Fanboy Racing 101

This was posted by easy_C over at newcelica.org.

"I've been asked to post this as a sticky. Just a little something I came up with for us to reference in the various racing threads that are posted.

fanboy racer - (fan boy ray sir) - noun - A large portion of online car enthusiasts that are sub categorized usually by the car they own, their parents own, or they dream about with their supermarket/paper route paycheck.

These little creatures are a separate entity from the regular fanboy in the effect that make claims of actually racing in the car in question. They will troll various online enthusiast communities posting such things as "my _____ is mad phast, i whooped this _______ by several car lengths." In the event that the car in question is actually owned by them, and the race actually occured, there is often misconfusion on their part as to whether they beat the opponent with an equal driver, or the car was parked outside the local pizza place when they downshifted and zoomed by, almost taking out a telephone pole.

Even though these special little guys are separate from typical fanboy, they exhibit alot of the same characteristics. Here is a few typical signs of fanboyism at work:

Magazine Racing (Mag Racing for short) - Boy do these little guys love their magazines, especially when the results of their car come out in favor against the results of the opponent car in question. They almost always stick exactly to what the magazines say, because they know that every magazine has a professional driver who learns each individual car and pushes it to the max (regardless of any manufacturer contributions ). If, for some reason, their glorious automobile doesn't fair well in a magazines testing, they quickly turn their attention to the other signs of fanboyism.

Number Racing - Can often be blended with Mag Racing. This is almost always displayed in any given fanboy racers post in some form or another. The main argument is sheerly based off numbers. Common numbers that are used are Weight, Horsepower, and Torque. Remember, fanboys don't acknowledge what a powerband is. In fact, many ask if they can add a powerband to their car.

Denial - Not all fanboy racers initiate a slew of online posts by themselves. Sometimes, you can jumpstart them with a kill thread of your own! This is when denial occurs and fanboys typically use other aspects of racing that they previously ignore. You will see various things like "that guy couldn't drive", "he wasn't racing", etc, etc. After this, alot of knowledgable and respected posters on that particular forum will come together and proceed to own the silly fanboy racer. *** Please note: Owning also ensues with threads started by the fanboy as well.

But Mod for Mod... - This symptom seems to love to instill itself into the fanboy racers with turbo vehicles and the occasional domestic V8. After being properly owned, and before they start the Just Kidding approach, they use this as a "last resort." They feel manlier exhibiting their ability to distinguish that yes, turbo vehicles adapt better to mods than N/A. Even though this is a valid argument in most cases, its taken to be common knowledge with anyone having a greater intelligence than a peanut.

The Just Joking Approach - After the fanboy racer has been properly owned and/or runs out of arguments, they suddenly post various things babbling about how they were "just kidding" or that the post was "all in good fun." The more experienced fanboy racers will start posting these type of things well before they lose the thread. This is in an attempt to save what already little reputation they have and win back a tiny amount of credibility so that they may use it in their next senseless racing post.

Ultimately, fanboy racing is a disease just like its bigger counterpart, fanboyism. It infects the weak mind of impressionable people across the country. Any age can catch it, from young teenage boys to uneducated guys to mid life crisis men. It is highly contagious and is self reliant, often thriving off other fanboyism. The only real cure is maturity and education. Unfortunately for us educated tuners, we can only educate them. It often takes about 100 ownings or so before the fanboy will start to question the integrity of their chosen car. Usually, they will ditch that car and start a new fanboy life with another one, repeating the process all over again.

We really need everyone to help these little guys. Mothers, when your son comes home from bagging groceries all day and sits at the computer after popping several zits, participate in the experience with him and expose him to other types of vehicles. Try to level out his thinking and if need be, take him out in your caravan and find the car he likes so much, then beat it.

Fathers, show your son there is more to life than peak horsepower. Educate him on the workings of an engine and its not the peak torque that accelerates the car, but the powerband of torque.

And finally, the last resort, us. We need to continue to show these guys the facts. If the race actually occurs with an outcome in their favor, kindly and politely show them the difference between beating a driver and beating a car. If you come outside of CVS and find one revving at your car, do not be alarmed. Kindly get in your car and immediately turn the hazards on. This will hopefully cause the fanboy racer to become outraged at the thought of losing and consequently cause him to take his car off the N and put it on the D then smack into the light pole in front of him (because he forgot he was in a parking lot and not a track). Then you can drive away and he will accept his loss.

That is all...."

Amusing...a few names do come to mind...

Winner...

burntrice falls under all of those.

The main argument is sheerly based off numbers. Common numbers that are used are Weight, Horsepower, and Torque. Remember, fanboys don't acknowledge what a powerband is. In fact, many ask if they can add a powerband to their car.

:lol: Classic!

Lachean..where in MD do you live? I visited your site and I know I've seen that green integra on ritchie highway before.

Funny Stuff

No shit you both live in MD? I frequented ritchie alot in summer and will again this summer after the rex comes back out.

If you come outside of CVS and find one revving at your car, do not be alarmed. Kindly get in your car and immediately turn the hazards on. This will hopefully cause the fanboy racer to become outraged at the thought of losing and consequently cause him to take his car off the N and put it on the D then smack into the light pole in front of him (because he forgot he was in a parking lot and not a track). Then you can drive away and he will accept his loss.
I love this one, there are always riced out cars behind the local CVS doing their thing.

civichb, I'm out there every friday and mostly saturday nights. check the car in my sig. You might see me out there.

that's some funny stuff vip.... keep it coming

I go to school in Towson, but am from Silver Spring. If you've been to any of the Rockville area meets, thats where you saw me. I dont race much on the road...

Fanboys...the next evolution of Ricer's :sunglasse . Late...

this really ignorant kid at school once asked me if he should add exhaust, hearders, intake, turbo kit, weight job and powerband to his car one time.

