Fuc't up Chit

I'm movin out....

I've been livin with my Fiancee's family for the last 2 1/2 years...IT'S BEEN HELL!!! I've been givin this household $1000/month, goin into a "household account" that pays rent, bills, credit cards, car repairs, groceries, etc. I've gotten JACK SHIT out of this account. A, I stress A, ONE, car repair on my car. My credit cards have been paid late 3 times, and fuck everything else, no benefit to me 'cept what electric and water I use from 7-7:30am and 8-11pm (otherwise I'm not home). I get treated like a damned 16 year old, by EVERYONE 'cept my fiancee, including the 18 year old little asshole...
I'd had enough shit, then last night, her mom blows up at me, so I run off in my car, for an hour, my car, I'm 20, I'll do what I want, when I want. I get back at about 11:30, and put up with shit from her lover (her mom's gay) then head for bed. Get woken up at 1am, FUCKIN 1 IN THE MORNING...I HAVE TO WORK PEOPLE!!! Anyways, her Dad (he visits the other two siblings) asks where I went, I said "Driving", cause thats what I did for an hour...Then her mom starts screaming at me about how irresponsible I am, and how I'm not fit to be an adult. I supported the ENTIRE HOUSE (6 people) for 6 months on my income alone, cause the other two adults were too fuckin lazy to get jobs. AND IM IRRESPONSIBLE?! I let her have it. After I proved her wrong on EVERY point, she still struggles, screaming at me about SHIT, not bullshit, cause there was no bull; not dumb shit, cause it was beyond dumb; not stupid shit, cause this was WAAY beyond stupid; just SHIT. So I just said "I'm through, I'm movin out" got up and left. She screamed at me "Well I'm not gonna support this!" (referencing me and her daughter getting married) and I looked back and said, "Ok."
Oooh, she was pissed. The was lots of screaming and yelling all night long up to that point, about who was responsible for Ambers (my fiancee) birth control pills (not for the protection, but mostly help control hormone levels), how it should be me (yeah, I know, it usually is), but this time she told Amber she'd take care of it, therefore it's HER responsibility now...that's waht sparked the whole thing.
She just kept blowing up at everybody all night long while I was out driving around (from what I'm told).

[/rant]

Anyways, I'm movin out on my own finally, gettin my own apartment, but I'm pretty afraid of what it's gonna do to Amber and how she does in school.
So I'm pretty much asking your guys' advice now on this one. What do I do about Amber and her school? Cause at this point, her mom won't have all the money to pay for her school, so I'll help with that, after all we're still gettin married. But Amber doesn't want to hurt one persons feelings over the other by going to one residence or the other. Is there anything I can tell her? It doesn't matter to me, cause I'll still drive to see her at school, but theres the issue of sleeping together (literally, in each others arms, you know, like people in love do).
I'm movin out, no question, but how can I help amber stay focused on school, and keep a lot of the impact from this from getting to her?
Anyways, thanks in advance guys, and gals, for your advice on this.

-Lee-

I understand how tensions run high in families. BELIEVE me. Even though you're not living with her, If you still want to be with her you still have to show affection to her, or are you trying to break up with her but keep the letdown at a minimum? To keep her focused, just tell her that everything will be ok. Other than that I don't know what to tell you.

I don't wanna break up, just keep as much stress from getting to her as possible, so it doesn't affect her schoolwork.

You need to explain to her that you still love her and always will, even though you're moving out. And also explain to her that she should try and be closer to her mom than ever so that the family doesn't drift apart from each other, because without family you have nothing. As much as you would hate it, also try and get a neutral ground with her mom, sit her down one of these nights and try and work out your differences, because if you're gonna marry her daughter you need to learn to get along somehow. If you're going to help pay for her tuition that would be a good starting point in a conversation and explain to the mom how much you love her daughter, and whether she likes it or not she's going to have to accept the two of you. Try and help her with her studies as much as you can, i think that would relieve some of the stress of maintaining a social and family life, while going to school, even if you have to drive down there or talk about it over the phone. Good luck on this one, the best thing you can do right now is just try to mend everything that's been broken, dont try and take to many drastic steps right now.

Keep in touch, and keep her focused. Talk to her, let her open up to you if theres anything on her mind. Be the person she can release to. That should keep her on track. Good luck.

Move out on your own! Punish them! LOL

Thanks Rbra and Josh.....Rocky, shutup.

