bad jokes

off the top of my head:

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

nothing, you already told her twice.


what is the best thing about twenty-eight year olds?

there's twenty of them. (works out really well when said aloud)

the title of the thread says it all... :screwy:

It can only get better from here :loser:

i really like both of them. come on guys, just tell some that you can think of.

knock knock.
who's there?
owls.
owls who?
exactly.

got another lame joke...

what does a toilet have for breakfast?
ass browns

ha...ha...ha...

wow...i hope future sponsors don't read this thread because the lack of knowledge here is thoroughly amazing...lol

nah..those are terrible, mines worse

how did the dinosaur cross the road?
chikens weren't evolved yet...

hahhaha..pretty lame aint it

terrible jokes.

A joke should have a story to it to get you involved. Such as:

Superman was bored one day so went to see if Batman was free "Sorry superman, I've got to fix the bat car"

so he goes to Spiderman's house "Sorry, I'm in the middle of moving, can't come out to play" so he goes over to Wonder woman's pad. Just as he is about to fly in the window he hears with his super hearing that she is moaning and in the bedroom. He uses his x ray eyes to look through the wall and sees her on all fours and can't resist the temptation. He flies in using his super speed and takes her from behind and is out the window before she knows what happened.

"what was that she says"

"I dunno, but my arse hurts" says the invisible man

what is the best thing about twenty-eight year olds?

there's twenty of them. (works out really well when said aloud)

A - for effort, but it goes like this...
What does Michael Jackson like so much about twenty-six year olds?

There's twenty of them!

Just wanted to pass that on

A - for effort, but it goes like this...
What does Michael Jackson like so much about twenty-six year olds?

There's twenty of them!

Just wanted to pass that on
It doesn't make much sense without the MJ part

wow thats alot of bad jokes there

why did the one eyed bird cross the road

to get to the "birds eye" shop

(you'll only get this if you live in england and like fish and chips)

A guy walked into a bar, "Ouch"

Whats better then winning the special olympics?
IIICE KWEEEEEEEEEEEM (courteousy of collegehumor)

Rob

whats the worse part about cooking a vegetable?




getting the wheelchair out the oven

whats the worse part about cooking a vegetable?




getting the wheelchair out the oven


now that's a good one :evillol:

how do you fit 20 jews in a VW bug?




the ashtray (no offense)

*3 guys walk into a bar... and get concussions

*a guy and a girl are in the bed and the guy loves to poke belly buttons with his finger. So he does it once and the girl says "Stop poking my belly button." and he does it again and she repeats "Stop poking my belly button. But he returns under the covers and she says "Thats not my belly button." he replies "Thats not my finger."http://www.smiliegenerator.de/s26/smilies-6402.png

Two large men in a pub, one says "Your round" the other says "So are you you fat bas****"

A brain walks into a pub and the barman says "I can't serve you, your outta your head"

A sandwich walks into a pub, the barman says "We don't serve food here"

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub, the barman says "Is this some kind of joke?"

A seal walks into a club

Two elephants walk off a cliff...Boom Boom

A man walks into a pub with a giraffe, proceedes to get it drunk till it collapses on the floor and then he goes to leave. The barman says "You can't leave that lyin' there"

The man replies "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe"

And the award goes to................................................ ..........

A brain walks into a pub and the barman says "I can't serve you, your outta your head"http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/aktion/action-smiley-033.gif However :disappoin

why do polish women douche with colgate?



they heard it reduces cavities.

I'm liking on how to get a vegetable out of the oven, despite how wrong that was..

:D

I got such a better one...let's see f i can't find the Purple Flower joke

Why do brides wear white?

The dishwasher should match the stove and fridge.

Two guys walk into a bar.
You'd think the second one would've ducked.

^Not if it was at the same time...duh... :rolleyes:

worst joke I have ever heard in my life..


Q) Why did the Chicken cross the road

A) to get to the otherside! (but these cheeky chickens crossed the road to get to each others Hide!)

I got such a better one...let's see f i can't find the Purple Flower joke

i actually really liked it.

One day this kid was walking to school and this punk was wlaking behind him. Well, the punk kid threw a rock at him and the kid turned around and called him a purple flower.

Well, the punk ran ahead and when the other got there the teacher wanted to talk to him. She asked what happened this morning.

"Well see, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower"

"A purple flower!!!???!!! You're going to the principal's office!"

So he went...and the principal asked what happened.

"Well this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower."

"A purple flower!!!???!!! You're suspended!"

Well, his mom came and picked him up and asked why was he suspended.

"See, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower."

"A purple flower!!!???!!! Wait till your father gets home!"

Well, his daad came home, understanding and ready and he asked what had happened.

"Well, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him...a...a purple flower."

"A purple flower!!!???!!! You're going to boarding school!"

Well, it's years later and at graduation they're asking the students how they got there. His turn...

"Well, it all began one day when...um...this kid threw a rick at me, yeah, and I called him a purple flower."

"A PURPLE FLOWER!!!!!!??????!!!!!", the crowd said in astonishment, "You're not graduating!"

Well, the kid walks gloomily onto the road and sudenly this car comes and hits him.

Moral of the story is....look both ways before you cross the street.

Whats the difference between a truck load of bowling balls and a truck load of dead babies?








