How to give a cat a pill
primera man
02-08-2002, 06:17 AM
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm
as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to the cheeks whilst holding the pill in the right hand. As you gradually ease the cat's mouth open in this fashion, pop the pill into it's mouth and allow the cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle the
cat in left arm again and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from under the bed in the main bedroom and throw away the soggy pill.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and thrust pill to the back of it's mouth with right forefinger. Hold cat's mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden to assist.
6. Kneel on floor with cat firmly wedged between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted from cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil
wrap. Make a mental note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from floor and set aside for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw and force cat's mouth open with pencil. Blow forcefully down straw.
9. Check label on cat's pills to see if they are harmful to
humans. Drink beer to take away the taste and apply band-aid to spouse's forearm. Remove blood from carpet with soap and water and discard shredded towel in waste bin.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on cat's neck so as to leave only the head protruding. Force mouth open with spoon and however much force it takes. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage to put the cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Pour scotch and drink in one gulp. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect and toss back another shot for good measure. Throw T-shirt in bin next to shredded towel.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the damn cat from tree across the road, and apologise profusely to neighbour who crashed into his pool whilst swerving to avoid the cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little sod's front paws and rear paws tightly to legs of metal garden chairs with twine. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push into cat's mouth, followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold cat's head vertical and pour two litres of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to
emergency room for stitching of your fingers and forearm and removal of pill from your left nostril. Call in at garden centre on way home to get new garden chairs.
15. Arrange with SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell, and find out if they have any guinea pigs who need good homes.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon....
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm
as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to the cheeks whilst holding the pill in the right hand. As you gradually ease the cat's mouth open in this fashion, pop the pill into it's mouth and allow the cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle the
cat in left arm again and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from under the bed in the main bedroom and throw away the soggy pill.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and thrust pill to the back of it's mouth with right forefinger. Hold cat's mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden to assist.
6. Kneel on floor with cat firmly wedged between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted from cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil
wrap. Make a mental note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from floor and set aside for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw and force cat's mouth open with pencil. Blow forcefully down straw.
9. Check label on cat's pills to see if they are harmful to
humans. Drink beer to take away the taste and apply band-aid to spouse's forearm. Remove blood from carpet with soap and water and discard shredded towel in waste bin.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on cat's neck so as to leave only the head protruding. Force mouth open with spoon and however much force it takes. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage to put the cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Pour scotch and drink in one gulp. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect and toss back another shot for good measure. Throw T-shirt in bin next to shredded towel.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the damn cat from tree across the road, and apologise profusely to neighbour who crashed into his pool whilst swerving to avoid the cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little sod's front paws and rear paws tightly to legs of metal garden chairs with twine. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push into cat's mouth, followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold cat's head vertical and pour two litres of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to
emergency room for stitching of your fingers and forearm and removal of pill from your left nostril. Call in at garden centre on way home to get new garden chairs.
15. Arrange with SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell, and find out if they have any guinea pigs who need good homes.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon....
ragt20
02-08-2002, 07:54 AM
:hehehe: ROTFLMAO :hehehe: that is hilarious.....still can't stop laughing..........
emadboy200
02-08-2002, 03:29 PM
that was too funny:D
tazdev
02-08-2002, 04:12 PM
Anyone that has ever had to give a cat a pill will know all of (well most of) that to be right on the money.
Judge
02-08-2002, 04:42 PM
Originally posted by primera man
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon....
not for my dog, he sniffs it first and wont eat it if it has a pill in it :(:mad:
which makes it alot harder to give him one. :)
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon....
not for my dog, he sniffs it first and wont eat it if it has a pill in it :(:mad:
which makes it alot harder to give him one. :)
Jimster
02-08-2002, 05:06 PM
That is too good!!!!!
But if my cat needs a pill I put it in some of that Dine Petite Gold stuff
But if my cat needs a pill I put it in some of that Dine Petite Gold stuff
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