Well one thing for sure it sounds like you're doing the right thing by moving out of there. I don't see how anyone should have to put up with that kind of atmosphere.

Good luck to you.

Well one thing for sure it sounds like you're doing the right thing by moving out of there. I don't see how anyone should have to put up with that kind of atmosphere.

Good luck to you.

I couldn't agree more. Don't stay where you aren't appreciated. Move out on your own where you can pay your own bills, the hell with paying theirs. After all, you're twenty years old and should have been on your own two years ago, but they obviously used you. Now you can really fix their wagon.

you might not wanna hear from me or my advice, but you did the same on my post so here it is :2cents: First off how in hell are you supporting 6 people who treat you like shit? :sly: are you fucking stupid or is your bitch playing you? is she even worth it? also i dont know if i understood, but are you paying for her education? if yes then did you fucking adopt this soon to be family of yours :nono: at the fucking trailer park or somethin? man i suggest you take your bitch, pack her up and drop her onto ither your piece ford escort :iceslolan or your maxima and move her in with you and dont forget to leave the rest of the family behind this time!

Yeah, that advice definately goes down as some of the worst ever... Good job, way to make a person feel better.

hehe...Thanks Probe, I can understand what your sayin, but in better terms. Good thinkin, it's what I'm tryin, but movin out just isn't really simple. Especially when your goin out on your own for the first time, it takes money that I don't have a whole lot of. I'm savin now, and the moment I've got enough, my ass is gone...

Then you have to swallow your pride, kiss their ass, and beg to stay. Do it quickly, before they figure out that they don't really need some guy living off them, screwing their daughter, and taking up space. You think your being there, taking advantage of them really makes their lives better?

I don't have to beg to stay. They beg me to stay. I bring in half the income to damn household, and every little bit of it gets used! I'm not taking advantage of SHIT living there! They're taking advantage of the fact that ALL my fuckin money goes into the damned house so I can't afford to get on my own! I don't need to swallow ANY FUCKING PRIDE, nor kiss ANYONES ass, nor beg to FUCKING stay! They do need this guy in the house, until the other cunt gets up off her ass and gets a fucking job. THEN I will be HAPPY to leave, or even better, get kicked out!

Rocky's post just pissed me off too much. I wish you could see my situation for what it fucking is, not what it looks like through typing. It would take me DAYS to lay it out in words. So just STFU!

[/rant] (for now)

I'm seeing it through their eyes, not yours. You are essentially renting their daughter's body, and they don't like it. If you were serious about her you would be married and on your own, so they consider her a lost cause, and after you dump her she'll be used goods. That's where the hostility is coming from. It's not about money. I am not just trying to piss you off, nor am I going to stroke your ego. You're just young and don't get it.

Well you just seem to have it all figured out dont you Rocky.......

Did you think maybe she wants to finish college before she gets married, or perhaps maybe he needs a more stable job before he can think about getting married?...Questions you didn't even bother asking, you just assumed, never assume when you dont have ALL the facts yet. By the sounds of it, he loves his girlfriend a lot and doesn't plan on breaking up with her, so stop being a dick and try to show some compassion for the guy, he's having a tough time right now.

z28josh your sig is so true!

Thank you... I forgot where i found it, i'm pretty sure it was an anonymous quote.... It fits how i'm feeling right now though.

I dont know what exactly you are worried about. You supported 6 people on your salary. Supporting yourself shouldnt be too hard.

Your girlfriend will have to make up her own mind. If she wants to move in with you but cant pay for school, there are plently of student loans she can get. Does she have a job? When I went to school full time (15-18 credit hours) I still worked at least 20 hours a week.

Well I can relate to you I lived with the inlaws for a year and a half damn its hard. Its like living with your parents only they don't like you lol. In my case I was not good enough for their Daughter (only daughter) they would just bring out all the negatives about me, all the good things I did (help pay bills support their daughter pay for her college tuition etc..) they would ignore and not recognize. I have a good paying job for being 20 yrs old I was making 38k a year that was more than her dad and mom put together but, that was not good enough for them (I over heard them complaining that my job was worthless and that 38k is not a great future for us blah blah blah,) anyways I respect them even though I know how bad they hate me. Anyways I did move out married their daughter now we have our own place and let me tell you there's nothing better than just "you and her" you make your own decisions you can wash clothes, take showers, cook, etc.. when ever you feel like it and best of all you don't have that mothers negativity (when she puts all these negative thoughts into her daughters head) Let me tell you once I left that place our relationship grew and we get along with her parents better even though I still complain the way we spend our money

I'm happy for you your making the right decision it won't be long before you guys have a place of your own

Well you just seem to have it all figured out dont you Rocky.......

