Darwin Awards - Gotta laugh, and be glad you aren't this stupid!
SiRedge
03-05-2002, 08:38 AM
You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honour given
to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way...
And the nominees are:
9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol. He
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made
him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This
resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both
him and his sister.
8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately
6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt,
white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It
appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look.
He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter
canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The
other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden
tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was
inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of
his Suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the
circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they
decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control
of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the
wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no
details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his
father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man
face down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check
for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his
genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who
was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a
closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a
hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a
habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole
and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for
obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the
discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.
5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway
near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her
passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident,
this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not
for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her
Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as
she drove along. In an attempt to
press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman
lost her own.
4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to
use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a
bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot,
anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped
and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby. "Thlength of the cord that he had assembled was greater
than the distance between the trestle and ground," Carmichael said.
Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as
a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate -
was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,
etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from
the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they
found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their
frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described
the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon
operation of the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse
exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched
by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast
had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
And the winner is. . .
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smouldering metal
embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex
of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash,
but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened.
It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to
give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off
from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the
desert and found a long and straight stretch of road. Then he
attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped
in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best as
could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit
the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the
crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and
melted asphalt at that location The JATO, if operating properly,
would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the
Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at
full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon
to be pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces usually
reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about
2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely
melted the brakes, blowing the tyres and leaving thick rubber marks
on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4
miles,impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet,leaving a
blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's
remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone,
teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and
bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a
portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron reached a ground
speed of approximately 420 mph....
:D
to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way...
And the nominees are:
9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol. He
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made
him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This
resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both
him and his sister.
8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately
6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt,
white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It
appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look.
He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter
canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The
other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden
tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was
inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of
his Suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the
circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they
decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control
of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the
wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no
details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his
father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man
face down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check
for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his
genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who
was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a
closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a
hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a
habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole
and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for
obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the
discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.
5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway
near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her
passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident,
this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not
for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her
Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as
she drove along. In an attempt to
press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman
lost her own.
4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to
use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a
bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot,
anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped
and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby. "Thlength of the cord that he had assembled was greater
than the distance between the trestle and ground," Carmichael said.
Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as
a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate -
was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,
etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from
the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they
found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their
frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described
the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon
operation of the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse
exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched
by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast
had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
And the winner is. . .
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smouldering metal
embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex
of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash,
but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened.
It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to
give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off
from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the
desert and found a long and straight stretch of road. Then he
attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped
in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best as
could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit
the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the
crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and
melted asphalt at that location The JATO, if operating properly,
would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the
Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at
full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon
to be pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces usually
reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about
2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely
melted the brakes, blowing the tyres and leaving thick rubber marks
on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4
miles,impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet,leaving a
blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's
remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone,
teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and
bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a
portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron reached a ground
speed of approximately 420 mph....
:D
darkness
03-05-2002, 12:57 PM
Yeah I've seen those before but they are still classic.
Gotta love the "Rocket Guy":D
Gotta love the "Rocket Guy":D
Dustin_S
03-05-2002, 01:30 PM
Umm...check this. (http://www.bored.com/rocketcar/index.htm)
The others are DAMN funny though. :p :p :p :p :p :p
The others are DAMN funny though. :p :p :p :p :p :p
YogsVR4
03-05-2002, 01:33 PM
I think those are from a few years ago. Their has to be more good ones like those out now. Thanks for the reminder :D
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Spec2 Girl
03-05-2002, 02:06 PM
It never fails to amaze me how many stupid people there are out there. :hehehe: :hehehe: :p
SkylinesKillAll
03-05-2002, 02:43 PM
god i love those awards. makes me wonder sometimes :rolleyes:
darkness
03-05-2002, 03:50 PM
Originally posted by Dustin_S
Umm...check this. (http://www.bored.com/rocketcar/index.htm)
The others are DAMN funny though. :p :p :p :p :p :p
that is an awesome read!
Umm...check this. (http://www.bored.com/rocketcar/index.htm)
The others are DAMN funny though. :p :p :p :p :p :p
that is an awesome read!
Mike.Com
03-05-2002, 05:11 PM
I think this one can qualify also. :D Nobody got hurt though:
Longo Lexus (http://www.clublexus.com/html/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=77&mode=thread&order=0)
http://www.clublexus.com/gallery/Lexus_Racing/misc/mvc-030s.jpg
:p
Who would've thought you could get a GS430 that high?
Longo Lexus (http://www.clublexus.com/html/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=77&mode=thread&order=0)
http://www.clublexus.com/gallery/Lexus_Racing/misc/mvc-030s.jpg
:p
Who would've thought you could get a GS430 that high?
gang$tarr
03-05-2002, 05:18 PM
number 8 is freakin discusting..... that's (almost) the nastiest shit i have ever read :apuke:
primera man
03-06-2002, 02:15 AM
LMAO at the winner :D :D :D :D :D
Moppie
03-06-2002, 02:33 AM
SiRedge
03-06-2002, 07:05 AM
Originally posted by darkness
that is an awesome read!
Agree
that is an awesome read!
Agree
AEstud
03-06-2002, 08:39 AM
I've heard those before
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