A few more jokes

Redneck fillup

A gas station in "redneck country" was trying to increase its sales so the owner put up a sign
saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for
his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and, if he guessed correctly, he
would get his Free sex. The buyer then guessed ( 8 ) and the proprietor said, "No, but you were close.
The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time, but maybe next time." Some time thereafter, the
same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free
sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The man guessed (2) this time and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close, but no
free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't
really give away free sex."
The buddy, (Bubba) replied, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."



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Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings
bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard,
so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave
if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,

"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,
starts to rub herself all over him and says

"Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else,
but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

"Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time".


============




This married couple were sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over
at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now.
Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that
since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable" the husband replies,
"I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

1. Ha
2. Ha
3. Ha

1 - meh

2 - Actual LOL

3 - Actual LOL

lol, all were funny IMO

Zing to number 2

2nd was great:lol:

#2 was best, closely followed by #3

All good :thumbsup:

:lol2::lol2::lol2:

I actually giggled at numbers 2 and 3.