us updated on how you're doing! It's so good that you have friends you can hang out with! Wow, sorry for obsessing, but really, it sounds like all of us are very strong minded women!!! :D


WE RULE!

Wow....its good it worked out for you!

I agree with tange....we are a group of very strong willed women :)