Just when I thought it couldn't get worse...

My ex got another DUI tonight (her second one).

She had a DUI down in Houston 2 years ago, and had to keep helping her pay for fines, and airline tickets to go do community service and visit her PO once a month (yeah, they were total assholes and wouldn't move her parole up here to WA state).

So I just got a call from her 30 minutes ago saying she wrecked her (a.k.a. MY) car into a tree and the cops were taking her to jail.

:banghead:

She also never did finish her probation requirements in Houston (because we couldn't afford to keep sending her down there), and so hopefully she won't get totally screwed for that.

why give an ex your car if she isnt insured?

also that sig blows for 56k users

Sorry to hear that Mike. Spose this is why she's the ex?

Fantastic return of the sig, btw!

Did you allow her to take that car? I hate to sound like an asshole but if she took the car without your permision then she should have to pay for everything. You can press charges and if shes on probabtion youll win the case for sure. If shes still on probation then you can be sure shes going to get into a shit load of trouble now, especially if its a repeat offence. I work with community servces (CS) all the time and I can tell you that PO's here tend to take things very seriously when it comes to repeat offences. In all honesty it would be better for your ex gf to plead guilty and hope the judge desides that she has addmited to her mistake and will only let her off with alot of CS hours.

Was that the nice civic that she wrecked?

Was that the nice civic that she wrecked?:1:
A lot of work went into it, it'd be a shame to see it all go to waste from someones carelessness.

ouch man that sucks, fuck her though. Shes stupid and careless, you bailed her out once and she didnt learn her lesson, now shes screwed you over and prolly gonna try and get you to bail her out again. Also she has a warrant for her arrest now in Texas. If you dont report to the community service, they issue you a warrant.

I'd wonder why, if she's the EX, you're putting out all this time and money, and letting her keep your car. I know that alot of folks get along with their Exes, but enough is enough!

(unless she has your children, in which case it makes sense, and oh by the way with 2 DUI's you can likely get the kids)

You'll have time to think about what you're going to do as she's going to spend jail time for this DUI especially since it violates probation. Its your money and life, but you may want to consider the way she's either taking you for granted or is knowingly screwing you over.

That sucks. Probation blows. But I have a cool P.O. who checks in every 12 weeks(3 months) by phone call and 16 weeks in person. He even offered to take me out for a drink when I get off. I have another 1 1/2 or so left. Since I have been good he arranged to get it as long as I don't show up in court for being arrested I am pretty much free.

If your ex did something like that before why did you let her have your car when she doesn't have insurance? Dude if I was you I'd write her out of my life.

And personally even if it was my own husband I wouldn't bail his ass out if he was stupid enough to drink and then drive MY car and then wreck it. I'd let him sit.

Okay, just got home after a long-ass 24 hours.

Picked her up from the courthouse last night at around 9:30pm. She had refused medical treatment at the scene (as well as refused a BAC test). She was really beat-up in the wreck, apparently, she was doing around 35-40 when she hit the tree.

She nailed her head and chest on the steering wheel and has some pretty bad bruising and swelling on her forehead and around her eyes. She was also wearing her glasses at the time which caused a laceration to the right side of her nose by the bridge/tear-duct. Finally seems to have stopped bleeding.

As soon as I got her back from the cops (who were pretty cool about the whole thing), I made her go to the ER because she looked like something out of Star Trek. Spent several hours there having her checked out, but she doesn't have medical insurance through her job (she's a contract employee through a temp agency), so they didn't do much. She was released AMA... they wanted her to stay so they could do a head CT and chest x-ray, but she was freaking out and wanted to go home. No prescriptions, no stitches though.

I took her home and kept an eye on her all night, and she seemed to be doing okay, but in the morning, we went back because her chest was really hurting. Spent several more hours in the Trauma ward waiting for blood work and urin sample tests and then the x-ray results. While I was waiting for her, I contacted a lawyer, the impound lot, and cleaned out our checking accounts to secure legal representation.

Her CT results came back showing only bruising (we were worried about contusions to the heart and skull fractures) which was really good news. Once she was cleared, they prescribed Darvacet (painkiller) and Flexoril (Muscle relaxer) and we were on our way to the lawyers office.

Spoke with the lawyer for about 2 hours working out the details of his retainer and her chances of going to jail. Since this was her second offense, jail-time (45+ days in jail) was a serious possibility... a situation compounded by the fact that she had never fulfilled her parole obligations in Houston.

Her arraignment was at 4:00pm, and as luck would have it, it sounds like her DUI (as well as her no insurance and driving to fast for conditions tickets) will be dropped. Basically, the officers report included nothing to indicate proof that she had been the driver.

From what I understand, she passed out on impact, and when she awoke, there was a group of people around the car who had called 911, and by the time the cops arrived, she was out of the car, the keys were not in her possession (they were still in the ignition), the car was not registered in her name, and the officer did not see her actually behind the wheel. Since burden of proof is on the prosecutor, there's nothing in the report to prove that she was actually the driver.

So, it seems at this point that she is getting off very lucky from a legal standpoint, and from a physical standpoint, things could have been much much worse. Her car (which I gave to her about 1.5 years ago) has just never had the title transferred, so it is hers, but technically I still own it. And it's not my green civic... I bought her a maroon 91 LX sedan.

Without having to go into a long long dissertation about the ins and outs of our relationship over the past 4.5 years, I still love her to death (I'm just not in love with her), I'm basically the only one who would ever come through for her on this. If it weren't for me, she would have had to deal with all of this herself, and she just plain isn't able to handle it on her own.