Can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

whats the difference between menstrual blood and sand?





you cant gargle sand


p.s: i feel dirty, sorry

Okay some of those are just down right dirty and wrong!


Dirty joke:

White horse fell in a big puddle of black mud. (hehe!)


Clean joke:

The farmer washed the horse. (hehe!)



I got nothing.

I love crap jokes:

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop and go straight to the budgies in the cages, mick points at them and says "them, there, they are the ones" they ask the store owner for two "and wrap them up in a brown bag would ya"

They leave the shop and drive the van to the nearest clif where mick gets one bird out and perches it on his shoulder, jumps off the cliff and falls to his death. "Fook that....I'm not trying that budgie jumping" says Sean.

Just then, Paddy pulls up, gets a shot gun out of the boot of his car and a paper bag from the passenger seat, pulls out a parrot. Perching the parrot on his shoulder he jumps off the cliff. Half way down he shoots the parrot and continues to fall to his death. "I aint doing that Parrot shooting either" says Sean

Then Colin pulls up...paper bag...pulls out a hen, grasps both legs and jumps off the cliff to his death..... "And there is no way I'm having a go at hen gliding either"

3 old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trenchcoat came up and flashed them. the first old lady had a stroke, the 2nd old lady had a stroke, but the third one didn't because her arms were too short :)

i actually really liked it.

One day this kid was walking to school and this punk was wlaking behind him. Well, the punk kid threw a rock at him and the kid turned around and called him a purple flower.

Well, the punk ran ahead and when the other got there the teacher wanted to talk to him. She asked what happened this morning.

"Well see, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower"

"A purple flower!!!???!!! You're going to the principal's office!"

So he went...and the principal asked what happened.

"Well this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower."

"A purple flower!!!???!!! You're suspended!"

Well, his mom came and picked him up and asked why was he suspended.

"See, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower."

"A purple flower!!!???!!! Wait till your father gets home!"

Well, his daad came home, understanding and ready and he asked what had happened.

"Well, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him...a...a purple flower."

"A purple flower!!!???!!! You're going to boarding school!"

Well, it's years later and at graduation they're asking the students how they got there. His turn...

"Well, it all began one day when...um...this kid threw a rick at me, yeah, and I called him a purple flower."

"A PURPLE FLOWER!!!!!!??????!!!!!", the crowd said in astonishment, "You're not graduating!"

Well, the kid walks gloomily onto the road and sudenly this car comes and hits him.

Moral of the story is....look both ways before you cross the street.


:wtf:

^hehe :D

Thanks Kitt for finding it man...

^Not if it was at the same time...duh... :rolleyes:

^^ Stop it! Your killing me!!!! Blahhhhhhh

What’s the difference between a wheel barrow filled with dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

...so wrong, yet so funny

lol ^^ Here comes the dead baby jokes!

Wrong in sooo many ways, yet still funny.

A ranger was riding through the desert on his white horse with his indian servent. They stop in this town for a bit to get a drink.

After 30 minutes a guy says "whoever owns the white horse that thing is ready to die!"

The ranger tells his indian boy to give the horse some water so he goes out and does that.

Another 30 minutes later a guy says "whoever owns the white horse that thing is going to die very, very soon!!"

The ranger told his indian boy to run around the horse to get a breeze going to cool it down. He goes out and starts doing that.

Another 30 minutes later a guy walks in and says "whoever owns the white horse, you left your engine running!!!"

muscletang, that one got me. maybe its because i am bored at work, or maybe its the drugs in my system to lessen the effects of the cold i have, or maybe...

this is just off the top of my head (heard this when i was 10 or so):

a man went to japan for a business trip. he found a woman there and they were both instantly attracted to one another. even though they could not communicate verbally, they were on their way to a wonderful evening.

that night while they were having a good time in bed, the woman screams out "hunta, hunta" so the man thought it meant "harder, harder". so he really gave it to her.

the next night the couple were in bed once again, and the woman screamed out "hunta, hunta". the man thought he did a good job last night, so he did it harder, and harder again.

the next day was the weekend, and he made plans to play golf with the business people that he had worked with this trip. on the 7th hole the man had honors to tee off first. he absolutely smashes a drive.

then one of his playing partners yells out "hunta, hunta". they are lucky to have an interpreter with them at this time. the man screams back, "but i hit it as hard as i could!" the interpreter without missing a beat bounces back with, "no, wrong hole!"

bwahahhwhehawhw

LOL thats a good one!

What do you call a guy with his hand up a horse's butt?

an amish mechanic

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says,

"Woodpecker, You are a tree expert, can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

a little boy goes walking down the sidewalk dragging a ball of duct tape, an old man sittin on his front porch says "boy, what are ya gonna do with that duct tape?" the boy says i'm gonna catch some ducks. the old man says "you cant catch ducks with duct tape". the boy comes back an hour later dragging 3 ducks taped together.

next day the boy goes walking by dragging a ball of chicken wire. again the old man says "boy, what are you gonna do with chicken wire?" the little boy says i'm gonna catch some chickens. again the old man says " you cant catch chickens with chicken wire. an hour later the little boy walks comes back with chickens wrapped up in chicken wire.

the next day the little boy walks by with something in his hand. the old man says "what do you have there son?" the little boy says "pussy willow" the old man says "i'll get my hat"

sorry kinda long