Another bad joke

One fine day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they where about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!"

Bad indeed!:D

Irish jokes....gets ya every time !!!!:D :D

OK....My turn

MENTAL PATIENTS John and David were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly dove into the deep end.
He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.
David promptly jumped in to save his friend. He swim to the bottom of the pool and pulled him out. The Medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital, as he considered him to be OK. The next day......
The director said, "We have good news and bad news for you David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient that you saved, hung himself in the bathroom last night and has died"

David replied........."Doctor, he didn't hang himself, i hang him there to dry !!!!!!" :D :D :D

Here is a womens prayer



Dear Lord....
So far today, i am doing alright.
I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or self-indulgent.
I have not whined, bitched, cursed or eaten any chocolate.
I have not spent any money today or used my credit card.
But i will be getting out of my bed in a minute and i think that i'll really need your help then.

:D :D :D

lol those are great :D

I printed off the womens prayer and stuck it on the toilet door for her to read today.
She didn't see the funny side of it !!!!

OK, here's the short version.

Guy walks into a pub and orders 4 pints. The bartender asks if he wouldn't like them one at a time so they stay cold. They guy says no, because he drinks them for a promise he made to his three brothers, that they would always drink together in spirit, even if they were separated by many miles.

So this goes on for a few weeks, until one day the guy only orders 3 pints. The bartender figures one of the brothers has died, so he offers his condolences. The guy says: Nah, I've just given up drinking....

*rimshot*