I agree that for her to be drunk and driving is a terrible mistake, and I don't condone it, but that's no reason for me to turn my back on her. And I have absolutely no concept of how drunk she was, or even if she was. Honestly, if they had taken her to jail, there is no doubt in my mind that she would've tried to kill herself (another point of our relationship that I won't go into).

I think that this go-around, it's a big eye-opener for her... She got screwed in texas by having a public defender. At least this time, she's got a fighting chance. I'm just glad she's safe, and I'm glad that she didn't hurt anyone else.

I have not seen the car yet, but based on the officers description, as well as her own memory, it's totalled. Will have pics tomorrow hopefully...

http://files.automotiveforums.com/gallery/watermark.php?file=/503/25866smBruises.jpg

Doesn't really sound like she learned the first time around. And although you may love her to death, sometimes its best to turn your back on them.

My husbands ex wife kept repeatedly making really bad choices. And she never learned, because everytime she screwed up he was there for her to pick her up and help her out because "she couldn't do it all herself." and the best thing he ever did for her was turning his back on her finally. She finally straightened her life out when she finally realized that whatever she did she had to pick herself up from and no one was going to help her. He also kept her name on his bank accounts, etc. He finally did remove her when he finally cut pretty much all ties with her and also not being able to "borrow" money from him all the time really woke her up. Not saying thats what your ex does, just saying my husband even had joint accounts with her long after they divorced. Just sounds like similar situations to me.

Its your life, your going to do what your gonna do, etc. But sometimes tough love is the best love for someone.

Damn she looks bad right now.

She also tore her Superior Labial Frenulum, which sounds dirty, but it's not. It's the skin that holds the upper lip to the gums in the center, kinda like the lingual frenulum wich does basically the same thing underneath the tongue:

http://www.waycross.edu/faculty/gcook/anatomy/alimentary/mouth.jpg

Just thought that was kinda weird...

my little step sister did that once. She fell off her bike and smashed her face on the pavement, really busted up her upper lip and tore that frenulum thing too. I think she might've scrapped the whole thing off, can't remember. I remember she had a few stitches though.

Yeah she looks pretty beat up. Thats typical of any 40mph crash. For 40 that is actually rather easy. Also The SLF(Superior Labial Frenulum) is actually one of the most common injury areas. It is pretty sensitive area. I have seen the stupidest things cause damage to it.

:( I hope you're both OK Mike. Let us know if there's anything we can do.

Also sometimes the emotional effects of an accident are worse then the physical. It really sucks not having someone to help you threw an accident. As much as you despise someone or their actions and you love them it will always be there. Love never dies.

Geez Mike, you can really pick them ;)

At the risk of sounding callous,she's a repeat offender.Getting away with it in court will not help deter her from doing it again.Next time it may be a kid on a bicycle instead of a tree. If she can't take responsibilities for her own actions, make sure that you don't end up being held accountable for her.

And you still care for her, even after all that's happened - which goes a long way and says something for your character; and it seems no one else would be there for her. With the suicidal thing you DO have to tread lightly.

Thought: Ultimately, is it better to always bail her out and clean up after her, or to help her learn to be able to take care of herself?

Hats off to you dude, know how you feel, have two ex's I feel the same about, ask me, I'll be there, gotta chime in on the positive side of tough love though, it may take a large smack in the face, figurelivly speaking, for her to get here head out of her ass, ether that or a device she has to breath into to start her car

:( Let us know if there's anything we can do.

Ahem... paypal:

[email protected] :grinyes: :icon16:

just kidding of course.

I've already told her that this is the last time I bail her out from anything like this. I told her if she gets into a scrape, don't call me.

She's aware of how lucky she was, and not just from a legal, or a personal injury standpoint. She knows she was lucky to have me helping her. Like I said, this is a big eye opener for her, regardless of wether she goes to jail for it or not. She realizes that she fucked up alot of things for herself (as well as me), and how severe the consequences of her actions could've been.

Also, keep in mind, she hasn't gotten off legally yet. There's still an issue of the accident report being enough to incriminate her as the driver of the vehicle, which I didn't think about until late last night...

my god mike. first off i thought it was the green civic...whoa, don't do that again. :nono:

sorry to hear the sedan was wrecked that was a pretty damn clean car when you picked it up.

i have to assume draining your account put your y8 that much further away :thumbsdow thats unfair to you. you are so giving. is this what they mean by "nice guys finish last?"

she is lucky after years of reasons not to, you're still there to help. you might want to consider getting her into talking to somebody (if she doesn't already). there are plenty of issues she needs help sorting out that i'm thinking is beyond you at this point in life.

if you need a vacation, our door is always open...just a phone call away, anytime.

Im really sorry to hear about all this mike. I hope everything ends up being okay for the both of you. also, i really respect what your doing for her, similar thing has happened to me and my ex.

Went and cleaned out the car and paid the impound fees so they can scrap it...

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Shit, she's one lucky girl. When I t-boned that guy with my car the front end looked worse, but nothing was damaged inside like her car. and we walked away without even whiplash even though I hit going 30.

But there's quite a bit of difference between a tree and another vehicle. Damn she's lucky.

so they can scrap it? i see parts you could pull and sell. believe it or not, if it was an EX i could put the ecu to use.

tell her to start pulling parts and make that paper

so they can scrap it? i see parts you could pull and sell. believe it or not, if it was an EX i could put the ecu to use.

tell her to start pulling parts and make that paper

Yeah, lol... she's totally not into that, and I would probably do it, but I just want this whole thing to be over... I only had a limited amount of time to pay the impound costs before it sky-rocketed, and I just wanted to clean out what I could and let them deal with scrapping it.