Did you think maybe she wants to finish college before she gets married, or perhaps maybe he needs a more stable job before he can think about getting married?...Questions you didn't even bother asking, you just assumed, never assume when you dont have ALL the facts yet. By the sounds of it, he loves his girlfriend a lot and doesn't plan on breaking up with her, so stop being a dick and try to show some compassion for the guy, he's having a tough time right now.

The originator asked for advice based only on the information he provided. He didn't ask to have his head patted and a cry-fest. That's for women and girly-men, which are you?

Which am i?????............lemme think about this one..........I'm not girly....6' 4" 205 lbs............So that one's out......Lets see i have 1, 2 yes 2 testicles and a dick, so i'm not a woman either....hmmmm.....

:wave:Can i go with option "c"??? Oh wait, i see, i'm just not an inconsiderate fuck like you... I assume you are aged, by your last comment in the post before, and you assume because your older you know everything, typical of someone your age, but next time try and ask for more facts before you make your assumptions...

Why did you move in with your fiancee if she was still living at home? To help them? Just curious. I'd rather kill myself than live with my in-laws.
Seriously though, just move out, tell your girl you still love her and will do everything you can to help her. Whatever happens between her and her mom is up to them. If your girl is serious about school then all of this drama shouldn't affect her grades too badly. If it does, then she's just weak and you should leave her.

Some take responsibility, some avoid it. Age has nothing to do with it. At 6'4", 205 lbs, the Marines could use you if you are tough enough.

Dude, do you have any clue to what people go through. So what, they may seem insignificant to you, but to them, its big issues. Maybe you should take a look at your own problems before you belittle someone else's.

All my uncles were marines during Vietnam, it's in my blood, but i dont find joining the Marines something that i want to do, maybe in 5 years or so. I dont feel as if i am tough enough actually, hearing of all the BS that my uncles went through during that war, not what i want to experience with this war....

Dude. just move out. I am not sure what area of the world you live in, or what the cost of living is, but as you have stated, you gave 1000+ a month for food and bills. you should have more than plenty to go and get yourself a nice studio or 1 bedroom apartment. if you go and get a apartment, what is wrong with your fiance moving in with you, while she still goes to school. it sounds like the change of enviroment would be good for her, and maybe even more conductive to her studying.
Also, getting married wouldn't put a damper on her schooling, its not like she all of a sudden has to stay home, or gets pregnant. You might be able to work something out with the future apartment complex. Most only require a deposit for the first month if you get there like in the middle, which then leaves the rent open for the next months check, which might be alot easier for you. Or.... you can find a place, where you can pay them upfront what you can afford, then make the difference up the following rent check. Nuff said on that department. I can see where Rocky is coming from a little I think, I know its far out in left field, but with some binocs, you can kinda spot it. I don't understand why you would have subjected yourself to that family always coming down on you for the length of time that you did.
Sorry, I love my wife, but putting yourself through hell on purpose with no restitution is another matter. If you were able to move in with them and start helping them out, I dont know why you just didnt get a place of your own in the first place. If your job/mney wasnt there, thats understandable, but for god sakes man, live your life. your young. your asting out your prime years, supporting a family that obviously doesnt give two shits about you, except for your fiance... and quite honestly, I question her feelings for you at this point, because honestly, if she is aware of how this is affecting you (and I am sure you have communicated this to her) she should be more concerned about your welfare and should have been trying to either have her family ease up on you, or find a place so either you, or the both of you could move too a long long long time ago. I know you love her, obviously enough to ask her to be a part of your life forever, especially since you don't have any kids together.
But, ask yourself this. Is this a family you really want to be a part of? I can tell you this, they are riding you and using you to the fullest now, but do you honestly think that they are going to ease up, or stop altogether once you get married or move out? Personally, I think you need to sit down and think really hard on this, and quite possibly, just cut all ties to the family all together, up to including your fiance if she isn't willing to see things your way, or see what they are doing to you. Keep us informed of the situation and what you plan to do. Good Luck.