2 days later he brought a magazine to school and showed me the 'exhaust kit' he wanted to get (which was just a huge muffler for the back) and started talking about how RAW his car was going to be when he got it put in. The advertisement to the left of the picture said something like "see a drastic increase in horsepower through your powerband" and he pointed at those words and said "Yah I don't know if I want the exhaust kit to go through my powerband though"

Now I know why he didn't make any sense :)

Weight job? Add a powerband? WTF?

magazines encourage rice. There is not one import car magazine that doesn't advertise companies that produce huge coffee can mufflers and body kits out there.
I think most ricers are magazine fanboys

LONG LIVE TEH FANBOI!!! lol jk

magazines encourage rice. There is not one import car magazine that doesn't advertise companies that produce huge coffee can mufflers and body kits out there.
I think most ricers are magazine fanboys
people sell add space to whoever wil pay for it, including AF, remember the turbonaitor ads? lol.

Dampachi.......quit picking on me

i dont fall under any of those catagories because


1)my car isnt even tested on any major car mag

2)i dont race anything thats above my league which is Hyundais,,4-cyl Mustangs,Kias, and oh wait most Kia and Hyundais could beat me so there....Since my Mustang Achieves 0-60 in 9.2S(tested it myself)


nice ride you got there..The silver looks mad tight and iam hoping to get a 99+GT later this spring..I got one Q though..If i were to go to your hometown for a day or too and i pulled up beside you at a stoplight..would u be an ass to me or would u say "whats up"

go BurntRice! I like the sig! :smokin:

kinda sad that someone would take the time to write that but kinda funny...

I wouldn't say anything to you. I don't start shit with anyone. The only reason I pick on you is because you're an annoying bullshitter. And I wouldn't race you either. Even if you revved on me. And thank you..I guess my car is 'mad tight'.

what do u got detroitmuscle15? a 4-cyl mustang? if so i'll race you lol, since my truck has the same engine

he has a V-6 mustang...it would be close lol.

yeah i've raced them, and sadly, it was very close. if my fiero was running i might have a chance of winning ^^

i would rev on ya but only as a joke lol.....i dont bullshit anymore soo just chill there buddy......

Okay, don't talk shit, make things up, or act like you know it all when you don't and I'll be pretty nice to you. But the next time you post a bunch of bullshit/stupidity in one of my threads or a thread I'm posting in I'm going to jump all over your ass. Fair? And actually...if you revved on me and then took off fast...I'd probably leisurely accelerate up beside you and match your speed..then floor it totally leaving you behind. Man I love doing that.

hey lets convert every thread into a flame war between dampachi and burntrice

hey lets convert every thread into a flame war between dampachi and burntrice

I don't think it would be too hard, most of them already are...

Sorry guys, I'm going to just start ignoring him now.

well glad to now that me+u r on equal terms now.....i wont BS or talk shi*t(since when have i ever??) soo yeah once i get my GT in the spring iam gonna go to your hometown...i dont care how long of a drive it is and we can settle our rivalry once and for all.........bitch

Baltimore, MD. I noticed you live in NH..I go to Boston, MA all the time. But I don't drive, I fly. I'll definitely race you if you come here in the Spring. You can PM me when you do. I'll be sure to get someone available to video it and all so I can post it on here afterwards. Cool?


Edit: Oh yeah...if we're on "equal terms" and you want to stay on "equal terms" you better refrain from calling me any such slander, okay?

hell ya man...Is your GT stock????...Once i get my GT which should be around March-April i'll Pm ya and a few homies and i are going on a road trip this summer so i will be sure to drop by your city/town



*Edit* please dont take offence..I wanted to put a little "emotion" so i can justify in words how i felt..I dont really think your a bitch..You might act like a bitch sometimes but i dont really think your a bitch

It's stock for winter, but it's getting mods for spring/summer. Hopefully for your sake it'll still be relatively stock when you're here. By the time you're here I'll definitely have 4.10s/nitto 555s/ehxaust/xpipe/triax shortthrow shifter. And I should be running 13.6s

That was a very good read especially the various references to being "owned". I do fall under the magazine racer type though because I'm always quoting magazines.

Iam gonna have the B.P.U's....and iam going to look into some short shift kits(Steeda comes to mind).....Id say i ill be running low 14's and if iam lucky i will hopefully dip into the high 13's because i can drive stickshift like a pro(*exaderation)

basic B.P.U upgrades

=basic basic power upgrades upgrades

This is what we would call redundant

Now dampachi has decided to ignore you, I suggest you act intelligently and do the same to him

yah what the hell why don't you guys just PM each other personal things like that?
I support dampachi for calling you out on what you're doing but wtf its just getting out of hand.

yeah true......this isnt the Dampachi Vs.Detroitmuscle15/AKA Burntrice forum is it.....Well since were both on "equal terms" Dampachi will keep his piehole shut if i dont lie or BS and we can all have fun woop-woop

Glad you two finally kissed and made up. I was wondering if it would ever end :smooch: . Late...

Glad you two finally kissed and made up. I was wondering if it would ever end :smooch: . Late...

Dammit it did...there go half the amusing threads in the street racing forum

There will be someone else to antagonize Burnt. There always is and always will be. LOL. late...

Sadly it wont be me. :(

lol....the burntrice and dampachi flame war is over!.......*crow calls in the background*....................................... .......*cricket chirps in background*....................................... ......*leaves rustle*

I don't like to think of it as a flame war. It makes me sound bad. :( I prefer "Dampachis ownings of detroitmuscle/burntrice" myself.

I don't like to think of it as a flame war. It makes me sound bad. :( I prefer "Dampachis ownings of detroitmuscle/burntrice" myself.

:bigthumb: owning indeed