How to request an early grave

A wife was making breakfast (of fried eggs) for her husband one morning.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen screaming....
"Careful...CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. Too MANY! Turn them over. Turn them over NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! Where are we going to get more BUTTER!? Great! Now they're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You never listen to me when you're cooking! NEVER! Turn them over! Hurry UP! Are you crazy? Have you lost your MIND? Don't forget to salt them. You KNOW you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. The SALT! Use the SALT!"

His wife just stared at him and said... "What in the fuck is the matter with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like to have you sitting next to me when I'm driving."

:evillol:

TS out (getting cemetary plot)

Dang, I thought you were going to tell me to buy a SanteFe :D

holy shit i gotta try that next time my mom cooks breakfast

Hilarious, when my mom drives with me she keeps pushing the floor like she has pedals on the passenger side so i brake late and blame her for not braking earlier.

Oh man, when I started driving, my mother always had one arm out against the dash board and I was like... "What are you doing??" And she said.."Its for support." And I said, "physical or emotional support?" :naughty: "Besides, your disreguarding the job of the 'seatbelt' and your 'support' is blocking my view out the passenger side window..." "Not good for supporting my GOOD DRIVING!!"

Hilarious, when my mom drives with me she keeps pushing the floor like she has pedals on the passenger side so i brake late and blame her for not braking earlier.:rofl::rofl::rofl:lmfao:rofl::rofl::rofl:

^^i second that motion^^

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I hate it when the gf screams while I'm driving. What I like to do is just let go of everything in the midst of driving and tell her to yell at the car to turn left so we don't hit the object in front of us

^I guess I should thank the lord I dont have a gf yet. But every girl who has driven in my car has never complained how I drive. WHEW!

^I guess I should thank the lord I dont have a gf yet. But every girl who has driven in my car has never complained how I drive. WHEW!

you gotta make 'em sit in the back. unless they're excessively hot. then bitching on their part would be tolerable :p

My dad likes to put his foot on teh floor almost to signal me to stop, much like partizan. Must try that braking later thing though :)

my dad's thing is grab the handle above the door when I go around corners. I don't even know what he would do if I powerslid one while he was with me :p

my dad's thing is grab the handle above the door when I go around corners. I don't even know what he would do if I powerslid one while he was with me :p

Yeah, everyone who rides with me seems to do the same thing. Even if we're not even turning that fast.

yeah I should take the handles out and THEN do some powersliding!

Yeah, everyone who rides with me seems to do the same thing. Even if we're not even turning that fast.

Uh, sure there....

Just kiddin

My dad tells me I accelerate too fast, so what I like to do is go balls out, aka 4k in first gear, and listen to the 350 roar. Gets him a lil nervous.

my favorite is

him: "slow down, you're going to fast on the onramp! Its wet!!!"

me: "no, I'm merging. Be quiet ...and get your feet off the dashboard."

If you really want to test their sanity as your coming up to a stop light aim your head towards the radio and pretend you're messing with or changing the station, but keep your eyes up so they think you're not watching the traffic infront and don't brake till the last minute and when they yell act casual "What? It was Meatloaf!"

A wife was making breakfast (of fried eggs) for her husband one morning.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen screaming....
"Careful...CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. Too MANY! Turn them over. Turn them over NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! Where are we going to get more BUTTER!? Great! Now they're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You never listen to me when you're cooking! NEVER! Turn them over! Hurry UP! Are you crazy? Have you lost your MIND? Don't forget to salt them. You KNOW you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. The SALT! Use the SALT!"

His wife just stared at him and said... "What in the fuck is the matter with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"


thats a good one. i heard it on the johnboy and billy show. i think the character was ricky b. sharp. from dooothan alabama..

My mom is silent when she's in my car (RARELY) because she can't drive stick. All I have to say is "oh you can drive better than?!" :D

I used to say "Since every passenger has a door through which they may exit at any time, no commentary on my driving is expected." Meaning, if you want a ride then take it, or save the color commentary for the walk home.

It made me feel better about being a crappy driver (13 years ago). Really, I was awful. I laugh to remember.

thats one disadvantage of the AW11 i cant tell the otherhalf to get in the back...but it is fun when i drive my mum to the shops and race ppl off the light to whatch her shit herself as im touching 120km/h in a 60zone with a SS commdore next to me.
i always tell my g/f how to cook...coz i cook better than her...:D
its good to have something from high school count. (got TAFE qualifictions from high school cooking classes)