Hey guys, i appreciate all the helpful comment (i.e. - all those NOT Rocky's). To address a few questions/issues. When I moved in, I was fresh outta highschool, wanted outta mom's house, and didn't have a job. Since then I've got an awesome job (I work directly with the EVP and several SVP's of the company, and occasionally the Pres.). Since I started making the money, I have been unable to save up enough to get on my own. Car breaks down, trip to cali to see my sis graduate (I'm in Arkansas), credit cards (hate 'em, hate 'em, fucking hate 'em!!!), etc. Now I've got prime opportunity, and a paycheck that hasn't already been spent.

Update - Found a place...$495/month 1 bed apartment. Yeah pricey, but look. It's a new community, with a swimming pool, aerobics room, tanning beds, 2 playgrounds, a private park complete with picnic tables and grills, and a volleyball court. I'm giving $343 at leases signing (deposit plus prorated rent), next week I'm paying $95 to get utilities in my name (they're already on, but the landlord is post dating the lease for me so I have to wait for that), then on Nov. 1st I'm payning only $199 rent, then rent resumes $495/month on Dec. 1st. Utilities average about $68/month.

It's a good deal, I jumped on it. The apartments are all BRAND NEW, untouched, never lived in...so.....

There's the update. Thanks for all the replies guys!

P.S. - Forgot about the fiancee! She may be moving in with me with her mom finishing tuition for this semester. Not quite sure yet. I'll let you guys know.

LOL, thanks for taking my advice. You got off their backs.

I took no ones advice except my own. If you care to notice that while everyone was posting their opinions on what I should do, I was not online, till this morning, when all is said and done. All of my decision were based on my opinions, and what _I_ wanted. All of your posts offended me and, if anything, were completely disregarded. If anyones advice was to be taken, it would Sniper's or Josh's.





Your head can now return to its original size.

Hey, good luck guy. Keep us updated and let us know how it all works out. I guess you have to take Rocky's advice with a grain of salt, because sometimes you need to hear it from both sides. But good luck in your endeavors.

glad to hear that things are now on the up and up for you. welcome to a completely different life. Now all thats left is to sit back, and ENJOY!!

Hey guys, i appreciate all the helpful comment (i.e. - all those NOT Rocky's). To address a few questions/issues. When I moved in, I was fresh outta highschool, wanted outta mom's house, and didn't have a job. Since then I've got an awesome job (I work directly with the EVP and several SVP's of the company, and occasionally the Pres.). Since I started making the money, I have been unable to save up enough to get on my own. Car breaks down, trip to cali to see my sis graduate (I'm in Arkansas), credit cards (hate 'em, hate 'em, fucking hate 'em!!!), etc. Now I've got prime opportunity, and a paycheck that hasn't already been spent.

Update - Found a place...$495/month 1 bed apartment. Yeah pricey, but look. It's a new community, with a swimming pool, aerobics room, tanning beds, 2 playgrounds, a private park complete with picnic tables and grills, and a volleyball court. I'm giving $343 at leases signing (deposit plus prorated rent), next week I'm paying $95 to get utilities in my name (they're already on, but the landlord is post dating the lease for me so I have to wait for that), then on Nov. 1st I'm payning only $199 rent, then rent resumes $495/month on Dec. 1st. Utilities average about $68/month.

It's a good deal, I jumped on it. The apartments are all BRAND NEW, untouched, never lived in...so.....


damn man......that's one cheap apartment!!!!!! for one like that up here, it's around 1,000+ and that's in some suburbs! you're talking 1,900 for a studio around some areas of Boston. congrats on the place man. seriously congrats......boy do i wish that there was some cheaper real-estate around here.....

I am glad to see you got yourself on your feet and on your own. Thats pretty good. One day in 9th grade math the dean came in cause our teacher was a fire chief out east and couldnt teach the class. We figured out what it would cost live here (Long Island,New York). It turned out to be the VERY LEAST 24k a year. Thats with car insurance,rent, bills(utilites, school loans,etc) and a date on friday night. That is without cable, and cellphone bill etc.

I took no ones advice except my own. If you care to notice that while everyone was posting their opinions on what I should do, I was not online, till this morning, when all is said and done. All of my decision were based on my opinions, and what _I_ wanted. All of your posts offended me and, if anything, were completely disregarded. If anyones advice was to be taken, it would Sniper's or Josh's.





Your head can now return to its original size.

Well, I'm happy for you anyways, and I'm sure your girlfriend's parents are happy too. Sometimes a little kick in the ass is all it takes.

Sweet, you did the right thing. Paying $500 for your own apt beats the hell out of paying $1000 to live in someone's house!